Mom receives little ‘gifts’ from the well-known charity she donates to monthly. Ever hear of this?

Never heard of this. Stuff in the mail as small tokens of appreciation but never in person. I wouldn’t want to open the door to someone. Maybe I am being too careful. Just sounds a little strange. What do you think?

I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe they just appreciate her help. Not everything that we get for free is suspicious. As long as they stay outside her door and she doesn't invite them in. That might be considered weird. If they are a well known charity group you could contact them and make sure this is on the up and up.

If it is a well-known and reputable charity, I should give them a friendly call, reassure them first that you have no desire to influence your mother's charitable impulses so they need not fear her contributions will cease, but remind them that there are codes of conduct about their relationships with elderly and vulnerable donors and you feel they are being overly intrusive. Occasional acknowledgements and thanks are fine, quarterly newsletters are fine, but cultivating the kind of committed relationship they're after - her Christmas decorations??? Sticking their brand on her desk??? - is not on, and visits to her home from fundraisers are bang out of order. They should back off.

If the well-known charity is not reputable, or rather has a reputation for strong-arming, I should find your mother a better one that addresses roughly the same aims.

Are you sure she's getting personal visits and that these things aren't being sent to her in the mail? Would she be a reliable reporter?

My mother got a lot of this junk. But it was all mailed to her.

I still get junk from a charity I haven't supported for years (this kind of waste was one of the reasons they were struck off my list). The visits from a rep do seem odd though, is it possible she has is eligible to receive benefits from this charity and these visits are part of that?

My dad has received gifts in the mail, often from charities he doesn’t support, but because they buy each other’s mailing lists. I’ve not heard of any personal rep visits. Your profile says your mom lives alone, she shouldn’t be opening the door to what’s essentially a stranger, to anyone that’s not well known to her. That’s dangerous to any elderly person living alone. I’m not elderly yet and I don’t do it! Teach mom to use a peephole or other means to verify who’s at the door, have a frank talk about the same stranger danger we teach our children, and try to convince her she doesn’t know whoever this might be

MIL gets tons of these things through the mail, but never had anyone come in person. That does strike me as odd. Could she be mixed up or saying it was a visit, but it really was just something through the mail?

You definitely have a weird situation here.

Is she giving cash to the rep? I would be concerned that this person is not actually accepting donations for the charity but for themselves.

I would install a camera that allows you to monitor who comes to the door. You wouldn't even have to tell mom and since it's only at the door it doesn't invade her privacy.

I have never received any gifts other then mailing labels, so I can not imagine how that works.

Oh, if she is doing a long form return and the charity is sending her the paperwork to prove her tax deductible contributions, I would take a good look and ensure that these gifts are not lowering the amount of her charitable contributions. A well known tv and radio station offers free gifts for donating during their begathon and the free gifts come right off the top of your donation. How they get away with that fraud is beyond me. Worth checking out if she is using them as tax offsets.

I would be making some calls to ensure that she is not being taken advantage of by someone, whether it is an employee, rep or ?

Does she enjoy the visits?

I could write a book on my battle with my mother and her giving money to “charity” - I’m know many were worthwhile causes but some were just nuts - the pig sanctuary for one - any many were upright bogus. Anyhooo -

By the time my mother passed away she had boxes and boxes of greeting cards, wrapping paper, little cheap blankets, dream catchers, note pads, Tibetan prayer flags - and much, much more. But over the three or so years that this was an issue - never, ever, did anyone show up to her apartment in person.

Id be pretty worried, if I were you. See if you can find a way to get your mom to set an appointment with this person - then make sure you’re there to have a little chat with them. Let them know you’ll involve the police if they don’t stop coming around.

My father would get little "gifts" (bribes, in reality) as tokens either of past donations or inducements for future donations.   Part of this practice is I think "guilting" the recipient into donating.   And the "gifts" typically are either branded or related to the charity's alleged purpose.                                       

No one has ever come in person to deliver "gifts."   The thought of that raises my alert sense to high; this is totally inappropriate IMHO.

Does the same person come each time?   Is any acknowledgment provided with the "gift"?    And does your mother give her donations to this individual, or does she mail them?  If she gives a check to the person, I'd contact her bank and ask who has endorsed the checks.    This sounds like a scam. 

I'm wondering though if your mother still receives requests through the mail, of documentation and acknowledgment of her donations and well as pleas for more donations.
 

As others have advised, I would call the charity ASAP and raise the issue; it wouldn't surprise me if they're unaware of this practice.  And if they haven't sanctioned it, the next call should be to the police, to alert them.  It may be that this scammer is scouting out houses to burglarize, or whatever.

Since your posted this in the Frauds & Scams section, I think you already are wondering the same thing.


I have a "NO SOLICITING" sign on my door, listing in part the kinds of solicitors who are unwelcome:   That includes salespeople for windows, construction, pizzas, religion, lawn service, magazines and more.  Two women once ignored that, brazenly pushing their cause.   

So I monitored them; they rested for a while in a car parked across the street.  I had an errand to run anyway, so I drove slowly past the car, jotted down the license plate number, then called the police on my cell phone and advised that there was a suspicious car that had been parked on the street for some time and asked that they check it out.

Any chance your mother is not reporting this correctly? In other words, are people REALLY coming by her apartment to drop off gifts or is her mind playing games with her, perhaps? At the quarterly care meeting I had today at mom's memory care, I mentioned how hard it is for me to sort through the bull and the $hit she tells me these days.

Just a thought.

This is very odd. I have come across a lot of scams, and I wonder if the caller has some way to get the little ‘gifts’ from the charity, its warehouse, employees etc. Then uses them to go and collect donations for the pocket. I think that’s more likely than checking out the house for burglary. Definitely check with the charity.

My mom likes to give to St Judes and I sent a small donation for her a few month ago. Since then she has been getting "gifts" from them every week. This does make me sort of angry,, these gifts and the postage are now more than I sent! I also sent a small amount to the Shriners.., so far no useless gifts from them! I know who we will donate to next year! But no person has ever shown up in person to get money.. this makes me nervous.. You say it is a well known charity.. give them a call

Pam, have you ever had the chance to do a background check on  St. Jude's?   I did, and it was quite interesting.   

I also find it interesting that there are now more charities advertising and soliciting participants for the $19/monthly plan.   If I had the time, I'd check to see if they all have the same Beltway Bandit fundraising company.  It's just TOO coincidental that they are all asking for a $19/month contribution.

Another one is a company enrolling them in a discount club where supposedly coupons for discounts can be used for future purchases if they order from their catalog. This was Blair Catalog several years back. They charged a certain amount per month on the credit card as a fee for this service. Watch out for that one too. They do it without consent. My mom had ordered a couple of blouses. Good thing she showed me the bill because it’s a recurring fee automatically added onto the credit card each month.

I had to call and cancel a discount club service that she had not ordered. I demanded a refund for the amount and threatened to contact BBB if I didn’t see the reimbursement. I got it. Looked up to see if they had complaints on them. There were tons of complaints. Guess who they scammed the most? Yep, the elderly. So sad. I suppose they are hoping it won’t be noticed on the credit card bill.

These scams are horrible.

The ‘gifts’ sound really strange. I wouldn’t trust that. That’s just too weird.

Yes, things sent in the mail such as calendars or return address labels after donating but not in person.

All these things are rackets. Ever notice if you sign up to win for something like winning a prize when attending a craft fair or the mall, then all of a sudden you get a ton of telephone solicitations. That’s why I don’t enter these ‘contest’ anymore.

But my friend entered a contest at Macy’s for a Mother’s Day prize to win a trip for four at Disney World and she won! She called it a miracle! She has two kids with autism and hadn’t been on a vacation in years. She’s a single mom. I was absolutely thrilled for her and her kids!

Many years ago I had an elderly neighbor woman open the door to anyone. She lived with her daughter and I told the daughter about it. Her daughter was at work all day. Once a guy asked if he could clean stains in the driveway. He rang my bell. I sent him away. He spoke to me through the door. He went next door to her house and yep, she flung open the door. It’s scary. I don’t trust people like that. He said he had chemicals in the backpack he was wearing and he would clean stains on the pavement. Who does that? That’s nuts! I kept thinking he could have a damn gun in his backpack.

It upset me when I looked out my window and saw my neighbor open her door and chat with him. She did send him away but there are odd people in this world.

It’s amazing to me what gets sold these days. I wonder if the elderly ever call any of those psychics that are advertised on television. My friend’s elderly mom went to see the Long Island Medium in person more than once. Those tickets aren’t cheap. She swears by that woman. She insists on seeing her every time she comes to town.

Katsmihur, I start with the entities that monitor the charities.  Charity Navigator is one; BBB is another.  But in a search last year or so I found information that there really are 2 entities operating under the St. Jude umbrella.   I can't locate the insightful data I found, through checking the charity monitors and online articles on the related organizations. 

Give me some time and I'll see if I can find my old research.   I found a few very good articles on allocation between the "sister" organizations.

Katsimihur, uh oh.  This does not sound good.  "Gift Planning Rep" sounds to me like another name for someone soliciting a Legacy donation.   And "visit to sign paperwork"?    Right in line with someone seeking a Legacy donation.    These people are after your mother's money.  

And a "regional office" that doesn't answer its phone or have voice mail?   Another bad sign.  

This makes my blood boil! 

I assume  you searched on the number to back trace it?  And got no hits?  

It might be time to file a complaint with the BBB as well as the charity monitor I mentioned.  If I can remember the names of the others, I'll post them for you.

The IRS has a list of fake charities, or those who aren't legitimate 501(c)(3)s, or who/which have been subject to disciplinary action.    Several hits are similar, but there are a few different ones to check out.   If this so-called charity is on the list, and is still soliciting, the IRS would probably like to know about it.

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=IRS+list+of+fake+charities&t=h_&ia=web

ETA:  so they acknowledged she gave them money but wouldn't tell you the details?   A good charity would not EVEN acknowledge that someone gave money.    Another red flag.  

What are your next plans?   

Diamond, I’d like to ‘balance’ Mom’s checkbook, too, but can’t just take it from her. 10/30 appt. with PCP, if she goes, and hoping for a diagnosis at that time.

I like the ideas of putting up a camera and also no solicitation. You might want to notify the police of a possible elder scam in the area. Sorry you’re going through this.

However she is getting these items, they are not gifts. These charities expect donations, every month and they will not leave her alone. Plus her info will most likely be given to other organizations. And it never ends. Find out who these charities are and call them. Tell them to leave your mother alone. And she is probably getting these "gifts" through the mail.

Mom won't allow installation of a camera? Or allow replacement of a light? Sometimes we just have to do what we know will help keep them safe. Take mom out for the day, lunch and movie and have that handy hubby of yours take care of the light and install a camera. Mom probably won't even notice.

Yes. I grew up with my grandparents. I remember seeing a small necklace as a little girl. When I asked her about it she said she had received from children's (I believe) charity she gave monthly to & showed me other items as well that she had gotten through the years. These were by mail, not in person because that is the only way she was in contact with them. Evidently this is STILL practiced as reflected in this article. https://www.jotform.com/help/479-Chapter-6-Giving-Back-to-Your-Donors-With-Thank-You-Gifts
HOWEVER legit they may/may not be, I would check out any people who personally come around bearing gifts. The best cons/scams/lies are based in truth. I want to ADD she had given, to thischarity over a period of years, felt much satisfaction & was pleased with her little "gifts"... she got a lot of pleasure out of this & her donation she chose to give helped others

Sixty years ago I recall my mother receiving "free gifts" from charities through the mail, hoping for a donation. The postman told her then that she had no obligation to donate to the charities or to return the gifts. Charities have changed in many ways since then and so have scams. However, door-to-door solicitations have pretty much stopped as many people will not open their doors to strangers.

My biggest concern is your mother (or anyone) opening the door to uninvited callers. We no longer live in a society where it is "safe" to trust that others are who they purport to be; there is no such thing anymore as a "safe neighborhood". They may operate under the guise of a charity, handyman, etc., but the real motive may be to "innocently" gather information about you, your family, your living circumstances, schedules, etc., in order to obtain data that could be used later to break into your home or for other nefarious purposes. It is risky for anyone, not just the elderly, to open the door to anyone they aren't familiar with. If the visitor has ill intent, opening the door makes their plan so much easier--and a locked screen door may not be enough to stop them. It is no longer unusual for crimes to be committed in broad daylight, and with the devices available nowadays, taser/stun guns, etc., many can effectively breach things like screens, glass, etc., and can disable you, rendering you helpless to protect yourself. Sadly, the drugs and meth plaguing our society are creating desperate and psychotic individuals who have mental disabilities, making it even more dangerous to have contact with those you don't know or haven't vetted. it may sound like I'm being overly cautious, but many others like myself no longer pass out candy to trick-or-treaters on Halloween because of this danger. It's doubly dangerous because it's no longer just little children participating in this ritual, and you have no idea who is under the costumes. This is also why many communities have begun sponsoring communal Halloween parties that the children and their parents can safely attend. "When in doubt, keep them out."

I haven't heard of reps stopping by; that is truly frightening and I would be checking out those charities by name. Many charities now mail cheap goods made "overseas" such as small blankets, ornaments, plastic bags and etc. I know one quite famous Southwestern animal charity, given to in large amounts by a friend, that uses "Golden Circle" certificates and other such junk, then threatening you that you are "in danger of falling out of the Golden Circle" (using not their words to avoid problems). I am afraid that Elders are very prone to enjoy the little gifts and the accolades that they are excellent people, and so on. The more one gives the more the little stuff keeps coming.
But a Rep at the door? That is truly frightening and not something I have heard of. Will be following this one.

I get them constantly. Even from charities I haven't donated to in years.. Calendars, tote bags, Christmas and greeting cards, dream catchers, return address labels, even tee shirts, gloves and blankets. I do not make donations in return unless I would have use for these things. Most I just gift to a charity , or to our local Senior Center. I do not view it as having any obligation on my part.

Yes! They do it all the time. My Mom got a tote from USO and a local charity for children. The charities have been doing it for a long time, and I don’t see them stopping anytime soon!

Probably the safest thing is to default to "no" when approached by these charities, marketing plans, etc. My father was good at this although he gave small amounts to a couple legitimate charities. After his death, one of them called and when I mentioned that he was deceased, I was asked if I wanted to "continue the tradition" to which I said there IS NO "tradition", I'm not interested, so good bye (and added that it's about time they became self-supporting).

It isn't just the "sketchy" charities that do this.
Elder family members had endowed scholarships at a college. They did this with full mind and intension. The college would invite them to annual donor luncheons and a representative would come by every year with a poinsettia at Christmas.
However, as they aged and finances changed, the visits seemed to be misconstrued by the older people, that in order to continue getting these visits they needed to donate more. I am not so sure that wasn't the undercurrent of these visits.
I called the college and said they were welcome to continue to invite them to the luncheon and to bring flowers, but they had to stop asking for more money.

I have scads of little notepads from St Judes and other charities my mother used to donate to. Her mail was forwarded here at the end of her life and I continued to receive such things for a long time after she died. Finally they have stopped coming in the mail. She had calculators, blankets, tote bags, calendars and all sorts of stuff like that.