Mom is only drinking water? How much longer can she go on like this?

Have you talked about her lack of appetite with her doctor? If she can physically eat and drink but doesn't because she has no appetite then you may be able to supplement her diet with high calorie drinks like boost or ensure. My own mom has had no desire to eat for several years, she says she feels full, but when finger foods are placed in front of her she will usually finish everything. I have also had to spoon feed her main meals because she would never finish on her own, and she seldom refuses to open her mouth to eat. That said, I would never force her to eat if she adamantly refused, pushed the food away, or if it caused nausea or stomach upset.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm also sorry to say, this does sound to me that she is telling you that she is nearing the end of life. My mother also had dementia, her's was due to Parkinson's disease. I don't know if it differs from state to state from when you can put them into hospice, but I was able to put my mother into hospice care when she entered a certain level of dementia, where he doctor thought that she was in the latter phases. She stopped being able to walk one day and she basically really lost it mentally. They took her right into hospice and explained to me that there was hospice for dementia patients, it didn't necessarily mean that she was going to die within weeks or even months. However, she did continue to decline. Just three months later, I had moved her from her memory care facility to a nursing home due to financial reasons and after three weeks, she stopped eating and drinking. Because she was already on hospice, we received the support at the nursing home. The week before she stopped, she would only eat soft food, and then she would only drink and then she refused to swallow. I brought in her all time favorite food, coffee yogurt, thinking it would be no problem, and she just let it fall out of her mouth. I knew then. I told her it was alright and just held her, it was one of the most painful, yet in a way most poignant moments of my life. It took her a week to pass away and it was the hardest week. My parents are divorced and I have a brother, who was basically not involved in her care at all. He flew up for 2 days, but left before she died. My husband was my rock. My heart goes out to you and I would call her doctor and see if he/she can contact another hospice, because this doesn't seem right and your mother needs to be made comfortable and you need support.

I'm sorry to hear this, Huddlo. Please look after yourself, too. Update us when you can, and come and unload here if it would help.

God bless, huddlo

You are a treasure to your mom and you're in our thoughts and prayers

Dear huddle,

I'm so sorry to hear what is happening to your mom. You have a right to be concerned. Please take her to the doctor. And possibly review her care and see if she needs hospice as Jeanne has suggested. Try to access as many community supports as necessary during this difficult time. Its not easy to see our beloved parents get to this stage.

My dad also stopped eating and drinking. I took him to the hospital. He was diagnosed with heart failure. I wish I had known this sooner. I did not realize he was dying. Otherwise I would have tried harder to make him more comfortable at home. But I didn't know how. I should have tried to access hospice care.

Thinking of you. Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

This is so very sad.

Are you considering hospice care for your mother?

Huddlo, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

You seem very well up on what has been happening with your mother, so I'm sure you'll understand that all aspects of brain function, including appetite, are vulnerable to the vascular dementia.

You could try the ensure/boost, well-chilled, and see if your mother cares for it. My mother enjoyed Actimel, too, which is drinking yoghurt more or less. Your mother is swallowing all right, is she, without difficulty? As long as there is nothing wrong mechanically, offer her favourite treats. Forget balanced diet - whatever she fancies enough to try is all that matters.

I do understand that for you this is both heartbreaking in itself, and a painful reminder of your father's last months. I think the only thing you can do is look at this through your mother's eyes; and if she is content - comfortable, not in pain, not frightened, wanting for nothing - then so must you be.

It is very hard, I know.

Malnutrition is usually a diagnosis that will qualify for hospice so don't give up on that. If the weight gain is legit it is probably from retaining water so it can't be relied on. If possible keep a record of her weight. You can do it every day if it is easy but otherwise every few days is fine, or not at all if it is distressing.
If she wants water give it to her otherwise keep her mouth moist with swabs.
This is the hardest time as you watch a loved one in the final stages of life.
Just keep loving her and offer comfort. Tell her you understand how tired she is and reassure her the family will all be OK when she passes. Blessings

My mom is on mirtazapine, an antidepressant that is also sometimes used as an appetite stimulant, so that may be part of the reason she continues to eat. I think for you it is easier in a way as she seems to have made it clear she just isn't interested in eating, whereas for us mom says no but will eat as long as I encourage her. I've read several threads about how long someone can last on very little food or just fluids and the answer seems to be quite a while, but it all depends on many different health factors. I'm glad you are able to bring in hospice for guidance.

Update - my mom was admitted to hospice care today. She hasn't eaten in three days or had much to drink in two. She is now on comfort care only. She sleeps almost all of the time now as well. So it looks like she is nearing the end of her dementia journey.