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An elder care lawyer says since my aunt has been caring for her that now she can’t stop because DHR will charge her with abandonment. I find this hard to believe. I thought social services were there to help. But I was told they will charge you with abandonment then place her somewhere. So how do you get your own health and family taken care of if this is true?

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I seriously doubt this myself. Especially in Georgia or most of the South. If your mother refuses help, then that’s her right. Let her be. Events will happen that will force her to change. Sorry you have to wait for that, but that’s what her refusal will require
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Unless your aunt doesn’t have guardianship over your mom, it’s not abandonment. Your mom is allowed to refuse help and make bad decisions. Does the lawyer think you can force your
mom to accept help or what?
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I think perhaps this lawyer isn't very busy, especially now, and is looking for a gullible client (no offense intended to you).
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This doesn't sound right. No one can be made to care for another. Your Aunt needs to get back to her family. She was only there to get Mom up and running. Its not her fault that Mom is not doing for herself. Maybe if Aunt left, Mom would have to do. Have Aunt tell her she needs to do for herself. Because, as soon as this virus thing is over she is going home to her husband.

Maybe call Office of Aging and run things by them. Ask if they can send someone out to explain to Mom what resources are out there for her.
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worriedinCali Apr 2020
Many office of aging are closed and/or not doing assets during the pandemic.
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Lord, I hope not. I don’t see how you can force someone to accept help.

With children, it is abandonment. I know someone who was having trouble in her marriage. She told her husband that she was leaving for a few days. She was gone for three days.

She had three young kids under 12. He took her to court and pressed charges of abandonment and he got full custody of the children.
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If your aunt is not her legal guardian , she is free to leave . If she is , your aunt can find a home for your mom .
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He's wrong. Find a new attorney.
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It depends on the state. If you don't believe your lawyer, then get another opinion. There are strict laws in some states that govern family responsibilities toward elders.
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Your aunt can’t be forced to stay to take care of your Mom (unless maybe she had become her guardian). Simple as that. If she is not your Mom’s guardian, she is free to leave.
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Bixon Law (a .com) in Georgia gives some valuable advice. In case the link below is deleted, search "elder abuse charges georgia"

https://bixonlaw.com/elder-abuse-charges-georgia/

Does mom have dementia ???

Have YOU (NOT your Aunt) thought of going to court for a guardianship/conservatorship (whatever term is used in GA)?

When you file and document your concerns, the court MAY, based on behavior or demeanor in court, order an evaluation - - something your mom can't refuse.

She will be served and expected to appear. If she doesn't show, the judge MAY treat it as a default and make an order based on your filing.

My suggestion: don't facilitate her getting ready for court or getting there - - let her get herself ready even if that means being disheveled. If she is able to self-determine going, you can offer to call for transportation that SHE must pay for.

Remember that most actions in court are adversarial - - it will be YOU against HER - - NEVER put her in harm's way, BUT DO NOT HELP if you want to prevail and rescue your Aunt - - competent persons do not typically need help, but incompetent ones are often very resourceful at stimulating others to help them - - something that is definitely not a long-term solution, as can be seen by your Aunt's assistance.

I think the crux of the issue is whether or not your aunt is "responsible" for your mom's care.

If your mom is competent, she is allowed to choose her care or not.

Not that easy if she is determined not competent to make reasonable and effective decisions about her health and/or finances. No one should "walk away" from an incompetent person until other adequate options are put in place.

I believe that would be where to start before anyone leaves incompetent folks on their own.
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Start with the doctor. Get an evaluation of mom's competence. Have aunt bring a list of everything she does for your mom and why she has to do those things. The doctor may then diagnose mom as being incompetent and unable to live alone. Aunt can then work to get mom into a place before aunt needs to leave. Calling the local authorities on non-emergency line should help with getting resources for mom as well.
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You just need to get on the phone and call Dept of Social Services and find out or maybe DHEC (DHEC oversees nursing homes, etc. to a degree). One of these agencies will know and point you in the right direction. Your Aunt is not her legal guardian nor does she have POA I am assuming?? She can walk off and tell social services she is leaving. Aunt is not a “prisoner”. She was just stepping in. Aunt can tell them she is not able to care for her sister and has a family of her own. This is not a hard thing to handle.
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Seriously doubt the veracity of the attorney's answer unless your aunt has guardianship of your mother. which she does she can return to the state, if she is no longer able or willing to fulfill her obligations. You cannot be forced to care for someone who is over the age of 18. I would still call The Office on Aging in spite of the current epidemic. You will be first on their list when they open again if nothing else and many of the offices are responding by telephone to give you additional resources. They are not doing personal in-home assessments at this time.
If there was an emergency and your aunt has to leave immediately. I would then call Adult Protective Services because if your mother is alone she is considered in imminent danger. Be prepared for them to ask where you and any other members of the family are located because even they will have a difficult time with placement during the pandemic.
Praying for the best for you your mom and the family
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Have you contacted the area agency on Aging for assistance? Cathol i c charities may be of assistance as well. Does your mother have finanves for care? What level of functioning is she? Does she have dementia? I think the best place to start is with aging services. They can provide you with guidance based on the information you provide. Good luck.
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Tbw777 Apr 2020
Yes we spoke to someone there and was told they can not help us. Especially could not get anyone here because of the virus. I get that but was very disappointed with the person I talked to. No help whatsoever. They said private care was our only option.
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Speak to the elder's Council on Aging. There they will have a dedicated elder care individual as well as a social worker on staff.
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A woman with two minor children (one not even in school yet) was manipulated into caring for MIL in MIL's home. Situation was supposed to be temporary and DIL was led to believe that MIL had capacity and resolve to improve. Regardless of the reason, MIL did not improve but instead became increasingly demanding, cunning, lied, hid things (important things), toileting accidents, and was a dead lift when she fell. And that's just the beginning. DIL could not take it physically or mentally. Her children suffered. MIL eventually ended up in the hosp and then rehab - which was ending. DIL walked in and advised that MIL had "nowhere to go" and would not be returning home. Period. Rehab happened to have a regular NH room to which MIL was transferred. DIL needed strong backbone and had to stick to her guns in terms of what she could not continue trying to do in terms of caring for MIL. There were certainly no abandonment charges filed - even though I guess that technically abandonment is what DIL did. Knowing the situation, it was what needed to be done. That said, I do agree with a previous poster that laws can be different by state and make sure that's been addressed. Getting into a legal mess from trying to be helpful to another human being would be awful.
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Lymie61 Apr 2020
I totally agree everyone needs to check their particular state but in the situation you describe above doesn't sound like legal “abandonment” to me because MIL was in a safe place where she had care, this is the dilemma hospitals and rehabs have in fact and why they often try to strong arm and guilt unsuspecting family into accepting responsibility back. Refusing to take her back and care for her is not the same as dropping her off at he front door and taking off, that would be abandonment, at least the way I understand it and sometimes even as long as you drop someone off in the waiting room of a hospital or inside a church even it isn’t considered abandonment...but then we are probably back to various state interpretations. This is also why the suggestions here are often to wait for a hospital event/stay and then be clear that it isn’t safe to send them home (wherever that might be) because proper care isn't possible. The facility trying to release them is responsible for the patients safety which means a safe discharge.
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If your aunt does not have guardianship, leaving is not called abandonment. Your Mom is over 18 and responsible for herself. If your aunt decides her help is too difficult, it is time to let Mom go and she will folly with her own decisions.
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I've done quite a bit of research into this issue. Unfortunately, I think most of the answers given above are overly optimistic. The truth is it depends on your local statutes, ordinances, and case law. In some states, the person who undertakes to care for an elder is then responsible for the care and may not legally stop providing care. If there is money for paid care and the dependent person refuses it, that can be a good argument against finding liability of the former caregiver. But it doesn't mean she won't be accused. It's a real difficult situation.

There are a couple of people on this forum who have personal experience with this situation, and I hope they'll see this post and weigh in.
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Mysteryshopper Apr 2020
Thanks for this information. Just wondering what you have read in situations where elder's condition declines to where caregiver can no longer do the work? In my previous post, DIL was supposed to provide temporary care for MIL. Not only was it not turning out to be temporary, but MIL's condition was declining instead of improving. DIL didn't have the training, stamina, or time (2 kids of her own) to run the show anymore and it was going downhill fast. Or, what if DIL had suffered a heart attack during this time or fell asleep at the wheel due to exhaustion? DIL would have been incapacitated and would then need care herself - perhaps indefinitely. I personally believe that one must proceed with extreme caution when providing care or even getting involved at all in some cases and I believe this is why people run for the hills when an elder's needs start increasing. Sometimes people believe they can help someone they love, but they really can't keep it going long term and it scares me that there would be no legal escape clause for that person and that they would have to continue care. It's sad/scary to end up in a legal mess because the job turned out to be too big or multiple factors changed midstream.
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