Mom is too confused to understand that she can't get up and walk without risking a devastating fall. How to keep her from doing this?

Seeing your headline in the threads margin made me flash back and go rigid with tension. Your poor dad. Your poor mother. Poor you!

I am *so* relieved to read further that you have already grasped that your mother cannot understand and remember why she must not get up and walk around unaided. It took me a long time to get to that point (my mother was a convincing excuse-maker) and it nearly drove me insane.

Our community team provided alarm pads to go on armchairs and her bed so that I would know if she got up; but I never found that satisfactory - what the alarms couldn't do, of course, was tell me *before* she got up so that I could get there in time, which is what we really needed. And if your mother can't remember not to get up, she won't, either, comply with using a call button, or not reliably anyway. So that only half helps.

There are good, solid, over-chair tables you can get which your mother shouldn't be able to push out of the way on her own. But I have to add that no matter how nicely and reasonably I suggested this solution, I got stern lectures about "Deprivation of Liberty" - in the UK the law says that if you want to do anything like this you have to make a court application and have it approved. No, really, it does. I hope the US has a bit more sense - check with your local older age social services.

While you're at it, you want an occupational therapist to go round the house with your father and recommend solutions. "There is more in heaven and on earth, Horatio, than is dreamed of in our philosophies…" and similarly OTs have professional tips and wrinkles you'd never have thought of.

Respite breaks for your father are also important - can they afford to hire a companion for, say, two or three hours at a time so that he can have a nap or get out for some fresh air?

Best of luck, please let us know how you get on.

CM, for them or us? LOL.

I seem to have woken on the cynical side of bed this morning. Maybe a bit more shut eye will help.

Can you put something heavy, like a a table in front of her?

In a situation like this, you need to worry about dad. The stress and physical job of caregiving puts him at enormous risk of a heart attack or stroke. If they can afford Assisted Living, wouldn't it be a great thing for BOTH of them?

Mike, you mention "dying". Is she eligible for Hospice?

Also, you might ask her doctor to order a PT evaluation. They could give you suggestions on how to keep her safe.

CM, in this country too, anything used to keep them from getting up is considered a form of restraint and against the law. In fact, in the hospital unless there is a doctor's order, the bed rails must not be used in the hospital. And those are responsible for causing many injuries to patients that will try to climb over them. I do not know what the solution is. Maybe someting like marionette strings? Can you just see them with a contraption mounted to the ceiling with some sort of a track system to keep them on the right path? Or super magnets that attract to a metal ceiling designed to keep them upright? Seems absurd doesn't it? But there must be a solution.

Years ago when my father-in-law was in rehab he used to fall when he got out of bed so the rehab center put a padded mat on the side of his bed to cushion any potential fall. As many people have pointed out restraint or bed rails were not allowed. They used to be allowed when my mom, a dementia patient was in the hospital after a TIA. Although she couldn't remember many things--even using a call button--she always figured out how to climb out of bed by going to the foot of the bed where there were no rails. Eventually, when she was in assisted living in a dementia unit, a geri chair worked to keep her safely in place.

My mother was bed-ridden for a few months a couple of years ago...it was wearing me out having to run down the hall & check on her constantly...my husband suggested a security camera which works great...we were able to keep a monitor in the livingroom so we could glance at it periodically to keep an eye on her...we still have the camera, even though she is mobile again...this allows us to see if she is resting or up & about ( she has a tendency to wander)...by the way, I forgot to mention that these security cameras have two-way microphones, so in the event that my mom starts doing something where she may get injured, we can stop her...it's quicker than sprinting down the hallway hoping to get there in time.

The comments here have made me wonder how advanced technology is or could be used to create monitoring systems for elders in their own homes. I believe that security companies do have options for internal monitoring, linked to remote apps that could be run on SmartPhones, but I haven't paid much attention to them primarily b/c of the price of SmartPhones and up until recently I haven't really had the need to pay extra just for what they offer.

I'm wondering though if anyone has anything like this? Any security systems that you're using that provide not only remote monitoring but visuals and alarms in the event someone gets up and/or falls?

Has anyone discussed this with security companies? Reminds me, I have a relative who's in that business and should be asking him what's available.

The manager suggested them when I was tearing my hair out to her about mother's refusal to call for help with standing and walking around. They detect anyone moving around in the room and trigger the key worker's pager or the nursing station - same as chair and bed pads, I suppose. During the day there were plenty of people keeping an eye on her; but it was a good way to keep tabs without going into her room and disturbing her at night.

[grumble mutter mutter] strait jacket and padded cell...