My 87-year-old mom takes a sit down shower that exhausts her, then she can't do anything the rest of the day. Is this normal?

Joanne, there could be a lot of anxiety when it comes to having a shower, and that in itself can make one very tired. There's getting ready for the shower, the shower itself which many elders don't like any more, then drying off, fixing one's hair, getting dressed again... whew, that's a lot for a 87 year old.

As for shopping, I was the one who got exhausted taking my elder Mom grocery shopping.... getting her into the car, driving her to the store, helping her out of the car, reaching up on the top shelves for items, bending down for bottom shelf items [and having problems trying to stand back up], putting the items on the belt to be checked out, loading the groceries into the car [a basket full of items], and unloading the items into the house, then putting the items away. All Mom did was go for the ride, point out items, and ride back home. She couldn't figure out why I was soooo tired :P

Try to have her shower at the end of the day so that it is relaxing for her and she can go on to sleep. Less trouble to get into pjs than to get dressed. Is she normally up and about if she doesn't have a shower?

Is the water too hot?
Does she stay in there too long?
Does she need more assistance?

I agree about there being a certain amount of anxiety involved for seniors. They may be apprehensive about being exposed, slipping, being unsteady getting in and out. Being anxious, can tire you out.

The facility where my LO resides, plays music in their shower room. I assume it's to help relax the residents during their showers.

I think doing it near bedtime is good too, since she can rest afterwards.