My father is 79 and has health issues (heart, limited walking, congestive heart failure). My mother is 69 and has given up on taking care of my dad. He's still fairly independent, but has become incontinent. He makes a mess in the bathroom, his pants are always wet or smells like urine. My Mom says she tried to get him into adult undergartments but he refuses. He says he doesn't have a problem. He is getting hard of hearing, and I think his mind is starting to slowly go. He frequently forgets to shut the bathroom door, or the bedroom door when he's changing. He has been caught walking around the house with his pants unzipped and "hanging" out. My kids go to their house after school, so this is becoming an big issue. My mother has gotten fed up with his uncleanlines, and his forgetfulness and it comes out in her demeanor towards him and how she talks to him. I think my dad has decided he can't make her happy so why try and even goes out of his way to ignore her requests such as changing urine smelling clothes. He even told me that he doesnt' care what people think anymore and shouldn't have to at his age. My mother informed me that since he won't listen to her anymore and she's tired of trying (she thinks he's just lazy and a bum and believes he can control his bladder if he wants to), and that it's up to me and my brother to handle him now. I don't know what to do. I know my brother (who lives with them) won't do anything. He just complains about dad behind his back. I feel bad for my dad but don't know what I can do to help him or my Mom. He won't listen to me either, and will just accuse me of being controlling like my mother. I feel bad for him because of how my mother talks to him. But I know he brings some of it on himself. And even if I tried to step in, I know my Mom would have her own agenda on how I should handle things despite the fact she says she doesn't want to deal with him anymore. I just feel that i'm stuck between an rock and a hard place at the moment. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.