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We can all be in a conversation about fun stuff, and then the phone rings and voila, she talks right in front of us instead of stepping away taking away our conversation. I do not know how to tell her that is inappropriate. My husband will do that too, but he complains, therefore, here I am again a mediator! Urgh! I'm throwing my hands up! Rude!

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When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Jenny Joseph

A great poem. To me it says, when I am old I will do what I want after a lifetime of doing what I must. Is it right? Who knows. But I kinda think so. I would also add--when I am old:

I will back out of my driveway without turning around-so get out of my way
I will swear at teenagers
I will braid my hair like a little girl
I will eat with my fingers
I will ask the priest to repeat something I did not understand during mass
I will point , a lot
I will touch your knee when I talk to you so you cannot leave
I will tell young men they need to open the door for me
I will tell young ladies they need to help me load my car
I will tell my neighbors to watch out for me
I will have many cats
And I will talk loud on the phone in from of my family

Yes, old people can be rude but after a lifetime of niceness I say go for it.
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I'd say don't sweat the small stuff.

If she doesn't step away, why don't the rest of you?
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I saw the poem about being rude when you are old after a lifetime of niceness, is okay. How about people who are rude all their life? That's my Mom. I understand when you are older, you are less patient, your body hurts. I get that. I suffer from migraines -- and going out when I have one is awful. But rudeness? NEVER excusable!

My mom and her friends got rid of the red/purple hats because they found they were treated differently (i.e. old) when they had luncheons.
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I will tell you and everyone else why, no matter your age, you should respect those around you, and it is yes that simple. How could one not know that? Yeh, we stepped away disgusted and disappointed. I'd never take a call in front of others and just jabber on right when we were all having a convo, I'd, 1) not take the call; or 2) take the call and walk away, common courtesy. I'm amazed still.
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Invest in a cell phone so you can excuse yourself and walk away. There are some inexpensive and simple "senior friendly" ones that don't have the bells and whistles. You'll be able to have a moment of peace and then have the freedom to return to your mother.

And folks, let's not be too quick to judge frustrated3. We don't know the full story.
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We do step away on occasion, only to be completely frustrated. I don't even see how she cannot see the rudeness of that. Being old doesn't give anyone the right to be rude or grumpy. I've met plenty of older folks who are not the least bit rude.
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Dear MishkaM, You may be doing all this but you won't be doing it in my house.
My MIL has this attitude and my grandmother didn't. Guess who was more welcome everywhere she went? Not the lady in the red hat. Growing old doesn't give anyone the right to be a brat. Our parents wouldn't stand for that behavior when we were young.
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Frustrated3- You do not mention if she has dementia. Just get her aside if she is competent and ask her not to interrupt your conversations. Tell her you consider it rude to do so and you would like it to stop. She will not stop until you ask her to stop, unless of course if she has dementia.
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Was mom talking on a landline? Could you move the phone and or her chair so she would have to take the call in another room during family time? If she was on her cell phone why don't you say "Hey mom, we have a new rule in the house. When we are having family time or conversations, nobody can be on the phone unless its an emergency." A lot of people I know have this rule, including me, and it works great.
frustrated3, you really should tell her what she's doing is rude and it bothers you. It can be said in a non confrontational tone. It's not fair to you for her to continue to get on your last nerve and its not fair to mom not to be honest with her. She may not know you are upset or if shes doing this on purpose, it needs to addressed. Problems don't go away with just wishing. I'd sure want to know if I was annoying the family. I had to tell my mom several times to stop doing things. Sometimes she didn't know she was upsetting us. Other times she did it on purpose and we got it out in the open so she knew we weren't going to tolerate it. I can't say she always liked it but we found some of kind of solution. It was the fair thing to do for all of us.
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Frustrated3, I hope the day never comes for you when your head will implode if you don't say simply, "Mom. You're being rude. You need to stop now." After years of hoping, pointing out gently and still being tortured by my MIL's rudeness, I just walk out of the room, even if we are at the table eating because the alternative is to have a stroke after 17 years of putting up with her rudeness.
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