What do I do if mom is spending her money like crazy on QVC when she can't afford it?

Have you spoken to your mom about this and expressed your concerns about her financial situation?

Her spending sounds compulsive. She may not be able to reason that her money is flying out the window because of her purchases on QVC.

Does someone have her POA? If not, then someone needs to get POA and then try to oversee her expenses. Break it down into two goals: first, someone needs to become her POA. Your mom and whoever she designates as POA needs to see a lawyer and have the papers drawn up. Once that's in place then the issue of the spending can be addressed.

A lot of old people do this. They're bored. They sit and watch TV or look at catalogs and end up ordering things. QVC is particularly bad because it tends to be overpriced things that people don't need. I knew one woman who had the QVC addiction so bad that she had unopened boxes stacked in her carport.

Since she is still in charge of her life, there isn't much you can do except show her how much she is spending. She will probably get angry and defensive, but she may realize the truth of what you are saying.

My father was a compulsive catalog shopper. A typical month would see about $1K in catalog sales. Holiday months would be double that. He had no concept of the money he was spending. He didn't even add the columns. (We learned when he died he had mixed dementia.) I never was able to handle it effectively. Really it was because he sat in a chair doing nothing but looking out the window and at catalogs for about 20 years. I know he was bored. My mother wouldn't back me up on any plan, so the only thing I could do was try to intercept the catalogs and have the companies stop delivering them. He would mail an order and ask me to mail it. I would conveniently lose the envelope. It was an everyday thing. He ultimately spent pretty much his entire SS check on catalogs, but never grasped it. I felt better about it thinking how some older people buy RV's and travel across country. He sat in the window and ordered from Vermont Country Stores. :-/

My mother was the same at. I showed her the credit card bill so she could see the charges added up. Her response,"It's my money, I can spend it on what I want."
I even changed the number on the credit card, but somehow her orders still went through. Then I tried to get HSN and QVC removed from the channels..no luck.
Now, 5 years after my mother's death, my brothers are suing me, accusing me of using her credit card to order these things.
I really don't know what I should have done differently. I was her POA, but my mom was not mentally impaired. She could make her own decisions. She had plenty of money, so it wasn't an issue to me after she explained to me that it was her money.

Thank you all for sharing you're stories and advice never thought of it of her being bored but have thought of blocking those channels. No POA as of yet but all her kids have expressed to her that the possibility of going broke or even homeless but she to lets us all know where to go and nobody can tell her what to do. My issue is it's okay to spend a little but not you're whole check !

My father had that problem with bradford exchange. He just kept ordering all this junk, and they were more then glad to sell it to him. I called bradford, and it was painfully clear they they were not going to stop. They would ask if I had poa, and since I didn't they would not stop even though I told them he was old and sick and and confused and had dementia. They just didn't care. He was ordering 2 and 3 of the same thing because he forgot what he had bought. It was stacked up and the house looked like a warehouse. It was a nightmare. The only way you can can stop them is with poa. And get to her mail before she does.

Why not try blocking the channels from ever appearing on the TV? We did this in our home, our children grew up never knowing there was a possibility of MTV or some other channels we found vile. It's easy to do within the controls of your cable or satellite, the channels don't appear in the line up at all. When my children ever asked I'd just plead ignorance "beats me"

That's easy, just tell others to stop bailing her out. Another idea on top of that is to become a representative payee. If she's not competent, become her guardian and take over all of her affairs including financial. If she's competent, all you can do is just tell others not to bail her out at all. You may want to pull everyone together who has been bailing her out and have a meeting

you can purchase a small padlock and slip it through the ends of the plug for the Tv (where it goes into the wall).

or just cut the plug off. no tv, no qvc, no shopping.

I did this once and it worked temporarily (lol, for my first husband...)

My mom was "gullible" to every sales pitch coming her way. She bought the expensive mattress that moves in all diections, bought the 7 year light bulbs, gave to many bogus organizations, and supported deadbeat relatives. I could only watch helplessly until she became critically ill when I then obtained POA. She lived two years past this and I was able to put her in a safe and comfortable environment. Her estate when my dad died was probably worth half a million. When she died, she had $40,000 left.

What is missing in some of these answers is a POA means nothing unless the person has been declared incompetent. This is sometimes difficult because your mom may have periods of lucid behavior and those times may coincide with the testing times.

My mother was a hoarder, it took a year and a half to empty her house and go through everything. I found Sapphires worth 3500.00 wrapped in a tissue in a small coin purse. There is no telling what else we did not find. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to stop the purchasing, but if you can send some of them back before the packages are opened, it may help.My mother received packages from e-bay on a weekly basis, if not more. When we moved her into our home due to a stroke, brought on by stress (no doubt from her 52,000.00 credit card debt) she forgot all of her passwords ! That, alone was the end of her online spending. Now she goes to local thrift stores and is filling her room with junk. This is a cycle of O.C.D., then Depression, then Dementia. I wish I could have got my mother on anti-depressants a long time ago, it may have helped. Although, I doubt she would have taken them.

Fedup73, call the credit card company and have the maximum limit reduced to a very low amount.   Then that way your Mom will be cut off because she maxed out the credit card.

I used a very low limit credit card for ordering off the internet, that way if my credit card is captured, whomever has it won't be joy riding on the information highway for very long :)

I tried that on my mother's cards, however, they wanted proof of a POA, which I did not have. Most of them were maxed-out anyway. With all the fraud going on with online spending, that may be used in conversation to deter frequent use ...maybe ??

I had the opposite issue--my sister was always buying things for my parents whether they needed them or not. My father told her "anything you bring into this house you are eventually going to have to take out". When it's the parent who is buying, perhaps the son or daughter could remind them that "someday someone is going to have to get rid of all this stuff".

These hoarding oldsters Do Not Care about burdening their survivors with a monumental home clean-out. Don't waste your time with that line of reasoning.

My dad like all of you did the same thing but with publishing clearing house ordering all these things which he did not have use for. He's healthy and sane so not much I could as it was his money. I talked until it stressed me out so much I had to let it go. What I did do though was let all my siblings know so they were aware of it. They said the same thing nothing I can do. My husband and I take care of him. He's a stubborn marine. He would get piles and piles of junk mail because he was making all these bogus purchases and donations but would complain and cuss at all the mail. Finally fed up I told him let me go through your mail so you don't have to deal with it and explained to him he's getting all this junk mail because he's buying all this junk which he denied most of the time that he was buying things. I monitor his bank account so I know exactly what's going on. Anyway, he finally let me go through his mail and I just rip everything up and throw it away. He still gets mail but not as much. As soon as these companies realize he's not giving them money they will stop. I hope but it has gotten better.

My mother was a compulsive catalog shopper and organized hoarder, I had no idea the extent of the issue until this past month as I am cleaning out her apartment in my home, now that we moved her to an ALF. Apparently she was spending in the realm of 1500 a month on crap from catalogs (found her cc statements for two years). One was a Jewelry of the month sort of thing. Now I need to weed through all of that and try to determine what was the good stuff and what was the junk.

The only thing that slowed her down was the dementia, as it got harder and harder for her to even figure out how to fill out an order form, the shopping stopped. I have had to cancel several services that she put on auto-renewal on her cc.

I was lucky that I convinced her to fill out a DPOA for me last year, so I don't have to have her declared incompetent in order to take care of her finances now. It was part of the entire estate planning packet from the attorneys office, when she had to sign 6 different forms, it was easy to get her to sign it.

Sorry that I don't have any advice on how to control this, wishing you luck.

Oh my I'm sorry that hapened to you stmagaabr :-( My Mom is the same...she say's it's my money. I knew we had a problem when I came home to find two leather outfits she decided to purchase. You know for a casual day around the house or adult day care,lol. If i didn't laugh sometimes,I'd be dead already.

What people don't realize, you cannot get a POA UNLESS THE PERSON IS WILLING TO GIVE IT TO YOU. And I believe that the person who gave the POA to you can still make the final decisions. First, consult an attorney for assistance and advice and contact the local Office on Aging. If nothing works, you may have to take active steps now and put them somewhere where they cannot continue to do this. This is a very serious situation and requires professional help. I am a POA for someone and he spends and spends and spends and won't stop. I have made it plain to him that the day will come where he will lose everything and end up in a flea bitten nursing home because he refuses to save. He is a friend so that helps me but I hate seeing this coming. He has some issues which cloud his thinking but legally I cannot stop his spending even with my POA. Perhaps take them and show them what is coming their way if they don't stop. And make it very, very clear - NO ONE IS GOING TO PAY FOR THEIR CARE - NO ONE - NO MATTER WHAT. Maybe that will help. And then DO NOT HELP. They made their bed, let them lie in it. There is no other choice.

My brother has POA and he can't stop mother from shopping! When daddy was alive he kept mom to a strict budget and watched the mail to make sure she wasn't buying tons of junk. Once he passed, she continues to spend her "cash" on groceries and then buys tons of completely useless garbage from catalogs, TV, anywhere. Last week she did have to have her yearly accounting with POA brother. He is such a milquetoast--he never says a word to her about the piles and piles of junk she buys. She's "solvent" and cannot take money out of savings/investments w/o his signature on the paperwork, so that is good. Dad set that up.
Honestly, if you can't cut out the shopping channels and the catalogs---then you just have to grin and bear it. My mother's place is an "organized hoard" for now---but she cannot get into a lot of the places she's hidden things, so as I clean, I surreptitiously junk as much stuff as I can. Not much. I want to cry, thinking how hard dad saved for retirement and see this money go to garbage. I AM going to get ALL her current catalogs and contact them to stop being sent to her apt, If I have to lie and say she died to get them to stop, I will.

Try making a form/letter saying 'My daughters Mary Jones and Ann Brown have indicated that they have serious concerns about my spending. This hereby absolves them of any burden about my debts. signed Maryann Black' - make sure it is witnessed by a non-family member

Just doing this could make her sit up & stop - other wise you'll have it for later if you need it - stop banging your head against a brick wall - doing this could wake her up a bit

Overspending can be an addiction just like drug or alcohol abuse. There is usually an underlying cause. It could be physical, like the onset of dementia/Alzheimer's, or emotional. Buying things makes her feel loved and gives her pleasure. And also makes her feel like she's in control. Like alcoholism or drug abuse, "just a little" isn't possible. One beer turns into 15, buying one sweater turns into a whole wardrobe. She may never wear the stuff or even open the box or remember ordering it. Telling her to stop isn't going to work. It will probably just make her more determined. You're telling her not to shop is the last thing on her mind when she's ordering stuff. I would suggest that the 2 of you visit her doctor to determine if there is a physical reason for her obsession/addiction. She may open up to her doctor if she trusts him or her. The doctor may recommend behavioral therapy. I think outside help would be a big benefit for all of you and go a long way to solving the constant tug-of-war over her spending. I agree that bailing her out is simply enabling her to continue her overspending.

What I'm thinking is she may very well be developing dementia and she may actually need a guardian. In this case, she should be given just a very small allowance each month.

This is a tricky situation.

I am disabled. I live in a building with senior citizens. One of the things I do is pick-up boxes that are left in the foyer and bring them up to peoples' apartments. The two most common activities in my building are: 1. Watching TV and 2. Gossiping about their neighbors. In my building, there are several individuals, all seniors, who regularly order from TV shopping channels. Where I live (Greater Boston Area), the TV shopping networks are on over-the-air TV. This means that you don't have to have cable TV in order to get them. I can assure you this: they are well-aware that a significant portion of their customers are lonely, mostly elderly people. They train their order takers to chat these people up, so that they feel they have a personal relationship with that particular shopping channel. They don't give a hoot that Grandma is spending away her life savings on their products.

So, what can you do? Realize that your senior is probably bored and would really like human company and friendship. That's why she is ordering all that crap.

I would then contact your local Council for the Aging, senior center or Elder Services. If you don't know who to contact, call your mother's state senator or state representative's office. They have a constituent services representative who is generally knowledgable about services available in your area. You will want to talk to a social worker / outreach worker and explain what's going on. The social worker / outreach worker should be able to help you formulate a plan as to how to talk to your mother about this. It is possible that your mother has health problems that have gone undiagnosed or are under treated that could contribute to this problem. So, it's important for your mother to see her doctor and for you to tell her doctor what's going on and why you are concerned. One of the things a social worker / outreach worker can do is to try to entice your mother to get out of the house and to get involved in activities at the senior center.

You might want to consider hiring a private elder care coordinator. They are either experienced social workers or nurses who are used to working with difficult seniors and their families. What you would do is this: you would schedule an initial appointment with the elder care coordinator, give that person a summary of where your mother is at, her overall health and behavioral health. You would express your concerns about your mother recklessly spending money on home shopping channels. The elder care coordinator would then strategize with you as to how to handle the problem. One of the things an elder care coordinator does is moderate family meetings. Having a neutral third party, who really does have your mother's well-being at heart and who has mental health training, is very helpful.

Hope that helps.

To me, it sounds like this is an OCD behavior pattern. This means that whether she needs the item on tv or not, she's hooked on buying SOMETHING- ANYTHING that will feed her habit!! This might sound far-fetched to you, but I will tell you it's not and I can help if she's wants it. She can be assisted by Reformers Unanimous, which is a bible-based addiction support group, that hosts weekly meetings at churches all over the world. Go to Reform U.com and find a chapter meeting near you. All is confidential, but I will share one story with you. I knew one woman who had a shopping addiction of $75,000!

I had the same problem with my husband installing a $4000.00 alarm system that he couldn't even work. So, I had his Dr. write a letter informing the alarm company that my husband was diagnosed with dementia and that they should void the contract, otherwise she was going to suggest to us to contact an attorney and file elder abuse charges. They voided the contract and I saved $4000.00. Get a letter from the Dr. and send it to the places she does business with.