Mom receives little ‘gifts’ from the well-known charity she donates to monthly. Ever hear of this?

YES, I get a lot of items in the mail, but never a rep stopping by
I'd look into who these people are coming to your mom.

A "charity" coming to the house is not acceptable.

I live in the suburbs of DC, in a "small town." Facebook has a page called "Town of (my town)" for our area, as well as many other neighboring towns. Anytime there is a shady person going door to door, someone will post about it to warn others. Many others chime in about when and where the solicitor was last seen.
Same goes for the good guys. We have a man from the electric company who comes around and helps replace light bulbs with long lasting ones, etc, while giving you tips on how to save on electricity. THAT sounded shady to me, but people have called the electric company many times and he's legit.

My point is, get on the town page for you area and do a search for solicitors and charities that have been in your area. Or post the question yourself. I'm sure you'll get plenty of answers! Best of luck with your mother.

Your state Attorney General should have pamphlets and reports regarding charities that are real or bogus. They do presentations at senior groups and retirement homes to educate the elderly about phone scams, mail frauds, solicitors, etc. My mother used to give to so many charities, I'm surprised she has any money left! Anyone with a sad story to tell got a donation, then they passed her name and address to others with sad stories. I throw out 3-5 requests for money every day and she hasn't lived with me in 3 years. I haven't had anyone actually visit though. The only people that tend to prowl our neighborhood are those fake energy companies. My mother nearly switched us to one when I was at work one day. My son called me and I spoke to the gentleman over the phone, firmly asking him to leave. I then called the town and asked whether his company had a permit to solicit. They did not. Haven't seen them in the last 3 years. The elderly are so trusting and people are so dishonest these days. We need to protect them.

jacobsonbob, I like your method of response!

What we eventually did whenever my father got a solicitation from someone other than the few to which he eventually narrowed the selection, was to let me know and I'd research the exec's salaries.    Any CEO making over $100K either was told the next time they called that they were making more than we did, or he or I marked it on any solicitation with a SASE and returned it.

Sometimes I sweetly called the organization and told them that I never made anywhere near the amount of money these so-called charity execs made and I therefore never made a policy of donating to people richer than me.   I did that a lot. 

It's amazing how many of these so-called charities pay CEOs $400K and upward.

I haven't seen any updates on the background research on the charity mentioned earlier, so I'll share a very insightful link:

https://paddockpost.com/2019/02/08/executive-compensation-at-st-judes-2017/

Note that one of the 2 entities, the fundraising one,  has 1639 employees whose work focuses solely on fundraising.  

Highest paid execs from the fundraising entity and the hospital entity both were paid over $1M for FY2017.     Note the ratio of men to women of the highly compensated people.
 
And the hospital entity paid for "tax indemnification". Look it up. Would you want your donation to be in part allocated for something like this?

Before anyone gives to any charity, do this kind of background research.  Although it's different for each charity, you learn a lot from articles like the one I cited.

Another interesting aspect of charities is their bloodhound section.   I learned about it when I changed my father's mailing address to mine, and the charities followed.

Apparently the USPO has a list of forwarding addresses, available to charitable entities, as well as jerks and scammers.    I still get charitable solicitations and cards from those pretend real estate jerks, the so-called flippers. 

If someone wants to play games with the solicitors, tell them you have your accountant evaluate their tax returns (and/or financial statements), so you need to have copies of them for the last 5 years... or more.

My mom told me that she thought she was being scammed about a year from when I became her POA and would NOT allow me to try to find out anything about it, so when I became her POA and the "gifts" would not stop, I began a year long campaign of "returning gifts" to this particular and well-known scam business that advertises regularly on T.V., magazines, newspapers, radio, etc., and when they demanded the rest of a payment for one that I could not locate ( $7 owed), I wrote a heated letter to them inviting them to come to the storage units in 115 degree heat and look for it themselves if they wanted it that badly.  I finally had to get the Guardianship attorney to write them a letter before they quit harassing me.  Yes, it happens, and people are suckered in to it all of the time, and you don't have to be old and sick to become one of their victims either.

I would call the charity and tell them to stop visiting.
If they want to keep sending her stuff, whatever. But, it would make me wonder if she's giving them more than you think she's giving them?

Kat; In your shoes, I think the wise thing to do would be to alert mom's lawyer to the fact that this is going on. Let the firm deal with this.

Because mom (apparently) has a "springing" POA and you have to standing to act until she is declared incompetent, you are best served by having other, more intimidating folks do the heavy lifting for you.

I have been down the dementia road with both my mom (very cooperative) and my MIL (totally NON cooperative). Neither is easy, but cooperative folks have better outcomes.

Since your mom is choosing, just let her be. You have NO responsibility here.

My late husband and i stopped at St. Josephs Mission out in the mid west and boy once they had our name it was a constant flow of "gifts" with a request for money. When I did some research, I found out they were nothing but scam artists who had several million in assets, and were sending dream catchers and other gifts. I also found out that the children they used as models for "Orphans, etc." were being used to help obtain donations under false pretenses. I called and sent many messages asking to be removed from their mailing lists. No such luck. It took months to be taken off their mailing lists. Because we were being send unsolicited gifts, etc., I kept the items and cut all contact with them.

Many charities try to entice more donations from those who give to the charity by providing the donors with small "gifts". The gifts are the responsibility of the charity and must be paid for by them. No donor is legally obligated to pay for that gift with another donation. It is a guilt plea - another way to make money. Either pass the "gifts" on to someone who can use them or toss them but you decide if you want to make a donation.

We finally in her early stages of dementia -- took away her purse-- wallet, ID, military ID, Soc-Sec card, Medicare card, and especially her checkbook--- they all still fish at my address-- good ol' amesty international. We do support local charities her in Southern Indiana in her name. She has been in hospice since January.

I haven't heard of a "charity" sending a rep to visit, but they certainly do send the gifts. My mother has about 25 dreamcatchers, hundreds of greeting cards (some of which have been useful), some throws, bags, more than a dozen oversize calculators, and dozens of ballpoint pens from charities. She gave to a lot of charities pre-Alzheimer's, and a few more post-. Check her checking acct; she may be doing automatic monthly donations. She may be doing them via credit card also. Then ignore the phone calls. Anything that shows up on caller id as unknown or an 800, 866, or other toll-free call is someone who wants money. After more than a year, the mail is slowing down, but the calls keep coming.

When I do get a call asking for donations, I tell them thar
this year we are giving only to the church,
on unwanted gifts, we take them and if useful will keep, no keeper they go into the trash No donations.
wife was giving to many, Since I started picking up the mail, she does not donate to anyone. Was getting an average of five request per day.

I see scam written all over it. Call the charity places to see and let them know and let police know

Something is majorly amiss with a rep coming to the house.
#1 Is the rep "casing" the home?
#2 That's a target for potential criminal activity.
#3 If one gives to organizations like St. Jude's, the free "gifts" one receives are of nominal value - note paper, address labels, etc.
#4 This must be a scam.

It's a common practice for some charities to send inexpensive token gifts to their donors. I think there are very few to none, who donate with the actual intention of receiving a gift.
However, elderly people can misunderstand, sometimes, what an organization is offering. My mother, in her upper 80's, living in a nursing home, still received junk mail, from which she was convinced she had won a million dollars. The written material said "You MAY have already won a million dollars if you entered last weeks "sweepstakes".
The family tried to point out to her that actually no promise had been made to her. She never quite accepted that, but finally decided that the organization must have discovered she was an old woman in a nursing home and awarded the prize to someone else.

I would also contact the local police. There may be a non-solicitation ordinance that requires people to register with the police if they are knocking on doors. I'd contact the 'charity' (in writing) and inform them that you are taking all possible steps to let people know of their questionable tactics. Maybe you could arrange to be there when the person visits? Or have a neighbor there? I think your mom may be being set up for a big financial hit.

My experience is if you send a donation to a charity - just one time - you are on their list and you receive a continual stream of gifts in the mail like calendars, personalized notepaper, greeting cards with envelopes, day books, and of course printed address labels and seals. Plus you are promoted to Team Captain for your town's annual fund drive (which happens monthly), and furthermore, your name and address is picked up by every other charity, even ones you didn't know existed, and you get the same sort of mailings from them also. And you never have to send any of them any contribution for all that largess, nor fill out forms. In my experience nobody comes calling with this stuff. So there it is...

I'm sort of amazed you haven't put a stop to this. If not by persuading your mother to end the visits and donations, then by contacting the local police, Protective Services, and the group sending the rep. This could be downright dangerous for your mom and well as for her finances. Please take action asap.

My mom also received “visits” from a rep for probably the largest charity in the US. I questioned the rep and she said they did regular visits to their donors checking to see how they are, bringing gifts from the “kids”, asking if they were receiving too much mail from the charity, etc. The rep left me a message asking if my mother was ok because she saw a leaf buildup outside her door and wondered if she still lived in the house. Oddly enough, at the time I was actually contributing much more money to this charity and was never visited (go figure).
This was not a scam, I believe they were trying to groom my mother so she would leave them money in her will.

Would it be impertinent to ask the name of this "charity"? They sound very shady and it might be useful to some others on the forum. Thankfully only the junk mail has followed the forwarded address, no visits or calls (although I still get TONS of junk calls, they are unrelated to mom, just plain old FN annoying robo-calls and I just ignore/dismiss the calls.)

Rather than calling them to stop the practice (they can claim she has agreed to it and won't stop), I would find out what I could about them (scam artists? preying on elderly?) and perhaps involve the police or attorney general. "Legacy" giving could wipe out someone's savings/home. While your mom might not have much of anything to leave, this should still be stopped. The only funny thing would be if she left the house with reverse MTG and it wasn't worth a dime to them! However, she could be signing off on any number of things or having items stolen or more money being drained from her.

I also posted comments to other comments - install that camera while she is out. Don't ask permission, just do it. If you insist on talking with this charity, you could let them know that they are on camera and that you are notifying the police... Might make them think twice.

For the new doctor, I would request a face-to-face visit before her actual appt. He/she needs to understand that there is likely some dementia going on. The "mini" exam they do isn't really worth much - later stages of dementia, sure, but not early stages, and early stages are when some elders really get ripped off! Head strong, sure. But YOU know your mother better than any doctor ever will. Was this type of behavior normal before (not the head strong, probably long time)? While she may be head strong with you, clearly she isn't with these people! I often wonder now if someone scammed mom out of her wedding diamond (even possibly one of the aides we had hired.) She was wearing some odd ring instead, but when I asked about the rings, she didn't really have an answer. I think that ring is gone now too. I did try to check for the diamond when we packed up her condo - didn't see it and haven't had time to fine comb through all the "jewelry." I would also call my mother "head strong", even NOW after living in MC almost THREE years!

Early dementia is very sneaky and hard to detect unless you spend enough time together. In retrospect, there were some very early signs that we likely missed, since she lived alone. Once we took the car away, more was revealed (not really cooking, relying on boxed crap and frozen dinners, found tons of chicken frozen and shriveled up veggies in the fridge!) Repeating herself was another clear sign. Digging out old papers and misunderstanding what they were... By then it was obvious. But, before I became aware, it is likely that she could have been taken for a ride by people like this.

P.S. What you call "head strong" could just be part of dementia. Mom was ADAMANT that she was fine, independent and could cook (not) AND stated emphatically (read nastily) that she was old and entitled to forget things now and then (now and then mom???? like 2 minutes ago????)

Katsmihur, yes, she would have to change her Will to add a Legacy provision, easily done by an attorney who can prepare a Codicil which adds, changes, modifies or deletes a provision, but affirms that all other terms remain intact. 

I've received sample legacy donations from charities, a very strong "hint" that I include them in my estate plan.   They're not even shy about it.   Nor do they address me specifically; they're just standardized "give us money!" legacy requests.

UPDATE: Still no answer when calling two phone numbers I was given. Called charity’s ORGANIZATION that employs these Gift Planners, and was promised a phone call back. That did happen, however, I wasn’t around my phone, and was left a message with her name, title and cell phone. I called her cell, left a message I was returning her call about Gift Planning. No return call from Monday.

The fact that you cannot get answers to the phone calls and are playing phone-tag are also some red lights flashing. In the end, even if you make contact with this person, she can refuse to give you ANY info, because your POA (if you have one) has not been activated yet, so basically it is none of your business, as sad as that sounds.

I still would like you to name this "charity", so that others on this forum can be made aware of the danger involved here. Sure, she may need to change her will to do a legacy, but she lives alone, there is no camera, and you have NO idea whether they have brought an attorney to re-do her will or not! They could do that!

You said:
"Mom repeats herself, literally asking me the same thing from a minute ago, or re-confirms a conversation, again (because she has a hearing problem that she says she doesn’t have, lol).

She has not always been THIS head strong. A bit hard headed and always a closed mind to other alternatives and concepts, but so much more exacerbated in the past few years. I believe some dementia at play, as well."

It does indeed sound like early dementia. Poor decisions, blaming others, repeating statements/questions AND being hard headed, esp if it has increased AND directed more at you than others. These are subtle changes and just how our mom was in the early stage.

Regular PCPs could miss these "signs" and as noted, the test they give in a PCP office is not very thorough. It *might* show early signs, but not always - sometimes people can work around these simple tests. Somehow the changes you note must be highlighted to the doctor, esp since this will be a new one, who knows nothing about your mom. (we had changed PCPs and despite mom living in MC for over TWO years, they still attempted to give her the test! Between the hearing loss, exacerbated by the hearing aid going through the laundry, and dementia, what a joke!)

IF you can get any bad info about the "charity" and mom's involvement, the only way you might be able to undo anything that has been done is to get her diagnosed with dementia, activate POA AND consult with an EC attorney! They could claim she wasn't impaired at the time(s) she agreed to anything... BUT, I would, going forward, do what you can to get control of the situation before it gets any worse.

FINALLY spoke to St. Jude’s Gift Planner today.

Explained that between friends my age who have elderly parents, an online group and a local caregiver’s group I attend, NO ONE has ever experienced personal visits to their home by a charity. Her response? Said she’d take that statement as a compliment, as it sets them apart!! She explained St. Judes strives to keep their donors updated on the charity’s activities and strives to be good stewards of donations received.

She said in the couple of visits she’s had with Mom, there was never any paperwork signed (even though I was told by St. Judes in Memphis that this is one scenario why Gift Planners make personal visits).

At the last visit, she said Mom was very organized, had questions and, because of that, she was able to lighten the mail being directed to Mom. Isn’t that so very nice?!?!?!

Told her numerous times that Mom’s monthly donations are enough, and that I don’t want to believe ALSAC (St. Jude’s organization dedicated to raising funds) is taking advantage of Mom.

I’ll be adding these examples of bad decision-making on Mom’s part as she lets these reps into her home in my third letter to her PCP.

Another item will be a definite change in perception while driving. She drove through a huge pot hole, blowing out the tire and driving on the rim to get to her restaurant (instead of pulling over immediately). She travels this road 3+ times a week and knows it’s been under construction for almost a year now. But yet she drove normal speed, didn’t see It and drove right into it. She spent 7 hours waiting for emergency repair, then a tow truck (that took her car to THEIR garage that night for delivery to the dealer the NEXT day). Dealer is literally blocks away . . . So Mom will pay a storage fee, I’m sure. Didn’t ask restaurant manager to call me to get her to take her home, but a waitstaff person took her. Great, so now another stranger has taken her home, has seen how dark her property is because outside lights NOT on, has seen her fumble for 5 minutes in the car just looking for her house keys . .

Thanks for sharing the name of the charity.   I'm assuming you read the article I citied sometime earlier about the two St. Jude organizations, especially the one dedicated solely to fundraising?

It's unfortunate that it's developed this way; I think the organization used to be quite helpful at one time.  It may still be, but the aggressiveness of the fundraising organization is offensive.

Did the rep happen to mention how being good stewards of funds received allows them to pay exorbitant salaries?  


On the issue of the darkness, can you arrange to have motion activated lights installed?  

It's always something, isn't it?  Just when you think life has settled down, something else happens.

Katsmihur: Thank you for the shocking update - especially about mom damaging her auto! Yikes!

Robin, yes - Jennifer!

Responded to your message now. Will check my profile for messages . . . TY for letting me know there was one from you hanging out there!

I would be concerned that this group is trying to get her to bequeath her estate to them, and is manipulating the poor old soul. I would suggest you calling the Executive Director, in person and setting up an in person meeting to confront them as to what they are up to.