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My mother has refused to go to a doctor for Many years. She is overweight, has severe tooth decay/loss, and is now having mobility problems which she refuses to acknowledge. Up until a week or so ago, she was still able to get around the grocery store with me. But she has had me running to the store over the last week to get food/supplies for her, because she claims to have a stomach bug. But I know the real problem is that she is having pain/mobility problems with her one leg. I have already talked with a social worker about some of these issues and was told that I would have to basically wait and help Mom with emergencies as they come up, but cannot force her to receive medical care. So frustrating to watch her decline in health and to be able to do nothing to help. She has never had the best mental health (depression, etc) and since she is not getting out of the house on a regular basis, this is declining also. Not getting much support from siblings, and if I try to mobilize any type of intervention/help, she will call my sisters and brother and pit them against me. Would love to hear from anyone in similar situation.

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There are so many components to your note....1) uncooperative parent 2) mental health issues 3) lack of sibling involvement, 4) serious health issues starting to surface, etc. and it reminds me of all the issues that have factored into my seven years of caregiving my elderly mother (5 years of which I also provided assistance with her elderly sister.) So I guess the first point is that there is no easy, one-size-fits-all answer to the challenges you're encountering with your mother. As mentioned above, it is typical for elderly people to experience depression when they have declining health, issues they're avoiding, and lifestyle changes are occurring (i.e., mobility, social, health issues, etc). Having encountered that myself, it is a tough, frustrating process to navigate, so I have a great deal of compassion for you. Undoubtedly, the depression you alluded to is at least a contributing factor to your mother's lack of interest in pursuing medical/dental care. Does your mother have a medical doctor at all? I was fortunate enough to be able to call my mother's doctor and explain the mental health issues I was encountering, and the doctor placed my mother on a low dosage medication at her next visit. This doesn't solve everything, but it does assist the loved one in feeling well enough to pursue the other care they need. Meanwhile, it's difficult to have to watch an adult we love make unhealthy decisions.There's another thread on this site that addresses similar issues you outlined in your posting that you might want to review https://www.agingcare.com/questions/elderly-parents-refuse-care-that-they-need-136194.htm. Since you are just beginning this process, I encourage you to gather as much information on caregiving boards and resources as you can to assist you in developing a plan. Our caregiving stints can be relatively short or consume years of our lives. I would never have imagined that I would still be doing this seven years later, and I would have done things a lot differently if I knew then what I know now. So I wish you success in finding the answers you need!
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I have a mother with VERY similar issues which I'm quite stymied by. Feel free to look up my previous posts and see the discussions. So far I'm in the position that until "something happens" I really can't make my mother do anything. I wish it weren't that way but she is clearly competent and recognizes the authority of no one - including doctors. I think the tough job for adult children like us is to decide where we draw the line - how bad does it have to be before say calling social services to evaluate them? And then somehow make peace with living with that line. I'm not quite there yet but working on it. Good luck to you.
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There is also VRE but I do not think is causes symptoms usually.
Vancomycin-resistant Enterococcus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vancomycin-resistant_Enterococcus
Vancomycin-resistant Enterococcus, or vancomycin-resistant enterococci (VRE), are bacterial strains of the genus Enterococcus that are resistant to the ...
History and biology of VRE - Mechanism of acquired ...
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Oh my...not a single response? Did I share too much? Feeling a little vulnerable here.
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It would help to know your mom's age. Is she widowed? Depression is a serious problem for anyone, but for someone who is elderly and in poor health, it may cause thoughts of suicide. While your mother may not consciously harbor thoughts like this, she may feel that there is no point in trying to prolong her life by going to a doctor and being treated for her poor health. You didn't mention whether she lives alone or whether you live with her?
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Is there any chance your mother could go to assisted living? It can be very isolating living alone in your home and that causes depression. Don't know the financial situation if this is even possible.

But, at least if she was in a facility with other people around, it might help. As far as the siblings not helping much - that is so common and unfortunate. If you try to help and she tries to turn them against you - there is nothing you can do about that. Just know, you are not alone.

Hugs to you and take care.
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Imm897 do you have any type of power of attorney? Does your mom have a advance directive? DNR? The reason I am asking..is because unless you have these powers there is really nothing you can do short of trying to convince her otherwise. I had Durable POA and was assigned that 10 years prior to her diagnoses of progressive dementia. This gave me right to make sound decisions for her care and financial needs. I'm sorry your mom is depressed. If you could convince her to go see a doctor that's the only way I see you getting anywhere with this. Unless she has an emergency and paramedics are called. Good luck and God bless.
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I feel for you and oh do I understand the personality. My Mom was the same way and refused to leave her home. When she had a heart attack I had to promise her I was taking her out for breakfast to get her to the doctor and that took hours. She ended up with open heart surgery the next morning. I also took her grocery shopping every saturday for over nine years and we spent 90 minutes in there, I considered it her workout. All you can do is take care of her by going over weekly or more than weekly. I used to pretend I was going by, or I was going shopping anyway. I couldnt let her think I came just for her, she wouldnt have it. She started burning things and her hygeine went down hill, it was so difficult as they are so stubborn! You are in a bind, they dont listen and wont until something happens, which it will eventually. My mom fell and broke her hip and came to my house to recover. By the time she was walking again, she thought my house was her house so I finally could care for her without driving to and from all the time. This was years ago , itts a long road. For some reason, you will probably take on most of , or all of, her care and your siblings will still be golden to her no matter what, it sucks, lol gotta laugh looking back now. I wonder if your Mom fell and didnt tell you with her leg hurting? Leg pain can be a bad sign if it doesnt go away so keep a close eye on her. I found that eventually when she was in a calm good mood, that I could talk to her. I explained to her that she could be put into a nursing home if she had an accident or illness and went to the hospital, thats the doctors choice. I told her if she didnt make out her health care proxy and dpoa to put someone in charge that we would have no say in the matter. That scared the heck out of her and she finally did before she was incompetent. I preferred it wasnt me but that the way it went and worked out for the best as she is still with me and still I have had no sibling help, I gave up on that a long time ago. If your Mom wont listen, so be it, you tried your best, good luck!!
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Has she been lab tested for C-Diff...it's a bacterial infection that causes chronic diarrhea and weakness. If they have done stool tests then I think they would have discovered the culprit. I don't think it's an age issue..but maybe it's a reaction to the medications she is currently on, or possibly a combination of medications. Sometimes talking to the pharmacist about the symptoms might be better than the doctors. The pharmacist will tell you the drug interactions with your mom. My sister who works in the pharmacy knows so much more about medications than any doctor would know. Doctors know diseases..and only prescribe. Anyhow, I sure hope you can get things figured out. It's so hard when you have to watch someone you love suffer. Good luck and God Bless.
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Sibling, perhaps some of her meds that have diarrhea as a side effect could be changed for other meds that don't have that side effect? Like how there are so many different classes of blood pressure medicine - if beta blockers give you brain fog you could try an ace inhibitor. I know sometimes only one med will do but with the ones that have alternative maybe there's room try something.
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