My mother has taken the tiniest slight and exaggerated it to others to imply that I am abusive. She has taken the slightest raised voice and claimed that I am always yelling at her. She has even accused me of trying to kill her.
But, my mother has always been attention seeking, manipulative and narcissistic.
Yes, people with dementia are capable of lying. I have found that this has lessened as my mother's dementia has progressed. Maybe the capacity for lying is limited to mild dementia.
Don't just start thinking meds are the answer either-check out the caregiver-it takes a really patient person and his temperament doesn't sound like this may be his line of work. Check into it, your Mothet should be comfortable in her own home without fear of abuse. Also, don't confront her in their presence, if their is an issue she won't tell you if she is afraid of them.
Pinckney This question disturbs me. People with EARLY dementia usually have a normal, but occasional forgetfulness, but they know reality from unreality. Please, whatever you do, do NOT ignore your mom's situation. I agree with the other responses. Get a security camera or recorder. Just WHAT is happening! Is it verbal, physical abuse; is the caregiver stealing---what! Your mother is reaching out to you. And, not to put more of a burden on your shoulders, please be aware that sometimes caregivers are not honest. Three of my friends that had, yes had, caregivers last month were all ripped off. One took beautiful vases from Japan, one caregiver took jewelry and the other helped herself to Hummel figurines. One, so far, has been caught by detectives selling jewelry to a pawn shop. Only 1/3 of the jewelry has been returned. PLEASE get to know whoever comes into your home to watch a loved one. Bonded by professional caregiving agencies sounds so secure, but bonded is a joke! Unless you are Jack-the Ripper, most people can be bonded without a blink. Please, listen to your mother, believe her, help her. I have never found a person with mild dementia to tell lies or make up stories, less it was a former character flaw. And her being your mother, you would know that. Good luck.
i agree with using camera's or sound stuff then you got 100% proof & will help to help your mom if she is getting worse ,..it may not be so early dementia anymore .. you should ask her doc to get on namzaric if she is not on it my mom was on it but from feb 2nd till yesterday she was not on it ..i just got her on it again ..it really helps so try to get her on it .if she can be .she had it since ,well hard to truly to say but 2011 .that is when we was told she had it ..so good luck later
My dad has dementia and he comes up with unbelievable stories about money. He said he gave 1000 pounds to my brother in cash when he was actually in another place completely. I don't believe anything g he says anymore
The caretaker is the OP's brother. The OP says that the brother has convinced their sister that mother's tales about brother losing his temper are unreliable because of mother's dementia.
M'mmmm. Could be the brother needs a bit of support?
Furthermore, you can, and many people do, get surveillance equipment. No longer expensive or difficult to use. Something along the lines of a baby monitor--but smaller, that makes recordings.
I have even heard you can use a tablet to do this. Google it or ask around. Radio Shack? A friend of mine successfully captured her teenage daughter taking all kinds of food from the kitchen. Just using a tablet.
If you hear or do not hear these offenses for yourself, the question will be answered.
Dementia involves damage to the brain. Depending on the nature and location of the damage, many disturbing behaviors can be caused.
The person with dementia often realizes that something is wrong, but not necessarily what. This is upsetting and frightening. The person may come up with strange explanations for these feelings, such as someone is gossiping about her or has hit her or won't let her eat or ... well all kinds of things that are not objectively "true." These are not lies in the sense that the person with dementia is deliberately saying something they know to be untrue or deliberately trying to make trouble. It may just be a way of coping with intense feelings that don't make sense.
Hallucinations and delusions are other behaviors that may be present.
Any accusations against a caregiver (or anyone else) needs to be taken seriously and checked out. Abuse does occur. But keep in mind that the word of someone with dementia is very often not reliable. Look for other evidence.
It's hard to say without knowing more. What is your mom saying that the caregiver is saying to her? Is it just things she's saying, or is mom saying things are happening (you allude to both in your question.)
Is this a new caregiver for your mom or someone who has worked with her for some time? Do you or your brother know the caregiver? Was she checked out before she started? Is mom alone with her all of the time, or are you and your brother around her some as well?
But, my mother has always been attention seeking, manipulative and narcissistic.
Yes, people with dementia are capable of lying. I have found that this has lessened as my mother's dementia has progressed. Maybe the capacity for lying is limited to mild dementia.
This question disturbs me. People with EARLY dementia usually have a normal, but occasional forgetfulness, but they know reality from unreality. Please, whatever you do, do NOT ignore your mom's situation. I agree with the other responses. Get a security camera or recorder. Just WHAT is happening! Is it verbal, physical abuse; is the caregiver stealing---what! Your mother is reaching out to you. And, not to put more of a burden on your shoulders, please be aware that sometimes caregivers are not honest. Three of my friends that had, yes had, caregivers last month were all ripped off. One took beautiful vases from Japan, one caregiver took jewelry and the other helped herself to Hummel figurines. One, so far, has been caught by detectives selling jewelry to a pawn shop. Only 1/3 of the jewelry has been returned. PLEASE get to know whoever comes into your home to watch a loved one. Bonded by professional caregiving agencies sounds so secure, but bonded is a joke! Unless you are Jack-the Ripper, most people can be bonded without a blink. Please, listen to your mother, believe her, help her. I have never found a person with mild dementia to tell lies or make up stories, less it was a former character flaw. And her being your mother, you would know that. Good luck.
M'mmmm. Could be the brother needs a bit of support?
Furthermore, you can, and many people do, get surveillance equipment. No longer expensive or difficult to use. Something along the lines of a baby monitor--but smaller, that makes recordings.
I have even heard you can use a tablet to do this. Google it or ask around. Radio Shack? A friend of mine successfully captured her teenage daughter taking all kinds of food from the kitchen. Just using a tablet.
If you hear or do not hear these offenses for yourself, the question will be answered.
The person with dementia often realizes that something is wrong, but not necessarily what. This is upsetting and frightening. The person may come up with strange explanations for these feelings, such as someone is gossiping about her or has hit her or won't let her eat or ... well all kinds of things that are not objectively "true." These are not lies in the sense that the person with dementia is deliberately saying something they know to be untrue or deliberately trying to make trouble. It may just be a way of coping with intense feelings that don't make sense.
Hallucinations and delusions are other behaviors that may be present.
Any accusations against a caregiver (or anyone else) needs to be taken seriously and checked out. Abuse does occur. But keep in mind that the word of someone with dementia is very often not reliable. Look for other evidence.
Is this a new caregiver for your mom or someone who has worked with her for some time? Do you or your brother know the caregiver? Was she checked out before she started? Is mom alone with her all of the time, or are you and your brother around her some as well?