Mom told me to get ready for her to be in the cemetery. Is she dying?

My Dad did a week before he died. Mom did the same thing, closed her eyes and didn't open them. You may want to call Hospice to evaluate her.

If your mother feels that she is close to the end of her life, please don’t be hurt. The symptoms you report don’t sound very very close, but if she keeps being able to talk sensibly and is not in pain when she is close to the end, both she and you will be very fortunate. And yes, it can be a good idea to prepare for ‘the cemetery’. The time just before and after death is very stressful, and some thought in advance can be a real help. Perhaps you can talk to her about any wishes she has. She is settling her own mind, and you can help her and yourself by supporting her.

This is normal end of life behavior. I suggest reading up on it online to see what else to expect and how to cope. Some of the symptoms can be jarring if you are uneducated. With the right guidance and care, it can be a beautiful peaceful journey for you both. It is important for family to acknowledge and respect what she says. In her last week my mom apologized for any problems she had caused - that broke my heart! We spent almost a month in hospice and it was a gift to not be the caretaker and enjoy the moments of her final days together.

My mom has Parkinson’s. I’m sorry. It’s hard. Let her feel what she does. I think people know when their time is near. She doesn’t sound like an alarmist. You will miss her. She is blessed to have you.

Take care.

(((((((hugs))))) This is hard. I think people can have a sense that their time is coming.

I didn't hear so I am still skeptical, but it but during her final rally I was told my mom told someone at the NH she needed to get ready to go the cemetery on Monday . She was a day off.

Unfortunately, yes. It sounds like she is dying and they know when it is their time. I am sorry but I hope you have a plan in place. You may want to read a book from a hospice nurse entitled, Gone from Our Sight that will give you the information needed to explain how our love ones pass on.

Mom Knows, sweetie...God is Telling her to Tell you to Prepare.
My Own Mom was Dying in the End in the Hospital, When an angelic Nurse told me to "Prepare the Family."
Get all of her affairs NOW in order...

Believe me, she knows...She is exhibiting all the signs of dying...my uncle tried to prepare his wife that he was dying too by insisting that they get their cemetery plots sooner than later...when he knew he was dying...he dropped a LOT of hints in the weeks before his massive heart attack...sad....it sounds like "She Knows...."

Yes, she knows....and although it hurts, she tells you because she loves you. Say everything you would like to while you have the chance.

It's going to be ok. Remember, when she leaves the body, she will be free of its limitations and suffering.

And grieving while she is still here is ok, too. It's hard to let go of someone who has known you your whole life...your attachment is understandable...

Love to your heart...

I know this is difficult for you and very emotional, but yes, that is probably what is happening and you need to "give her permission" to make this transition easier. Let her know it is ok, tell her how much you love her, value her as a Mother, say all you kindly need to say and tell her you understand if she needs to go.

In my 20 plus year career working with seniors I have seen this often. I will never forget the first lady I cared for that this happened to, I can still see her plain as day. She had diabetes and heart issues but was not on hospice and was not in crisis.. She went to the hairdresser that day and told her to do her hair (which she still dyed red) extra well because she was "going to see Jesus". That night we sent her to the hospital and she passed. I am not a really religious or spiritual person, but I do believe some people know. Take it as the blessing it can be.

I had a relative I moved back home to take care of. For almost two years, he obsessed over the (Hebrew-in this case) name he wanted on his tombstone. I used to get annoyed and blow him off sometimes. I had him in Assisted Living/Memory Care for the last two months. He went semi-willingly because I whined about having No Life. When do I ever?? Towards the End of the last month, he went downhill and passed away. That was over three years ago, and, even though he was Elderly, I feel Lost and Guilty. Yes-it's common for them to talk about that. At least, if they're talking about Something, they still have some of their Minds left.

If she is bed ridden -- she will not last that long. If she still has cognition, she is aware of her situation and is trying to prepare you. Anybody bedridden is at high risk for pneumonia, aspiration of secretions, and blood clots which will cause stroke. If you have not done so, get her doctor to put her on hospice so at least you can get her routine meds ordered without having to go to the clinic--they also help you with supplies and home health aids.

My experience is they know. Mom passed 5 yrs ago in May. She had been ill most if her life, because of that we didn’t cope with the thought of her dying soon. The night before her heart attack I had a dream. She came to me saying she was leaving and was so happy to go, she was rejoicing because she knew where she was going. Mom was a woman of faith and loved the Lord...she didn’t want me to be sad. It was a vivid dream. Many things took place afterwards that could only be from a spiritual nature that I won’t get into.
My Dad is now in MC. He can’t see, Dementia has altered who he was. He eats with his hands because he can’t find his plate. Hospice was called in last summer but his appetite is good and unless his heart fails I don’t see him leaving this earth anytime soon. It’s so hard to see him in this state, quality of life is gone, other then food. I’ve been listening though for him to let me know so I’ll be prepared.
It can be a mystery but your Mom is communicating what she knows.
Remember to take care of yourself too.

My stepmother told me my paternal grandma knew when she was dying. She told my stepmother not to tell my father so he does not act a fool. This was many years after the fact she told me.
I did not know at the time, but I felt a warning in me before she passes. All I knew back then, my father and stepmother came back from AL ( state ). I hugged my father, and I felt like I wanted to cry, but did not. Very short time later, she went to rest. My stepmother must've known, because she told me when they got back from AL, ( she was in the hospital ), she told my father not to unpack yet. Intuition served her correctly.
Also, I had a long-distance boyfriend once. He was a friend to at least some of my relatives, but I kept our relationship private from family, wanting to wait to see what would happen first and praying about it. Well, one day I was in a weekday worship morning service, and I and this lady who might be old enough to be my mother, hugging in a pew, she made mention of how the sun was beautiful ( we looked through stained glass ). I wanted to cry, but held back. I did not know why. I'm sure you all been there before. It was a Friday morning, the next week or so, he passed away. I dunno what happened. My mother just knew he was on ventilator.
I tell these stories to not only confirm that yes, a person can know when they are dying, but also, you can see it coming, even if at first you may not know the bad that is about to happen ( death or something else ).

Personally, I think that it’s not because she has a premonition about what’s going to happen TO her, but rather that SHE is making it happen. Judging by the description you gave, she is actively dying. Letting go can be a part of that process and that may be what she’s doing.

If someone isn’t dying because their body is being overwhelmed by something (like an infection) then dying is like a slow shutting down and, depending upon the person’s self awareness, they may be very in touch with the process.

I think that some people are simply very aware of the feeling of letting go and are able to identify it. Others are not doing it consciously.

Yes she does know. The mind and body are connected and she is in that state where her intuition is heightened. I'm reading a good book right now called Share my Lonesome Valley: The Slow Grief of Long Term Care by Doug Manning. It is so good...I recommend it. Chapter 11 talks about the end of life.
Hospice has been recommended here because they also give support to the caregiver and have been through many a death. They can explain things to you as well as provide ongoing grief support. It is not just for the patient only. Getting hospice doesn't mean you are giving up...it means you are taking steps to ease your mother's transition from this life to the next. Let her go normally...learn to accept that life is about loss and death. I had to tell my mom it was ok to go when she was in a coma from a brain tumor. It was for her that I told her. I still miss her 29 years later, that won't leave ever but we did what was right by her.

Sounds like she does know what she’s talking about. Get some help so you can face this reality and walk you through it. God bless you & pray because the Lord will help you through this time. So will be. Hugs

Your mother has two incurable illnesses. Imo it’s good she can share her feelings with you. With chronic illness you go thru many of the same feelings as you do when someone dies. It’s a form of grief. It sounds like your mother understands and has come to at least some acceptance of her situation. That’s a healthy attitude. It’s good if you can be supportive of her. It’s much easier to deal with the inevitable outcome if you can have some acceptance beforehand.

She's not meaning to hurt you. Probably she's trying to protect you from the shock. Yes, this does sound like EOL behavior.

Do you have support? Have you had her evaluated for Hospice? They are a true blessing.

Hon--nobody lives forever. You wouldn't want her to go on in this state forever, would you? That's just cruel. Both her diseases are awful, awful ways to live.

I hope you can find some support & help, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

In 1975, My grandfather, at age 88 and in reasonably good health, laid out his 'funeral suit' on his bed. He told my grandmother that he saw and would be going with Richard (his dead son) that night. He suffered a major stroke in his sleep that night and died during the next day. It was the most peaceful death our family has ever experienced.

My mother said that too about 2 years before she passed. She passed this past December. Dementia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, swallowing problems, etc. she was totally bedridden and could only be picked up to be in a geriatric reclining chair at the nursing home. She was in diapers and fed puréed food. She could not see. Horrible life and she was miserable. It was a blessing to her for the Lord to rescue her. She died from aspiration pneumonia but she was wasting away and it was hard seeing her like that. I did all I could i could for her. It was hard and I understand your situation. My heart goes out to you.

In my experience as a Caregiver (and from conversations with MOST nurses I know)...the Elderly are pretty aware of their life force. I was told that they start preparing their bodies by gradually minimizing their food intake and eventually stop eating. Though I try to supplement with Ensure to help as much as possible, is every case they've been "Spot on"...even my Mom who told me 3 weeks b4 She passed on of natural causes. Use what they tell you as a Blessed opportunity to spend as much time with them as you can, and say the things you wont WISH you'd said when its too late. Make her as comfortable and happy as possible and KNOW that the appointed time" is not something we can really control so be at peace that youve done all you can when the time does come. :)

Just stay close and love her.

Ask her who she sees around her. If she tells you she sees friends and loved ones that are deceased, ask her to describe. Ask her what they are telling her. Take notes.

This is why I believe in an afterlife. My loved ones had experiences that were unbelievable. I took notes. Some of the things they told me accurately described the present (true things about my family that no one, including me, could have known) and even predicted the future. These conversations were a miracle.

I think people know. When I was 16 I had a friend that said he felt like he needed to make contact with people that he had fallen out with. I encouraged him because reconciliation is a good thing, he said it was to say goodbye.

He did reach out and he was killed in a freak accident 1 week later.

That made a believer out of me.

Take this time to say goodbye and thank you and anything else you feel needs said. It is a blessing to be able to get your affairs in order.

I am sorry you are loosing your mom, focus on the beauty she brought to your life and the fact that she is no longer suffering. Hugs!

I believe sometimes people know. One of my best friends was terminal. He kept hanging on. I believe he was waiting until his parents left. The day after his dad said they had to leave because of doctor appointments. He told his wife and me he wanted to go home. She said you are home. He replied "you know what I mean!" The next day he died.

It's possible your mom feels less and less energy and feels that her time is near. When she tells you to prepare yourself, I believe she is being kind to you. Perhaps she is aware that your are having a very hard time accepting that her time is coming to an end. I know it is hard when someone you love leaves this life, especially your mom. It may be a kindness to her if you tell her you understand that you are going to lose her. You could tell her how much you love her and will miss her. Reassure her that you will be OK. Consider that none of us knows if we will have tomorrow.

All this happened to my mother before she died. I see all the signs here. Sorry. Start reading up on the end stages of life and signs of death.

Both my dad and my grandma knew when their time was coming. I'm sorry for the shock of what's coming- but learn all you can now. And be with her as much as possible.

There are many incidents in the Bible of God revealing to people that their death is imminent. Moses comes to mind, his brother Aaron, and his successor Joshua is another. I see no reason why He wouldn't do the same today, and what a blessing that would be! At least, so it seems to me. We may not know "the day or the hour," but to be given the opportunity to say our goodbyes, right any wrongs, and prepare our loved ones for the inevitable sounds like something I'd like to experience. But then, perhaps I should live each day as if it might be my last, and try to leave no unfinished business along these lines.

Anyway, as far as OP is concerned, I would agree with the general consensus that Mom's comments are not to be feared, but to be accepted, as it sounds more as if she is coming to terms with her own mortality, which may or may not be imminent but is certainly inevitable, as is the case with all of us. It sounds to me as if Mom is inviting you along on this journey, however long it may take. I hope you will take her hand and comfort her, and allow her to comfort you, through the journey.

Peace to you both.