I finally had to look my mother-in-law in the eyes and tell her that she could NEVER go home again. It was awful, but the rest of the family was kinda pussy footing around the question. She was always talking about 'going home' again. She isn't in a nursing home, but she is in asst. living. We had a couple really bad days there after I told her. I had to call her oldest son and have him 'talk her off the edge' so to speak because she was so mad at me. Now we're the best of friends, as I'm the one that makes sure she doesn't stay cooped up where she's at. Be prepared for the fallout, but tell her. She needs to know the truth. Sorry, wish I had a magic wand I could send you that will make your mom automatically fine with the news. ♥
HI Nancy H. Thank you. I would like to get her in my car and just take her for a day at the mall. My daughter is having her baby shower soon and I'm skepticle of the TLC that she will be demanding. I become stressed when I have company and have to be her caregiver. She has bathroom issues and I would be in the bathroom with her the majority of the time. Since she has been cared for at the NH, I am not confident with the individual care she will accept from me. This baby shower is at 6 in the evening. I'm not sure of how she will react to her being out of her routine. Equinox
Equinox, "breaking" her out would be a great act of kindness on your part. Acknowleging it would be a lot of work, and that she may require a lot of attention, maybe your daughter's shower is not the best place to start. Any outing will be a gift to her. Do not make it too stressful for you, so that you can keep your composure.
You did the right thing by putting her in a home and not lying to her. Maybe you, your husband, your daughter, can provide her an occasional break from the NH, pack a picnic, take her to a shady park, visit the mall. Try a short outing, make sure she is having a good day and understands it is an outing, not a return home.
She may conclude that beign taken care of at the home and still "having a life", is a winning combination.
Many years ago, while my parents were both still well, I decided I would gift them outings or fun stuff only. No more shirts or slippers. I could buy a special culinary treat and make a day of preparing it, or take them to a restaurant they would not normally attend, like sushi or Indian food. I even had a few vacations with them. The older they got the more work these outings became and I remember being VERY tired after weekend getaways. I did not spend all my time with them, but they were always happy when I did. Mom is now widowed with some physical issues, but clear minded, Although she is not as enthuthiastic a character as my dad was, I try to take her out somewhere special at least once a month ( live theater, movies, dinner, visit her friends).
The happiness you share will be multiplied 100 fold.
Thank you for you suggestions. One day when I can get three strong minded willing adults to do that. it would be very nice to do that. I am sure she would enjoy it. I can't imagine me doing it single handedly. Equinox
Don't know if this will help, but my mom who has Alz is in memory care. She asks all the time when she can go home...I tell her in 4-6 weeks. She says how long have I been here, I say 1 week. So far it works.
When anybody asks memo howling she has been at the NH. She's says 2years. it's only been 14 months. This transition for my mom has had its up and downs. it took my mom three months to snap out of her depression and mood attitude. I had to ask our spiritual leader to come and speak to her. It was helpfull. because shortly after that my mom was feeling very perky. And at this time as of today she still says she wants to go home. I am realizing only if it's with some nice lady in her own place and taking care of her 24/7. I really thinks she doesn't want to be shared responsibility with another person. One on be all the way. Mom had me since 2003-20012 with. TLC and my only focus. But sometimes she forgets realized that I have a husband and a house to clean bills to pay . Etc. I know she's is in good hands at this nursing home. I am leaving town for like only 10 days and already she is moody and sad and depressed. I try not to talk to her about it often cause it gets her sad. Equinox Equinox
Thank you.
I would like to get her in my car and just take her for a day at the mall. My daughter is having her baby shower soon and I'm skepticle of the TLC that she will be demanding. I become stressed when I have company and have to be her caregiver. She has bathroom issues and I would be in the bathroom with her the majority of the time. Since she has been cared for at the NH, I am not confident with the individual care she will accept from me. This baby shower is at 6 in the evening. I'm not sure of how she will react to her being out of her routine.
Equinox
You did the right thing by putting her in a home and not lying to her. Maybe you, your husband, your daughter, can provide her an occasional break from the NH, pack a picnic, take her to a shady park, visit the mall. Try a short outing, make sure she is having a good day and understands it is an outing, not a return home.
She may conclude that beign taken care of at the home and still "having a life", is a winning combination.
Many years ago, while my parents were both still well, I decided I would gift them outings or fun stuff only. No more shirts or slippers. I could buy a special culinary treat and make a day of preparing it, or take them to a restaurant they would not normally attend, like sushi or Indian food. I even had a few vacations with them. The older they got the more work these outings became and I remember being VERY tired after weekend getaways. I did not spend all my time with them, but they were always happy when I did. Mom is now widowed with some physical issues, but clear minded, Although she is not as enthuthiastic a character as my dad was, I try to take her out somewhere special at least once a month ( live theater, movies, dinner, visit her friends).
The happiness you share will be multiplied 100 fold.
Take Care,
L
Equinox
it took my mom three months to snap out of her depression and mood attitude. I had to ask our spiritual leader to come and speak to her. It was helpfull. because shortly after that my mom was feeling very perky. And at this time as of today she still says she wants to go home. I am realizing only if it's with some nice lady in her own place and taking care of her 24/7. I really thinks she doesn't want to be shared responsibility with another person. One on be all the way. Mom had me since 2003-20012 with. TLC and my only focus. But sometimes she forgets realized that I have a husband and a house to clean bills to pay . Etc.
I know she's is in good hands at this nursing home. I am leaving town for like only 10 days and already she is moody and sad and depressed. I try not to talk to her about it often cause it gets her sad.
Equinox
Equinox
Thanks
Equinox