Mom will only eat restaurant food. What can I do?

Not eating and drinking at end of life means exactly that, what your mother is doing is more like an unhealthy obsession with takeout. It sounds as though she lives with you? I expect she has dementia otherwise I can see no earthly reason why you are even attempting to cater to her. Even so I don't think you need to give in to her obsessions, if she is losing weight it isn't really working any way.
BTW, why can't you freeze the leftovers for another day?

Is she just picky and demanding or is there something going on with her that has made her incapable of eating home cooked food?

The reason I ask is that my cousin got really picky in the beginning of her dementia and she lost a lot of weight. She wouldn't touch my roast, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, etc., but she would only eat certain things like a hot dog, french fries, chicken leg, popsicles, and little cakes. Even then she would only eat a bite or two. I never understood it. Later, she got her appetite back as her condition progressed, though.

Yes, freeze leftovers. What are her health issues? You didn't complete your profile with much info, so we are shooting in the dark without knowing more about her.

If she still has 30-40 pounds to lose to be underweight, I'd experiment a bit with not giving her everything she wants. If she has dementia, you're fighting a losing battle in the long run. How much weight has she lost in what timeframe? My mom is down to about 130 from her normal of 160 or so. She's 96 and her appetite has really declined. I don't live with her, but I've noticed that if I sit with her while she eats, she eats more. Because eating can be social. Maybe sit your mom at the table and put out your good homemade foods (that she used to like). If she skips a couple of meals, so be it, it won't kill her. Just keep her hydrated. If she gets hungry, she'll start eating. Again, if she has dementia, this isn't a good idea.

You could also see if her doc will prescribe an appetite stimulant. I tried to get that for my mom when she was down to 107 at one point and her doc refused. So I went over every day and made her a good breakfast and sat with her while she ate it. Once she started eating a bit more, her appetite came back and she didn't sleep as much. Now she's been 130ish for a couple of years and she's back to making her own breakfast and eating alone.

As for pizza ask the restaurant if they will provide it for you uncooked. That way you can split it and freeze it and each time you cook it it will taste like you just bought it. I know the UK will do that not sure about US though.

Maybe you can order from the childrens menu? If its a local pizza joint, maybe they can make a smaller pizza for you.

Buy some generic takeout bags and tell her it came from her favorite restaurant. Of course, you may have to learn some new recipes. Or split the store bought meal into smaller freezeable portions for things like ribs, chicken or even pizza.

What is your primary concern?
- That Mom isn't eating enough
- That there is too much wasted food
- That she can't afford the food she likes
- That you feel compelled to eat the leftovers

$189/month is about $6/day. If I could eat only restaurant food and average $6 a day I'd be thrilled. I probably spend that on restaurant food each month and have my regular grocery bill for homemade meals on top of that. I know hard-working men who spend $10 or more on fast food and other restaurant lunches every single work day, and often order pizza on the weekends. I'm not recommending this approach for health reasons, but it is common. It is not only people who aren't in their right minds who spend that much per month on restaurant food.

Of course, your Mom is not a construction worker burning up the calories! But you and her doctor do want to see her take in calories, and this is one way you can achieve that goal. Is the problem that she can't afford $6/day for food? What is her food budget?

As others have said, what about freezing the leftovers? Or just serving them in a couple of days? If cost is the issue, can Mom understand that? "Mom, we can't afford to buy another chicken dinner this week, but I'm saving half of this for you before you've even touched it and we'll re-heat it on Wednesday." I buy only full-size meals at restaurants (not the senior or child portions) so that I can get 2 or even 3 meals out of each. That is one way to stretch the dollar and avoid waste.

If Mom can afford the restaurant food, then I think the other concerns are within your control. Can't stand to see the waste? Prepare a nice plate for a neighbor. Or grit your teeth and throw it out, considering it a part of the cost of Mom's disease.

Remind yourself that you are not the garbage disposal and it is not your job to eat excessively just to see food used up.

I'd have a hard time throwing perfectly good food out, so I feel your discomfort. But I think I'd suck it up and keep buying Mom the food she thinks she likes, to the extent that she can afford it.

My mom is very much like yours, though she is in assisted living. She'll try and push 3/4 of her meal on me saying she doesn't like to waste food. It gets embarrassing when she insists I eat it in front of staff, sometimes quite loudly. I don't. No is a powerful word and I am an adult.

To folks that said to freeze leftovers. Gah! Leftover pizza! Not going there!

I'm in a unique situation (that yes I haven't used my NO! on) where my mom won't go down for evening meals. I've brought meals the caregivers can heat up in a minute since 2011. And I hear you OP. It's always been good homecooked stuff. She was really happy with that until about six months ago. Now everything I bring her is wrong. Pasta not good (constipating), rice she doesn't like, meat is not good, doesn't like fruit, soup is too hard, everything is Wrong or Bad. Geez.

Her mental decline is showing. At restaurants it is very difficult. She blames her arthritis in her hands for problems with eating, yet she still wants to go out to dine. She'll have maybe five bites.

I cut back to taking her out with my husband to once a week because I need to for my own sanity. I have lunch with her also on Wednesdays, call every single day and shop for her stuff and make meals for her about 5 hours more a week. Plus her laundry, paying bills, medical appointments, legal stuff, it never ends.

The food guilt, chuck it, unless it's a money concern. My neighbors would love the extra pizza while it's still fresh. My waistline wouldn't want it.

Windy, you're kidding about the pizza, right? Cold pizza is one of my favorite breakfasts! :)

Which goes to illustrate than when it comes to food preferences, one size does not fit all. And when you add in diminished taste buds, interference from drugs, and maybe dementia is it any wonder our parents are hard to please?

Jeanne,

The poster said to FREEZE delivered pizza. Who knows? Might be okay. Edible anyway.

Liverlips, one thing we need to remember that at 85 one's taste buds have almost disappear. It could be that your Mom remembered how good fast-food or restaurant food use to taste but she is now disappointed.... but she keeps trying.

I noticed she drinks a lot of soda in one day... that can dull her appetite as she is full of sweet tasting liquid. And at 85, is your Mom mobile, doing things around the house? If not, then she only needs a smaller meal [like kellse recommended above, order from the kid's menu].

My mum is 93 (like y'all didn't know that!!!) and she is anosmic now which means she can't smell the food so there is no increased appetite from the smell. Her taste buds are pretty shot too unless it is very salty or very sweet. If she had french fries she heaves salt and vinegar on them. She whacks sugar on the sweetest of strawberries, will stuff her face with cakes biscuits and sweets but turns her nose up and a proper meal. So for now it tends to meal soups - if nothing else it is nutritional but as for restaurant stuff I would definitely go with the flow and buy a whole chicken - if she doesn't eat it you can always do something with it for yourself later or perhaps make a pixie base and some tomato and cheese to the chicken with some peppers, pop it into an used pizza box (make sure to reline it first) and present her with it.

Oi. At 95 my beloved great aunt was still cheerfully tucking in to liver and bacon with onion gravy. Most people's senses do diminish, I agree, but let's not write off all hope for older people's enjoyment of their food.

But between the bland mush many ALF's serve up and the vile gloop, often at room temperature, that most high calorie boost drinks are like (I challenge you to drink one down without wanting to puke) I'm not surprised appetites vanish. I couldn't agree more than I do with Jeanne: as long as it's affordable serve your mother "a little of what she fancies." It's all about her enjoyment now, nothing else much matters.

Okay. I admit it. I would be tempted to try her on a cool mango lassi...

Loosing your sense of taste - truly one of the cruelest of old-ages bag of tricks.

I remember back when doing a grocery run for my parents [both in their 90's] and the vast majority of items on Mom's weekly list were Tastykake cupcakes, blueberry pie, chocolate cake, grocery bakery chocolate chip muffins, vanilla fudge ice cream, and cherry jello. They also went through a lot of jam for their toast.

Churchmouse, I agree about the boost drinks... it's like drinking plastic :P My Mom would only drink it if it was served in a big cup of ice.

well my mom are 1/2 of a grilled cheese sandwich then 4 apple pies from Mcdonalds yesterday. Pretty much the only thing she will finish is dessert lol

At the end of life does it really matter? Let the peasants or in this case the parents eat cake.
As far as the take out is concerned can you save what she does not want and freeze it? Also save the container it came in then when she requests same meal re present it. maybe she would'nt notice!!!!!!!!!!!! Ask other restaurants for a half portion explaining that it is for an elder who is no longer eating much.
As far as the soda drinks are concerned 24 oz is only 2 12oz cans and she has to drink something. My concern would be if they are caffeinated drinks which are not too good for the heart. Nothing can be done about the sugar if she won't drink anything else. It is probably not a good idea to substitute artificial sweeteners as they have their own dangers and she will probably notice the difference.
My FIL in his late eighties while frying up egg, sausage and fried bread remarked that he knew the risks but at his age he felt it really did not matter what he died from.

if she doesn't want to eat then let her go without. Buy her a case of ensure. Eventually she'll want to eat what you offer. There are consequences to her behavior.

Liverlips,
Just here to understand part of the dilemma, and to be kind to you.
In the midst of living the caregiving role, all knowledge and experience can fly out the window, along with our common sense. Even though the caregiver has answered questions for others, when this day comes it may be hard to box our own way out of a paper bag. That is because it is hapening to you, and in addition, you are faced also with the impending loss of your loved one. So there is support for you, and a reminder to take care of your own needs.
That is why I am in favor of the idea to freeze the food portions for yourself,
If that is what you want to eat, but less of it.

Hang in there! Check back anytime.

Thanks to all of your for your helpful suggestions. At this point, we are about two thousand dollars a year above poverty level. We'd be four thousand above if mom didn't eat $200 worth of restaurant food a month. I don't have the freezer capacity to hold all her leftovers. $6.00 a day seems like nothing for those of you who have a good job, aren't hampered by debt, and you have money in the bank. I didn't mention that, so I can't expect anyone to know my situation from the small amount of info I gave you -- so I apologize to you all. I was going through our monthly expenses and upcoming bills, and I was astonished by the calculations. Thanks for letting me vent.

Also -- she isn't eating food at $6.00 a day. She orders meals that on average cost anywhere from $11 to $22, several times a week.

Remember the good old days when fast food was affordable? Seems when I want a lazy evening and send hubby out for fast food we are spending close to $30. Of course it doesn't help that hubby eats like a horse and Rainman is a bottomless pit! I always wind up thinking "for a few more bucks we could be having a decent restaurant meal". I guess it's the price of convieance.

Rainmom, you reminded me of Raymond Blanc's heartfelt, puppy-dog-eyed plea to his television audience to stop buying convenience foods and takeouts and cook instead. "Eet take' sree minoot, ah promees!" he said, and demonstrated by rustling up a perfect omelette with beautifully dressed side salad in, indeed, three minutes, in real time, from scratch.

But then he is Raymond Blanc, and I am me, and I guarantee that if I do that it will take half an hour and leaves me with a kitchen to clear up. Still, it's true. If you want to eat both well and cheaply, you have to cook it yourself.

Here's a thought ... could you get the carry-out containers from a restaurant supplies place or even bought from a restaurant (they are generally the same kind of container from place to place ) .... prepare the meal and put it in the container. Especially for the "home-style" restaurants like Boston Market etc. And it really could be said to be from anywhere .... most restaurant have take-home menus and you could show her the menu and have her circle the things she likes ... she does not have to know it's your home cooked meal and it allows you a lot of latitude ... plus you can add a bit of commercial items now and then so she has that and yet it does not break your budget. I hope this may help.

Sweets are preferable because that seems to be the "taste" that hangs in there for the elderly. My mother was in & out of the hospital (before she finally went into hospice) and was given a high protein chocolate flavored pudding and sweet sorbet for dessert.

My MIL is very similar. Even cake, she'll eat if from the grocery store but not if homemade and I used to sell my cakes and do wedding and bday cakes!!! We still struggle with her eating, but a few tricks we've found. Save takeout containers and put her food in them so she thinks we bought it. Also use small portion containers. If she has a large portion, she won't touch it, but a small container, she may eat 2! (She's a lifelong anorexia sufferer as well) You mention a local BBQ place. This has been our saving grace with her. She will eat their Brunswick stew, so to save money we buy a gallon at a time and their smallest takeout cups and lids, divide it up and freeze these containers. It works beautifully and she can get one out and reheat everyday. It may also be that takeout food has more salt and sugar than most home cooked meals so with diminished taste buds, she's able to taste it better. I think it's worth trying to make some freezer space and try it. Plus when she gets used to things out of freezer being takeout, you can throw in your home cooked meals as well!

Another thought, would she qualify for meals on wheels? That would help with the budget since she may get them for free, but also be like take out since it's delivered!?!?

If her doctor isn't worried than I wouldn't be. The brain is no longer telling her she is thirsty or hungry. They aren't active so they don't need the calories. Soda's are not good. Since Mom has a problem with dehydration, I was told to limit her soda intake. One a day is OK. All u can do is offer her food all day long. Let her eat what she wants. And I agree. Freeze the take out. If she normally eats out of the containers they come in, serve it that way. Where u get her food would probably sell u extra containers. I agree $189 a month is not bad. We eat out a lot and I spend that much or more on Mom. You r using her income I hope. We don't because I'm keeping up her house with her SS and pension goes to personal needs and prescriptions.

Isn't that the truth, Churchmouse! It always looks so easy on those shows - all their ingredients pre measured into those little glass bowls, the perfect pan for every occassion. It just never works that way for me when I try it at home. Shoot - I can make a mess opening the refrigerator door, it seems.

We have another problem down South. We can't get a lot of the fancy ingredients. A lot of the things I've never even heard of. They might have them in some specialty store somewhere, but cooking isn't my thing. I'm not going to spend too much time looking for some mystery ingredient.