Mom lives in a Senior Facility and gets short term memory care. Every time I visit, she asks why she's there, not at home. What can I say?

Dear careaboutmyMOM- The truth hurts your mother, so you will have to lie to her.

When she asks to go home, you could make up some excuse that the house is not inhabitable so she can't go home for the time being. Tell her that the roof got blown off in the last storm and is being replaced. It'll take a month to finish. Or, the water company is replacing the main line and turn off all the water. It'll take weeks to get done. She can go when the house is ready.

The same goes for when she asks about her husband, don't say he's at home. Tell her he's some place else that isn't convenient to go visit. Maybe he's at the hospital having his hearing fixed, or having eye surgery, or he has some contagious skin condition, or he's off deep sea fishing in the middle of the Atlantic (if she can believe it), etc. So, he's not available for weeks or months.

The idea is to stall her and pacify her for a while. You might as well have some fun making up stories. So, be creative.

It’s very sad. I wish it wasn’t. I’m sorry that you are struggling with this. Take comfort that you are doing your very best under the circumstances.

Wishing you all the best...

How about "the doctor says you must stay here until you are stronger"; " I'll have to discuss that with the care team, its their call"?

My mother is almost 94, moderate dementia, incontinent, wheelchair bound, with more issues than Newsweek. Suddenly, after being in Assisted Living since 2014, she wants to know what she's doing in Memory Care with all "these stupid morons"? She thinks she should be living with me, which is unrealistic and out of the question. I am incapable and unqualified to give her the 24/7 care she requires, same as your father is unqualified and incapable of providing your mother that kind of care. That's the truth and that's why your mother and my mother are living in a place where they DO get the care they need. This is what I tell my mother when she brings the subject up all the time. Sorry mom, it's impossible to even fit your wheelchair into one of my bathrooms, let alone have me get you in and out of bed and the shower. You are in a good safe place where all the staff love you.

We call and visit and bring her snacks and treats new clothes and all the toiletries she needs.

I don't want to live to be in my 90s and have dementia, nor do I want my children to go thru what you and I are going thru. There's no perfect answer for people living too long with brain disorders. This is the best possible scenario.