Mom's going to a locked facility today in Iowa, I am in Denver. What is it like the first week? Should we call and visit or not?

N1K2R3 my Mother never wandered in the daytime. She only did it at night! We could not keep her in the house after dark - sleep and safety is a concern for all of us including her. Sometimes you just cannot keep your loved ones at home. She also fired everyone we hired to stay with her. Locked facility sounds much more harsh that it really is and is very much for your loved ones as well as your own safety.

Good Question. I work in Recreation in alert/locked facility. TALK to the professionals at the facility. Ask their advice. Some residents get confused with too many visits, others need the time to adjust. It's like the first day of Kindergarten. Be prepared for all types of emotions from your Mom and you. It is really an individual call.

I was an RN in a locked facility for dementia. From my experience the first week was the toughest on the family. This was because when they would come to visit their loved one would start acting out, crying, asking to go home - all of those behaviors that break our hearts. What would happen is the family members would be a wreck by the time their visit was over. Usually after about 5 or 10 minutes after the visit the patient would be fine and on to the next activity but the poor family members would think that this was how they always were which was usually not the case. I would make a few short calls the first week and then have a set time for visits on a weekly basis. My heart goes out to you,

Every case is unique so it is not easy to give a general answer. However, one thing the family can do is to try to put yourself in his/her shoe. How do you feel if you cannot get in and out at your own will from the facility/where you live? Of course you feel trapped. Undeniable. At the beginning of a move into the facility he/she might be confused to realize that fact, but even though he/she might be dementia like my mom is, she eventually feels that way. I tried to lessen that feeling as much as I could by being with her for a couple of weeks during the move/after the move, visiting frequently, taking her outside the facility (peripheries around the facility) for a walk to give her a transitional period so that she did not feel that she was trapped suddenly. She did come to realize the reality of losing her freedom of travel outside the facility, and complained, but I do believe that at least the psychological impact of this move was lessened. I also talked to the staff at the facility and requested that they take her out for a walk or for cultural/social activities held inside the facility (outside the locked area) among the "normal" patients as often as possible.

N1K2R3 - Please don't disrespect the choice this family is making for their loved one. It's not an easy one to make and never done lightly. We can't all keep the people we love at home and are all trying our best to do what's right.
Slyonspt - Bless you and your parents as you move down this road. Never let someone else determine what's right for your situation.

Waiting a week might be ok, but you don't want her to think she is abandoned. Frequent, short visits might help. Making sure she has familiar, comfortable things with her might also help.

My mom became too much for me to handle. She kept falling a lot, and I'm disabled and couldn't lift her.

We moved her to a "locked nursing home unit" for people with dementia and she enjoyed the new people, and was very comfortable for the first few weeks. She then began to think she was in a hospital, forgetting where she was. Then she became agitated more. I kept asking her if they are taking good care of her. She always said, "oh yes, they are wonderful here." I always followed with "good, I'm so glad they are taking good care of you." Then we would move on to another topic. Sometimes other residents would jump in and say to her, "hey just think, we don't have to make meals, do laundry..... We are lucky!" I would thank them and she became more comfortable as we all got to know the other residents and she became a "part of the group." I feel she is getting much better care than I was able to provide.

BTW - she never got to a stage where she was a wanderer. There are so many different types of dementia. She now can't walk, and barely talks, but is comfortable.

It takes time, but you are doing what is right for you and your mom.

A "locked facility"? Did she commit a crime? Can she not be watched at home or in a regular Assited Living Facility ( with 24 hour surveillance)? Of course demented people may wander. That's part of the syndrome. Watch her and keep her safe AT HOME.

Yes, locked sounds harsh, but generally it's just that the entrances to the unit are locked and key coded so that people don't wander off unsupervised. My Dad is in such a place and although he is not a wanderer, it really is a relief to the families to know their senior is safe.

StaceyLee- I find here on this site and in my own surroundings that every family situation is different. You sound like you have good family support; so important where many of us do not have that. If you think ur Dad is in danger of hurting himself or others, than you might want to start investing places around you. But it sounds like he is still able to walk and care for himself? Not sure. You can always have your local social services/human services department come over and make an evaluation. That's what they are there for. Good luck!

-SS

A really well-done "locked" facility doesn't necessarily FEEL like a locked facility from the inside. If they have lots of outdoor space and are laid out right it is just that there are some random doors at the end of hallways that don't open. If it's just night wandering there ARE high-tech options (webcam, door alarm), but at that point, I question how safe the person is during the day too. Also,unless you live literally next door, if there is an alarm that goes off, can you be there in time to help?
I think at a point there is a risk/freedom/cost matrix that every family has to deal with. NOTHING can guarantee that your loved one won't get hurt (folks fall in locked facilities with supposed 24 hr supervision all the time).

Just my two cent's worth -- if your loved one is wandering out of the house at night & firing the caregivers they are likely not able to make rational judgement (though they may be socially adept -- seen this one first hand) & it may be time to "be the parent" -- night person or facility & "no choice" or "let's talk about it later" NOT options. If you don't already have DPOA get it.