Our mom — in a short term rehab facility post hospital stay — appears (to me) to possibly be in a dying phase. She has refused more than a tiny bit of food and water for weeks and becomes confused at times. She has lost a lot of weight and is extremely weak.
My sibling says Mom is just being stubborn by not eating. She's incredibly upset with Mom. All dental, dry mouth, taste bud, etc. causes have been ruled out.
Any guidance on dealing with upset sibling? Sibling’s incredible frustration with our mom is not helping. At all. I have shared guidance on dying stages with sibling who appears unwilling to consider anything other than pure stubbornness on Mom’s part. This is not helping us move forward in Mom’s best interest. At all. Thank you for any insight.
They will be able to best explain to your siblings what happens as the body prepares to leave this world for the next.
Mom had two bleeding ulcers and lost a lot of blood. Stayed in hospital until stable. Now in rehab for physical therapy and occupational therapy. Unable to toilet alone. Or eat. Also is legally blind so requires assistance with eating. And negotiating space. Can see peripherally.
You do not give info on mom, her age, medical condition as to why she is in rehab or her general medical condition prior to hospitalization.
Big question is ... Who is mom's POA?
This is the person that will be making the medical decisions.
I urge you to discourage the thought of a feeding tube.
If her body is not digesting food to put food into her it will cause more problems.
I would ask for a Hospice evaluation at this point.
Try to lean on each other for support and love. Best of luck to you all. ❤️
Fast forward: 4 weeks later was advised by the facility and attorneys to resolve several legal issues and hopefully bring him back to FL. We did per his request.
My father ate a full meal the day he returned.
In short, we found his eating issue was emotionally based per his Doctor.
You might address that avenue, if your sister is constantly upset with her. You'd be surprised what is being said that you're not hearing. We were!
Good luck
A short term rehab facility does not go along with your description of mom in a dying phase. Are you sure you're not misunderstanding her condition?
The goal of the rehab facility is for the patient to improve and become mobile.
Ask the nurse or doctor in charge of your mother's care plan if your mother is expected to improve, or if it is time for hospice care. A hospice nurse will not only help the patient, but will help the family through this difficult time.
Reality will not be much comfort to your sibling, but it might ease your own frustration with your sibling to remember his or her exasperation comes from desperation to keep your mother alive.
Is mom taking meds or painkillers of any kind? When my dad was in rehab, painkillers killed his appetite and made him nauseous.
What doctors have discussed this with sibling?
Who is the POA in charge and is that person TAKING CHARGE to protect mom's end of life journey from being one of the torture of forced feedings?
Is hospice involved, and have they discussed all this with sibling, social workers and clergy?
Grief counseling is often the only recourse.
YOU would be the worst one to address this with your sib. WORST ONE!
Sympathize with her inability to accept that not everything can be fixed. Give her hugs and sympathy and love. Reassure her that people can sustain life on one spoonful of honey and minimal amounts of water. Speak to her about your mom's long (I hope) life and happy days. Let her know her grief and her attempts to "fix things" is understandable, but that not everything can BE fixed. Hold her hand. Let her weep.
it’s important to get water into them
without it you will see mental decline and a whole host of symptoms you could liken to dementia and such
sips- maybe a straw
ask the hospital for mother to be put in a drip
we thought my dad was just being stubborn but hospitals kind of generate depression and negative emotions
we got my father out - if he had stayed he wouldn’t be here now
they recover much better at home or around family if you are able
but to highlight
its a long journey
we had to break the Hispital mental damage out of him
he’s now 94 eating and drinking properly and in full mental faculties