Mom tried leaving AL side and set off alarms! She's now locked in memory care awaiting UTI results. Should I move her there?
Mom set off the fire door alarm 4-times on Wednesday. She was trying to leave. She is in the AL side because she has never been a flight risk, until now. She was moved Wednesday afternoon into the memory care unit for her safety. The facility also got a urine sample to check for UTI. I talked with the director who said that she has settled in nicely in the memory care unit and that she has made a friend. He told me he checked on her personally and that Mom and another lady were holding hands. With the virus keeping all family and visitors locked out, our loved ones are spending time alone in their rooms and are being fed in their rooms. I truly believe this has caused my mother to fall into further decline. She is late stage Alzheimer's, and I'm wondering if she may be better off in the memory care unit as she will be with her "peers." Also, she can move freely, while carrying her "baby" in a safe area. Plus, she will have a room mate which could be good and bad. Since I cannot get in to see for myself what her condition is, I have to trust that whatever her facility suggests will be in my mom's best interest. If her UTI shows positive, she will be treated and could move back to her original room; but will she try to get out again? Who knows. If her test shows negative, then I guess she will become a permanent resident in the memory care unit. I do believe that moving her back and forth is not good for her. Two days into her move, I know that she has forgotten where she came from; so, do I tell the facility that I want her moved to memory care? They have a bed available at this time and the transition of her belongings will be done by the facility. Or, do I put her back in her room and when/if the time comes that she must make the move to the lock-down unit hope their is availability? I just don't know what to do. Thank you all for taking a moment to advise.
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Many people have to struggle with the idea that their loved one has to transition from AL to Memory Care then deal with the stress of the move.
It sounds like your mom has settled right in and is comfortable.
It sounds like she has found a friend and companionship.
I would leave her as she is now.
The possibility of moving her back to AL then in a week or a month having to move her back to MC is just a lot of moving and transitioning.
In my years of caring for my Husband I often said that solutions will present themselves and you just have to be open for solutions that you did not anticipate. Somehow you trust the guidance from above.
The combination of more freedom and a secure setting might be best for your mother at this point. Our mother is in a facility with IL, AL and MC. The IL and AL are more restricted in movement about the facility and have to take meals in their rooms. This would be too hard to enforce with the MC residents, so they have allowed them freedom of movement and staggered meal times a bit, to allow more space between residents.
It would be hard to say that if she has a UTI and it is treated, would she be okay to return to her AL space. Given you say she's at stage 6 already and now has "broached" the attempt to get out, it is more likely that she will need MC, if not now, then very soon. Perhaps they can get the results and monitor her during treatment, and then reassess, but she will eventually have to move to MC, and since she seems "happy" there, why not leave her there? Also, your suspicion about being isolated contributing to further decline could be spot on - they do recommend social activities, to keep people engaged with others, as a way to help slow the progression, even just a little bit!
We went right to MC as I knew she would never be content to stay in the place and AL doesn't watch over anyone - they are free (before the virus) to leave and come back on their own. Bro was all for AL, dismissing me saying she would walk out the door! Anyway, mom's first UTI resulted in severe sun-downing and she set off every alarm in the place, demanding to get out, insisting she had to go home as she had guests coming! This was a first and last episode (the later UTIs manifested as night time bed wetting.) So, it IS possible the UTI was the cause of mom's "escape" attempt, but even still, she seems content, has a friend, and has more "freedom" - why not just let the transition happen now?
Guilt is always the consuming emotion for a caregiver to someone with AD. You don't think you've done enough, you're afraid of the future (losing her), you don't have any control of her situation. If we could only be satisfied with knowing our LO is being cared for in a loving manner, their situation would be easier to accept. But it's not, it's your mom.
"Anticipatory grief" is another emotion we all experience. Anticipating the loss of our LO. Grief is not just something we experience after our loss. We all know the outcome of AD, we just don't know when.
How do we cope with the simultaneous emotions of both guilt and grief? Continue being with her, reminisce, know that you are doing all you can and "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... ".
Yes, leave her there. Seems she has already adjusted.
Having her being free to wander in AL, you could get a call one day or night that they can't find her, because she got out the main door of the AL.
Before I moved in with my mother, in her FL condo, I got a call from one of her neighbors in the wee early hours of a foggy night, that my mother was walking to residents doors and pounding on them, dressed in layers of clothing and wearing sunglasses, only feet from the water that was home to alligators. That night I moved in with her. When the time came for her to go into a home, I was advised to make sure it was a secured memory care home, for her safety. At the time I did not know that was available. So very glad I made that decision.
Your Mom has already made the adjustment which is usually a big hurdle. I would not take that away from her.
Try not to overthink this..........you have an opportunity NOW to have this move made for your mom. Take it. The chance may not come up again. She's already trying to escape the AL side, UTI or no UTI, the fact remains that she is suffering from advanced Alzheimers and belongs with her peers in Memory Care.
Good luck!
Are you another of the sisters I never had/knew about??? ;-D
In her case, I went with straight to MC as I knew she wouldn't stay put and would walk out the door! YB was adamant she would prefer AL... Maybe if she'd agree to move before dementia kicked in, but gads, no! Thankfully staff also put the kibosh on that!
She's actually drifted to a place (about 40+ years ago) and is mostly pleasant with staff (some really like her, as she is fairly easy to work with now.) The initial move and then the first UTI, that's a different story, but she's forgotten her condo (9 months after the move) and at this point doesn't know any different.
Cheers Sis!
Let the facility make all the decisions. That is what they do when you give "them consent". Get a person you can call there for "what is going on with Mom", and call as often as you wish. Sounds like she has a lot of great social needs that are being met. You have to "let go" and be thankful you have someone there for a look at her "functioning" and her "physical picture" as a substitute for "being there".
As for your profile post - guilt is something many of us deal with. Don't beat yourself up. You have done the best you can for your mother and clearly care, and that is what is important for her. But, it is also important that you treat yourself kindly too. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to deal with this or make these decisions, but it isn't an ideal world! Some people, even a few on this site, will criticize you for not taking care of her yourself, but that isn't always the best option and sometimes isn't even feasible. Knowing you have her in a safe place where she is cared for and where you can (before and after this virus!) visit and enjoy what time you have left with her is what is important. Letting others do the hands-on care allows you to be her daughter and advocate, not her nurse maid. Too many burn out trying to be the super-mom-daughter and take on all the care.
Be kind to yourself! See if there are any options they have for communicating remotely with your mother - phone, and various online tools, visiting "through" the windows, etc. At my mother's place they are starting to allow outdoor visits, so long as we wear masks and maintain a safe distance. I really can't use any phone, window or visual aid to virtually visit mom due to her severe hearing loss. Even an outdoor visit would be difficult, as too often I need to write down what I am saying for her to read.
If Mom is doing well in memory care my advice would be to leave her where she is. You stated that she has advanced Alzheimer's. The sad truth is that she is never going to get better. Even if UTI caused the rapid decline she may snap back for awhile, but her Alzheimer's will continue to increase. Why cause her more anxiety and confusion if she is content in memory care?
I am facing the same thing with my Aunt. She walks out the front door several times a day. ALF wants to move her into memory care, but there is no space right now. It's heartwrenching, but I know she will be safer there.
Best wishes & God bless!!
My Mom needed to 'move on' from IL for about 6 months, but fought us every step of the way. When the facility finally insisted, and took her, she was angry, bitter, and blaming me for the next 6 months ... (she didn't have much short term memory, but knew how to hold a grudge) ...
Update: Mom did have a UTI and finished her antibiotic yesterday (Thursday). I talked with the director and he has advised that Mom is doing well and has adjusted nicely to the memory care unit. Both of us agree that it will be detrimental to move Mom back to her room in AL. While I feel a sense of relief that she will be in a safe environment, I also feel another level of grief. This covid-19 virus is literally stealing precious time for all of us with LO's in a facility. I'm so afraid that my Mom will die before I can get in to see her. Hugs to each of you; may we endure this together and come out sane on the other side.
(((((hugs)))))))