Follow
Share

Mom has Dementia and Parkinson's. She is bed ridden and sleeps a lot and eats very little.


She no longer can hold her urine or defecate on her own. She also keeps her eyes closed most of the time now.


Her hands do get fidgety at times.


Today she told me I better get prepared. I asked her for what?


She said the cemetery... I asked her what do you mean?


Mom said you know where you put people when they die.


I asked her why are you telling me this.


She said because you need to prepare yourself..... does she know or think she is dying?


I hope that's not the case. It really hurt hearing her telling me this...

Find Care & Housing
If your mother feels that she is close to the end of her life, please don’t be hurt. The symptoms you report don’t sound very very close, but if she keeps being able to talk sensibly and is not in pain when she is close to the end, both she and you will be very fortunate. And yes, it can be a good idea to prepare for ‘the cemetery’. The time just before and after death is very stressful, and some thought in advance can be a real help. Perhaps you can talk to her about any wishes she has. She is settling her own mind, and you can help her and yourself by supporting her.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report

Check out Final Gifts by Maggie Callinan and Patricia Kelley. There is some sense in what she is saying. My 97 year old aunt told me she would not be around the next year. Another aunt ( Parkinsons) told her daughter to gather the family for a party the next day at her nursing home. She passed an hour before the party. I also had a patient tell me she was going home and she passed shortly after I left her room.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to MACinCT
Report
Mangos Apr 4, 2019
Ty!
(2)
Report
This is normal end of life behavior. I suggest reading up on it online to see what else to expect and how to cope. Some of the symptoms can be jarring if you are uneducated. With the right guidance and care, it can be a beautiful peaceful journey for you both. It is important for family to acknowledge and respect what she says. In her last week my mom apologized for any problems she had caused - that broke my heart! We spent almost a month in hospice and it was a gift to not be the caretaker and enjoy the moments of her final days together.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to BillieWO
Report

My mom has Parkinson’s. I’m sorry. It’s hard. Let her feel what she does. I think people know when their time is near. She doesn’t sound like an alarmist. You will miss her. She is blessed to have you.

Take care.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Report
Mangos Apr 4, 2019
Ty!
(3)
Report
I know this is difficult for you and very emotional, but yes, that is probably what is happening and you need to "give her permission" to make this transition easier. Let her know it is ok, tell her how much you love her, value her as a Mother, say all you kindly need to say and tell her you understand if she needs to go.

In my 20 plus year career working with seniors I have seen this often. I will never forget the first lady I cared for that this happened to, I can still see her plain as day. She had diabetes and heart issues but was not on hospice and was not in crisis.. She went to the hairdresser that day and told her to do her hair (which she still dyed red) extra well because she was "going to see Jesus". That night we sent her to the hospital and she passed. I am not a really religious or spiritual person, but I do believe some people know. Take it as the blessing it can be.
Helpful Answer (12)
Reply to plum9195
Report

My Dad did a week before he died. Mom did the same thing, closed her eyes and didn't open them. You may want to call Hospice to evaluate her.
Helpful Answer (11)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 4, 2019
I think this is good advice about an evaluation. Might take away some of the anxiety, even denial. I have been through denial with people dying. I saw the signs, I was told by my loved ones, nurses and doctors but I refused to accept it. The separation was very difficult for me. I hope I won’t repeat this when it is my mother’s time so we can both be at peace. Because of this forum I think I am better prepared. I am grateful to everyone here.
(8)
Report
See 1 more reply
Yes, she knows....and although it hurts, she tells you because she loves you. Say everything you would like to while you have the chance.

It's going to be ok. Remember, when she leaves the body, she will be free of its limitations and suffering.

And grieving while she is still here is ok, too. It's hard to let go of someone who has known you your whole life...your attachment is understandable...

Love to your heart...
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Savitaa
Report

I didn't hear so I am still skeptical, but it but during her final rally I was told my mom told someone at the NH she needed to get ready to go the cemetery on Monday . She was a day off.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to cwillie
Report
Mangos Apr 9, 2019
Ty
(0)
Report
I think people know. When I was 16 I had a friend that said he felt like he needed to make contact with people that he had fallen out with. I encouraged him because reconciliation is a good thing, he said it was to say goodbye.

He did reach out and he was killed in a freak accident 1 week later.

That made a believer out of me.

Take this time to say goodbye and thank you and anything else you feel needs said. It is a blessing to be able to get your affairs in order.

I am sorry you are loosing your mom, focus on the beauty she brought to your life and the fact that she is no longer suffering. Hugs!
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

Unfortunately, yes. It sounds like she is dying and they know when it is their time. I am sorry but I hope you have a plan in place. You may want to read a book from a hospice nurse entitled, Gone from Our Sight that will give you the information needed to explain how our love ones pass on.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to fellowcaregiver
Report

See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter