My mom went to a neurologist, albeit it reluctantly. She kept asking why she needed to go. I expected the doctor to examine and talk to her as her dementia is getting dangerously worse. Instead, the doctor gave my mom a useless memory mini-quiz and deemed her perfectly normal! OMG! What the hell can I do now? All of us who love and worry about her have lost all credibility. She was in complete denial of any issue and now a MEDICAL DOCTOR has validated HER instead of diagnosing her condition. Bewildered ad defeated here.
I would at this point contact the neurologist via the patient portal and share everything that you've noticed and ask if they can order a full memory test, the one that lasts a good 3 hours.
Or make an appointment with a new neurologist that will actually do their job and order the tests needed to diagnose dementia, like MRI, CAT scan and the lengthy memory test.
If your mother is still living alone, she should not be as you well know I'm sure. Ask the local police department to do wellness checks on her (explain to them what's going on) and also involve APS. Other than these things there's not much you can do. You and your family are in a terrible situation, but you're not alone. So many families are dealing with the same thing. I really hope it works out for your family and a different doctor will probe deeper and see that your mother has dementia and is not coping.
You say this is a neurologist.
What other testing was done? What did her own doctor tell you? Were you present at testing. EXACTLY what testing was done?
It is highly unusual to have a neurologist "snowed". To be honest, this old retired RN has NEVER seen it happen.
You have two choices here. One is to get a second opinion.
But I will tell you this. I am now an 83 year old woman. If I tell you I am OK to function and my DOCTOR tells you I am OK to function and a NEURO guy tells you I am OK to function, you better accept that I am OK to function.
Let me ask you this. What are your mother's living circumstances now. Is she living alone or with you? If alone, how often does someone visit her. Exactly WHAT behavior is of concern to you? Is she not taking her meds? Is she wandering and getting lost.
Say more, if you will. It may help us understand. Because I doubt very much she is going to allow you to drag her off to another neuro exam when this one went so well for her.
I suggest a second opinion with someone knowledgeable about dementia.
My mother passed quick tests in doctors' offices and talked to them like she was really in possession of her faculties.
At home, she saw cats and squirrels in the hallway, heard music, felt rats crawling in her mattress, thought people were living in the attic, wandered out into the highway, got in a car with strangers, fell down, cussed us out and told us vulgar sex stories, suspected the neighbor was attacking his grandkids, couldn't remember appointments written on a calendar, neglected her hygiene, forgot to pay bills, etc.
But boy howdy, she could draw a clock as pretty as you please!
Now you have come to a time when you will have to let her fall or fail on her own. I'm so sorry about this tough time! My mom is in memory care and it's been a long 8 years and a lot of fighting to get to this point.
True story.
My sister has vascular dementia and Lewy Body dementia . She lived with her son for about 10 years prior to being diagnosed. Last November ( her son ) my nephew placed her in a very nice board and care home with the help of rehab facility saying she was not safe home alone while nephew works . Sister finally agreed to go to neurologist for her diagnosis . She only can get an appt with a PA at a neurology office. He put sis on Aricept . After 6 months showed improvement on her minicog and talked her way back home to my nephew’s house . The neurology PA said she had a right to go home . Sis was having a really good day that day showtiming as well , sounding more normal . Now nephew is dealing with her behaviors again at home . He’s stuck waiting until she goes totally off the wall again and call 911 like last Fall .
The bar is LOW these days . A minicog test on my sister should not have been the only deciding factor about her being home alone during the day. Her executive functions and reasoning are poor.
I agree with Barb , step back , somethlng will happen to force a change . Unfortunately , I had to do exactly that with my own mother to get her placed . She was living alone with undiagnosed dementia . Mom was refusing to leave home to go to doctors . She was not changing her clothes , or washing . She was throwing out the meals I made and living on cookies . I called the County Agency of Aging . A social worker told me to “ stop helping her and let her fail “. The social worker came to Mom’s home and interviewed her and determined she was not safe living alone .
My FIL also snowed the primary doctor and refused cognitive testing .
Furthermore , a short memory test is more geared for Alzheimer’s . My mother and FIL who had vascular dementia still had good memories and excellent showtiming for quite some time , despite having very bad executive function , making it impossible to live alone.
When I took Mom to the Neurologist I made a list of what I had seen. Just one side of the paper, 14 font and double spaced betweem observances. I numbered them 1, 2, 3, etc. No long sentences just short and sweet. He would revert to the questions while talking to her. She passed that short test better than I would have. The one thing that got me was the tray with things on it she was asked to memorize and then write down. She did really good. Not me. Never have been able to do that.
of the tongue or anything. It took a couple of strokes this year at age 90 to knock that ability out :’o(. I have been losing my train of thought and words for years.
My mom is deviant, highly opinionated, and aggressive towards any suggestions of skilled nursing care facilities. She wants independence, but was living on false independence with me doing everything for her. Sometimes in life you do what you have to do.
I also talk to him ahead of time the day before in the morning before to remind him that the doctor was there to help him to be his best self. So he had to be honest with the doctor and let the doctor know any issues he was having.
then I’d ask him about what issues he had and remind him up if you want I thought he had and then he degrees he had them. So I could share with the neurologist that he had told me that he had those issues.
I don’t know if that will help but we had 15 years of dementia before my husband passed. Lord bless you.
Some key words here are showtiming (performing well for others, when we know they normally act otherwise) and anosognosia (1. The inability of a person to recognize his or her own illness or handicap. 2. Failure to be aware of a defect or deficit resulting from disability, due to brain injury (e.g. Anton-Babinski syndrome). Once I understood those, it made my life easier. It also helps if you can communicate with the doctor ahead of time about your concerns, and maybe take a paper with them written down to give to the dr at the beginning of the appointment, as well. In my case, my husband (he has had two strokes, first with cognitive effects, second paralyzed his right side) has trouble knowing the answers to a lot of the questions they ask about his current condition, so he answers then they turn to me for the real answer. He doesn't mind my discussing his condition, or even contradicting him in front of the doctors, thankfully. It's trickier when they won't let us help if we can.
Your mom might not be willing to go in for another appointment, as she doesn't see the need. You can know this for sure: things won't stay the same forever. Things will get worse. Perhaps then you'll be able to get more help for her, but in the meantime, do what you can to help her be safe (if she'll let you).
Sometimes you need to state your case, because if she’s acting out of control, she may lose all her money & create a debt situation for you, despite how she’s able to cover for herself to her doctor. If that’s the case.
One thing I learned about today's medical institutions is that they are all about the Benjamin's (money). That's it. I can imagine things will only get worse from here as people continue to age. Medical professionals will keep folks drugged up and overly medicated like a bunch of Zombies as long as the money keeps rolling in and the kickbacks from the drug companies are prosperous. I look at who is now in charge, and it is a sickening situation. With all the cuts to Medicaid, I'm afraid how this is going to affect treatment in long term care facilities. Medicine used to be a healing profession. I don't know what this mess is about now. I see things in my profession as a CNA and HHA and some days I just want to scream.
I believe some of these doctor's take patients in to get a fee and do little to nothing to help a situation. When this happens, it always fall back on the family member who is the most responsible for the on hands care and the heavy lifting. I'm speaking from experience here.
Until the medical profession gets real about how people actually suffer from this disease and family members as well, then we can start getting a more realistic view on how to best handle these situations with our loved ones. I get the feeling that most doctors who do this type of thing don't want to get their hands dirty and pass the buck somewhere else or someone. It may take more than a couple of doctor visits until we find someone who knows what they are doing. We see the truth of what is happening. There are some good doctor's out there. My suggestion is to search in areas where these professionals have been practicing awhile in the area of dementia/cognition and mental changes in patients. A person can have a ton of book learning but not the actual experience in treating a person and making the correct diagnosis. I've seen it happen.