I wrote here summertime when mom moved into my house after my sister kicked her out. We fought everyday and she would call me names (5 months) I have kids and a husband and they witnessed this.
One day, family came over packed her stuff and moved her to live with her sister. No contact since, until last week and today. She wants to visit for the holidays. She kept saying “I’m your mother “ (she sounded intoxicated) But I can’t see her, she triggers me. Since she moved out I’m in therapy and have been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety (and feel like my work has been unraveled). I know she’s my elderly mother that I was suppose to care for, but I can’t handle her. I’m happier when I don’t hear from her.
She is toxic, let her go...for your and your families sake. There is no written law that you should take care of your mother, that is a choice, based on many factors, abuse to a child or caretaker does not entitle another to be cared for.
Be honest, tell her the truth, move on.
When she moved in , I felt like a kid again and the responsibility of taking care of her and kids also overwhelmed me. Yes I suffered so much in her hands as a baby, child, teen. I tried and was so much happier without her contacting me. The minute I see her name on my phone my heart drops and I want to hide.
Mean abusive parents do NOT get to decide who gets to do what for them. Your sister walked away, and so should you.
You deserve a better life than what it would be if your mother is in it.
I wish you peace and comfort for the coming holidays.
Happy Holidays to you as well
at one point mom and I got along great but when she moved in my house it was hell. I even looked to move out. of course her family thinks I’m a selfish mean daughter leaving her dear mother homeless.
We have other plans for the holidays this year.
We'll be out of town.
She likes to say "I'm your mother" but conveniently forgets that mothers don't call their daughters ugly names. Nor do they cause them to suffer PTSD or require a doctors care or have their work unravel.
Remember that you are dealing with a manipulative person whose probably been kicked out of her sisters home and is now in need of new living accommodations. And using a visit for the holidays as her way to weasel herself back in the door.
Uunfortunately, that just doesn't work for me.
We have other plans for the holidays this year.
We'll be out of town.
But she again even after I told her that. She calls me like 5 times straight leaves texts, then calls husband 5 times... Ughhh I want peace.
I am your mother, yep and the sunrises in the east and I can't help or change that either.
Stick to your guns and don't let her ruin your holidays.
I would block her number if I had to.
Sending you hugs with strength to say, NO, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
Im thinking of blocking her. I’m tired of feeling sad, scared and frustrated. She doesn’t take No. you would think at an older age she would be different. Plus the fact she sounded intoxicated made me angry.
I am so glad that you are in therapy and getting the help you need.
Probably she would want to stay longer than the holidays and of course there would be drama all the way through.
So stay strong. You are doing the right thing.
Look at this as a little test to strengthen your resolve. I’m so sorry it’s this tough. Focus on your family. Hugs
It’s hard because then you feel guilt. She gives me the worst kinds of feelings. Before all this we got along great and I thought no problem she can live with us and I will take care of her. But then I felt a dark shadow overcome me from the past. I’m not even sure if I make any sense. She always asked “where you going, hurry up come back, your dog wants to go out etc”.
I felt like a child in my house that I worked to buy.