Mom wants to put granny in a home but we want to take her into our home. Can we stop her if she has POA?

Wish I had something to add. The advice you have been given is rather encompassing...

Its getting harder on me in my situation. I understand and agree with how you feel and what you want to do. Your granny is a very lucky lady. I do not understand Alzheimer's because my grandfather doesnt have it, but, I understand its very hard to handle esp by yourself. If you other family wants to help now, but cant later, what will you do? Hiring caregivers is very expensive as Im looking to do so for my grandfather.

I agree with you about not wanting her in a home and she is 97 which is wonderful! I agree with the others, see if you can take a trial run for a couple months ( its usually takes a bit for the stress and pressure to kick in) and if it works out wonderful :) But be prepared that if your mom and grandmother agree to this, it might be on your shoulders one day to have to admit her in a NH.

You should try to visit a home where the disease is advanced, to get an idea what you will be dealing with. I wish you all the best luck and prayers and hope you all find whats best for granny, even if it is the nursing home. She may really like the nursing home :) There are good ones out there!

Hello Dawny, Have you maybe given this a trial run? Maybe just have Granny come visit for a week or two? Definitely bill it as visit, not as coming to live with you. It would give your mothet a break and give you a taste of what you might be getting into. You my change your mind entirely.

Most times, only the 24-hour caregiver knows the Real situation at home. My dad was able to fool a lot of people for years. Even his doctors. He's very smart and can talk intellectually. But at home, with no one else's eyes watching him, he shows his real self - the forgetfulness, the peeing on himself because he didn't have time to make it to the bathroom, the confusion of the days, etc... So, every day, he would ask me what day is today. Oh, Monday, so-and-so comes to visit, Tuesday is so-and-so, etc... When family is coming to visit in the weekend, he goes and changes his clothes so that he's not stinky. It was a struggle to get him to shower weekly. Then it was every 2 weeks.

What I'm trying to get at is this. Perhaps your mother sees how grandma really is - in the privacy in the home without any others seeing it. Maybe, just maybe, your grandmother is giving your mother more and more resistance to being help. To the point that your mother can no longer or is just too tired of caregiving grandmother 24-hours every day by herself. At least in a home, there would 24-hour caregiving - in shifts.

I think the most important thing to do is sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with your mom. No Accusations. No Blame. Just build the conversation towards grandma, her wishes, your mom's caregiving, and what made her decide that it is now time to put her in a home. If you can be Neutral, then your mom, hopefully, will be able to open up to you what is really going on inside the home, how She is feeling, etc... Maybe, just maybe, if you handle this right, she might let grandma stay with you for a limited trial period. A year sounds about right. Not too long and not too short.

You do know, that when grandma moves in with you, that you become responsible for her, right? If she falls, and gets bruised, that the authorities would automatically think "elderly neglect"? My dad just recently went to the ER. One of the questions they asked me was, "Did he fall or get hurt?" I replied No. Sister-in-law said that if I had answered "yes", the medical staff is obligated to report this to authorities. Then I would be investigated to see if there was elderly abuse in the home. You see, our DA's pet project is Elderly Abuse.

It's up to you grandmother as long as she can rationally say or no. I had POA for my husband and it didn't go in effect until was declared as making decisions that would jeopardize his health. But do know what your getting into?

What's the home like, Dawny? Before you assume your granny would be miserable there, go and have a look at it. You might be pleasantly surprised at how well she'd be looked after there, and how much she'd have to enjoy in the way of company and activities.

If you're not, and you still hate the idea, and you want to change your mother's mind, then what you have to do is come up with a REALLY practical alternative. Even the best intentions aren't enough: you need expertise, space, a full care team, access to medical and nursing services, and above all you need time.

The other point to make is that it's a mistake to wait until your granny has really declined before you commit her to a nursing home. If it's going to happen, it is MUCH better for her to walk in than to be wheeled in. She'll have a far greater chance of establishing a good quality of life if she's still comparatively well when the move happens.

If your grandmother didn't have dementia, I'd agree with Captain that you can always give it a try and see how it goes. But with dementia, change is very hard to manage and the outcome could be your granny ending up in a worse situation: still in a nursing home, but really upset and confused from the outset.

So. Come up with a hard-headed, clear-eyed, realistic, practical, budgeted plan and maybe your mother will agree to it. Don't forget: she wants the best for your granny, too.

Who is Granny's Health Care Proxy? That person is in charge of her medical decisions. You need to consult an elder care attorney, which can be expensive. One option would be going for guardianship but you'd have to prove mom's negligence and this too is very expensive. Taking care of someone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week is a job unimaginable until.you find yourself in that situation. Is your mom a mean or selfish person? My guess is no. I'm sure she's given a great deal of thought to her decision and maybe you should trust her on this one.

someone who WANTS to provide this care probably has a leg up on someone who was commandeered into the situation . talk to your mom , tell her you want to do it for a while and see how it goes .

I think it is wonderful that you would take care of your granny. You go for it. You are a blessing.

Oh Dawny I believe your intentions are good but there is so much care needed for your Granny than you can handle..

Please search through this site for questions/answers similar to yours..

Hugs.. I have to believe that your mother is acting in your Granny's best interest. Taking care of an ALZ. patient is unpaid 24hour a day work for 7 days a week.