Mom is refusing to eat and take her meds. If she dies can I be held liable for her death from starvation?

You're doing all the right things. If your mother is of sound mind, she has the right to refuse medical treatment and the right to refuse food. If you are ensuring that both of these things are constantly and easily available to her should she change her mind, and given that you have no right to force them on her, how could you possibly be guilty of neglect? Your aunts are suffering from the common delusion that they could do better. Are they going to give it a try? No, thought not. Keep in touch with the authorities, keep offering her water and food, keep monitoring her bloods, and if you're still worried keep a detailed log of everything.

Far from neglecting your mother, you are giving her the best kind of loving care.
Unfortunately, her choices are still agonising for you - is there anyone around who can help you with that? x

Jimmy they will always say no to a question of do you want to go to the hospital. The real question is, "Should she be in the hospital?" If the answer is "YES" then you need to get her there.

When they are calling out for their "Momma" they can be dreaming but they are most likely hallucinating. My mother did this in September when she was hospitalized..... her medications were wrong and she was dehydrated. If you Mom does this when you leave the room, she may also be afraid to be alone. My father began sleeping in the living room because he was afraid to be in his bedroom, my mother now will sometimes make that comment as well.

I think you need to either take her in to see her doctor, call her doctor and explain everything that is going on or call a social worker or hospice to come and check on her. Do not just leave her in this condition.

im not experienced with this issue but if it were me id ask aps to look in on her. if she is indeed failing her body will not require or accept food but for legal purposes and peace of mind id let authorities make a decision concerning her well being. they may bring a nurse to the home if its medical facilities that your mother is resisting.
you may face legal liability if you dont seek a professional opinion .
this is what i think i would do.

jimmyrbrock, I read that your mother is diabetic, so I understand how concerned you are. Which diabetic medications is she supposed to be taking? Have you been able to get her to check her glucose level? In your situation I would make an appointment for you to talk to her doctor very quickly to see what the options are. Since she is diabetic, not eating and taking medications is not an option for her unless she is ready to die. It is unfair for her to expect others just sit and watch while she does it. Talk to her doctor to get some advice as soon as possible. If she starts to go into metabolic failure, call 911 to take her to the er. Maybe they will admit her to a geriatric psych program to see if they can help her past what sounds like depression. My thoughts and hopes are with you. It is a cruel thing to have to watch while this happens.

.This is so difficult. I think keeping a written, or oral (recorded on some device) account of your daily attempts to feed her and help her - like calling an ambulance - is a good idea, even if only for your peace of mind. Make sure her doctor and/or other professionals know what is happening. The personnel who came with the ambulance will have a record of her responses. I agree that the aunts are speaking out of grief. I think a home visit from APS, or a social worker is a good idea. You might ask the aunts to be there at the time, so they better understand what is happening.

Looking for someone to help you through this is also a good idea, and further evidence to a professional that you are doing what you can. Meanwhile you can get support here. Please do come back and let us know how you are doing. Seeing a loved one make choices that are not in their own best interests is always very hard. You can lead a horse to water, but... ((((((((((((hugs))))))))).

Thanks, Her Sisters did come Visit one sunday a couple weeks ago stayed maybe 30 mins after driving about an 1 hr and 1/2, They had to get back. After that is when they decided this. I have gotton letters from a Pharmist and a Tech which states me asking question on how to get her to eat and suggestions on what to eat. Trying to get Hospice to come in now cause she is seeing things and People that are not there.Thanks for the Hugs and Prayers.

Maybe the pharmacist, the "tech" or hospice will have some ideas that you haven't yet tried. One thing I wanted to mention was that you said you tried to give her Ensure. Was that the milkshake type of Ensure? Did you know that they have a juice blend Ensure now that is thinner like a juice and yet it contains protein? Have you tried that? If you haven't, do you your mom would sip that if she just thought it was a liquid juice? It might give her some nourishment if she's willing to try it thinking it's only fruit juice.

Now that her sisters have been there to see her, and stayed such a short time for such a long trip, don't be surprised if they take some kind of action to obtain control of the situation legally and without informing you until you get notified by the court that there is a hearing scheduled. Long distance non-caregivers who gain guardianship for conservatorship will often make an arbitrary decision that patients are not being well cared for, take them out of their home and place them in a facility. It may be right or wrong, needed or not, but it often leaves the caregiver out in the cold with no place to live. I hope you have some plans in place for yourself about what you will do in this eventuality. I don't want to be negative or a wet blanket, I just don't want you to be in shock and unprepared should that come to pass.

Oh jimmy, we all know how hard this is on you as the person who provides the 24/7 maintenance. Watching a human being, especially a relative and more especially a child or parent, decline before your very eyes when you are helpless to change the outcome, is just one of the most stressful and horrific things that can happen. You have done the best you can and other than continuing to provide access to anything your mom WILL accept, you are pretty much powerless. Just I know that you can be proud of your behavior and that those of us who know what you're going through really appreciate you!

I doubt it. Are you the only one taking care of her? How old is she? Have her sisters tried to come in and feed her?

There are two problems: Getting her to eat, and Protecting yourself from charges of neglect.

Will she eat ice cream or fruit smoothies? Does she have a terminal disease? When was the last time a doctor saw her? There is medication that will increase her appetite. If she becomes unconscious, you can call 911 and have her taken to the hospital, where they can feed her.

If she is truly dying, and knows her time is near, her body may no longer want any food. It can be cruel to try to force a dying person to eat. If she is just depressed, and not yet near dying, she may need an antidepressant to make her want to live.

To protect yourself, make sure there are witnesses to your efforts to feed her and get her to the doctor.

This is a very sad and difficult situation. Give us more details, and we may have better advice.

I agree with the advice to keep a log. I'd also get a videotape of your mom where you ask her questions about her refusal to eat and take her medication. And ask her the same questions the paramedics ask her, to show that she's with it. What year it is, who is the president, what day it is. And let her doc know what is happening. If your mom doesn't have dementia, then I think you've done what you can. And I also agree with the advice to come here to get support. What you're going through would be hard on anyone!

I'd call public health nurse to come out and make a report, they have a great way of getting things stirred up. You must be on record, cover your self.