My mom went to a neurologist, albeit it reluctantly. She kept asking why she needed to go. I expected the doctor to examine and talk to her as her dementia is getting dangerously worse. Instead, the doctor gave my mom a useless memory mini-quiz and deemed her perfectly normal! OMG! What the hell can I do now? All of us who love and worry about her have lost all credibility. She was in complete denial of any issue and now a MEDICAL DOCTOR has validated HER instead of diagnosing her condition. Bewildered ad defeated here.
My mother passed quick tests in doctors' offices and talked to them like she was really in possession of her faculties.
At home, she saw cats and squirrels in the hallway, heard music, felt rats crawling in her mattress, thought people were living in the attic, wandered out into the highway, got in a car with strangers, fell down, cussed us out and told us vulgar sex stories, suspected the neighbor was attacking his grandkids, couldn't remember appointments written on a calendar, neglected her hygiene, forgot to pay bills, etc.
But boy howdy, she could draw a clock as pretty as you please!
Now you have come to a time when you will have to let her fall or fail on her own. I'm so sorry about this tough time! My mom is in memory care and it's been a long 8 years and a lot of fighting to get to this point.
My mom is deviant, highly opinionated, and aggressive towards any suggestions of skilled nursing care facilities. She wants independence, but was living on false independence with me doing everything for her. Sometimes in life you do what you have to do.
I would at this point contact the neurologist via the patient portal and share everything that you've noticed and ask if they can order a full memory test, the one that lasts a good 3 hours.
Or make an appointment with a new neurologist that will actually do their job and order the tests needed to diagnose dementia, like MRI, CAT scan and the lengthy memory test.
True story.
My sister has vascular dementia and Lewy Body dementia . She lived with her son for about 10 years prior to being diagnosed. Last November ( her son ) my nephew placed her in a very nice board and care home with the help of rehab facility saying she was not safe home alone while nephew works . Sister finally agreed to go to neurologist for her diagnosis . She only can get an appt with a PA at a neurology office. He put sis on Aricept . After 6 months showed improvement on her minicog and talked her way back home to my nephew’s house . The neurology PA said she had a right to go home . Sis was having a really good day that day showtiming as well , sounding more normal . Now nephew is dealing with her behaviors again at home . He’s stuck waiting until she goes totally off the wall again and call 911 like last Fall .
The bar is LOW these days . A minicog test on my sister should not have been the only deciding factor about her being home alone during the day. Her executive functions and reasoning are poor.
I agree with Barb , step back , somethlng will happen to force a change . Unfortunately , I had to do exactly that with my own mother to get her placed . She was living alone with undiagnosed dementia . Mom was refusing to leave home to go to doctors . She was not changing her clothes , or washing . She was throwing out the meals I made and living on cookies . I called the County Agency of Aging . A social worker told me to “ stop helping her and let her fail “. The social worker came to Mom’s home and interviewed her and determined she was not safe living alone .
My FIL also snowed the primary doctor and refused cognitive testing .
Furthermore , a short memory test is more geared for Alzheimer’s . My mother and FIL who had vascular dementia still had good memories and excellent showtiming for quite some time , despite having very bad executive function , making it impossible to live alone.
Some key words here are showtiming (performing well for others, when we know they normally act otherwise) and anosognosia (1. The inability of a person to recognize his or her own illness or handicap. 2. Failure to be aware of a defect or deficit resulting from disability, due to brain injury (e.g. Anton-Babinski syndrome). Once I understood those, it made my life easier. It also helps if you can communicate with the doctor ahead of time about your concerns, and maybe take a paper with them written down to give to the dr at the beginning of the appointment, as well. In my case, my husband (he has had two strokes, first with cognitive effects, second paralyzed his right side) has trouble knowing the answers to a lot of the questions they ask about his current condition, so he answers then they turn to me for the real answer. He doesn't mind my discussing his condition, or even contradicting him in front of the doctors, thankfully. It's trickier when they won't let us help if we can.
Your mom might not be willing to go in for another appointment, as she doesn't see the need. You can know this for sure: things won't stay the same forever. Things will get worse. Perhaps then you'll be able to get more help for her, but in the meantime, do what you can to help her be safe (if she'll let you).
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