Mother refuses medical care...what do I do?

That is a tough one, short of having her declared incompetent I don't think you can force them to do anything. That probably wouldn't solve your problem. Even of she were to see the Dr. unless they put her in the hospital, she probably wouldn't take her meds.

My mother refused to take all her prescribed meds, just the ones she deemed important. She left out the blood thinner that helps keep her from having another stroke. When I told the Dr. she was not taking it, he informed me that was her choice and to quit worrying about it, no one could force her. I told her I wished she would be reasonable and take her meds, but if she wouldn't I was through talking to a wood post and whatever happened was her own damn fault.

She didn't take them for months, then one day said she thought it might be a good idea. Go figure.

Take a break from worrying and know you've done everything you can do! Sometimes crying helps, I had a good one a couple of days ago.

Even though she is elderly, she still deserves respect and the right to make decisions about her own body. Free will is a basic human right.

To daughter22moms, Your correct except for one thing free will no longer comes into play with dementia. Caretakers do the best they can to make sure there love ones are cared for properly desipte there irritational thoughts.

I totally agree with Klig281 doctor, don't worry about her not taking her meds. There is so much we as care givers can do. When someone has dementia/Alzheimer's they tend to focus on one thing and medicine seems to be it because that is what they see more often. My Mom would tell me that I was over medicating her. So every week I would take out her medicine containers and ask her if she needed this with an explanation of what it was for. She thought she needed all of them but then again she would start telling me that I was over medicating her. So again we would go through each one and I would ask her which one she wanted to stop taking. Finally at my wits end, I told her to have someone else to do her medicine so my older sister did--when she was around--and low and behold my Mom never did question her...go figure.
Crying does help but it also gives you a head ache:-). Hugs

The law allows mentally ill adults the choice as to whether to take their medication, an elderly adult with dementia should have the same rights. If they became a physical danger to themselves or others it would be different. The elderly do have the right to make their own medical choices if they have the mental capacity to do so. Dementia and alzheimer does not necessarily make a person incapable of making medical choices.

I agree with letting them choose, i am just wondering if i could be held liable for Elder abuse?

You might be able to treat your mother for her problems by getting the right supplements and having her eat the right kinds of foods. Yes, and pernicious anemia is due to low Vitamin B12. If you go to the Medicinenet.com website, there is a good article about B-12 and pernicious anemia. You want to get the B-12 methylcobalamin because it is most absorbable. Same goes for UTIs. You want to prevent them from developing into sepsis and the way to do it is having your mom take a d-mannose supplement. Dr. Mercola has a good article on UTIs and d-mannose. Also take a good probiotic as this helps strengthen the digestive system and build up the good bacteria that is killed when people take too much prescribed antibiotics. Do your research. Not everything needs to be handled in a doctor's office.

I've seen numerous posts elesewhere on this site which explain that UTIs can cause confusion among the elderly. I guess it's quite common. So, I don't think the "free will" approach is in play yet.

Perhaps you could call her doctor's office and explain the situation to them...needs to be checked but won't cooperate Perhaps they would have some suggestions or can offer assistance. Is there a friend or family member your mother trusts and would listen to? You could approach them about speaking with her. Also, there may be an organization near you that could offer help such as your Area Agency on Aging, Adult Day Care/Elder Care programs/facilities. While they may not be able to respond to your dilemma, they may know of someone who can. For instance, some communities have in-home nursing visits available for senior citizens and/or the handicapped.

I hope you get some answers and help and please keep us informed of your situation. I wish you the best...

I feel your pain! I have a 92 year old mother who has dementia, hardening of the arteries, and has had several small strokes. She ended up in the emergency room a week ago with her electrolytes all mesed up, her potassium level was at the danger level, too low. This was all from her not wanting to eat or drink! In her mind this makes her sick. When at the hospital for 4 days and on fluids by IV, she still did not eat hardly any of her food. The whole time at the emergency room and in the hospital she kept telling me she wanted to die. She will tend to do this when she can't get her way! The dementia has caused her to do things like try to make a phone call with the remote control, hide things and not remember where she put them such as her keys in the refrigerator. She went to use the iron one day and tried to put egg beaters into the holes on the bottom of the iron! The Dr. said she needs 24 hour care & cannot be alone anymore and had me move her to a nursing home from the hospital. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life!! The Dr said if I tried to take care of her myself it would drive everyone in my family crazy and cause my marriage to possible be in trouble because dementia only gets worse. Well, now I have to face my mother being furious with me for putting her there, even though it is the best place for her. Every time I visit with her (which is almost every day) all she talks about wanting to go home to her place! She doesn't seem to understand that 24 hr care will end up being even more exspensive than a nursing home. So what can I tell her. The nurses say to ignore her, but how can I when all she talks about is this and then starts with the "I want to die bit and that she prays every night that she won't wake up. If she keeps up with that thye will probably send her to a psych hospital! I couldn't live with myself if they did that. When I am with her I feel guilty because I am neglecting my family, when I am home I feel guilty because I am not with her because I know when I go back up there she will make me feel that way! So, I feel for you and will pray for you and your mom!

Why do doctors want to prescribe different anti-psychotic medications for the elderly? It's really experimentation - just maybe they will find one that improves the elderly persons "mood". Ask for a list of the meds they are trying, then read the side effects from those meds. Some of them are awful - which could explain why your Mom behaves as she does. I cared for my father-in-law for eight years - he had basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer on his ear). Half of one side of his face was missing as the cancer spred. It was horrible and Dad did not like to keep a bandage on it. To a stranger it was truly a shocking sight. He would let me bandage it when we went out. At home I did what he asked and didn't push him. Insisting he take or do something only seem to make the situation worse; which just didn't seem logical. I talk to many people with elderly parents and the words "grumpy or stubborn" always seem to come up. Try to remember your Mom before she became ill; be kind to her. Cry when necessary. I am sure your Mom wants to cry too. Play her favorite music, softly. Read to her. Perhaps she enjoys talking about "the old days". Even if it doesn't make a lot of sense, let her talk. Share in the conversation, even if it seems a little weird. Do all that you can to make her remaining years as peaceful and pleasant as possible. I am telling you this so you will be a peace after your Mom passes. You do not want to look back and wish you had been nicer, or done something better, etc. You and your Mom are in my prayers and I hope you find the strenght from faith to care for your Mom in the best way possible. God willing we will all live to be "elderly" and hopefully our senior years will be good ones; but there are no guarantees.