My 83 yr mom lives by herself at home, falls down and calls 911 to lift her up. If she calls 911 too many times what happens then?
I'm not sure which topic to put this under?
Recently my mom (83) fell down twice in one weekend - 1st time she sprained her ankle and neighbors in her trailer park helped her -
the 2nd time she called 911 because it was 3 am on her way to the bathroom. She is able to walk with a cane on her sprained ankle.
If she falls she knows to go to the steps so her feet are below her so she can lift herself up by the stair railing. She was able to lift herself up the 1st time but the 2nd time she was too tired trying and called 911. She just had them lift her up back into her lazyboy-she is very overweight and cannot lift herself up from the floor because she has knee problems.
She refuses to come live w. us. She is an hours drive for me each way and I am taking care of my husband that has pancreatic cancer.
I can only make it over to check on her grocery situation, get groceries if she needs them and do cleaning once a week.
I have setup the guest bedroom and also a 38' RV w. slideout , lake view for her to have her own space w. parking for her car as she still drives.
My question is if she calls 911 from her home too many times what happens then?
Also if she ends up in the hospital with a broken hip, and wants to go home with no one at her home there - what will they do?
As I said she refuses to come live with me even though I have done everything I can to be accommodating. She is very stubborn and wants her own space and refuses to move.
16 Answers
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I should leave 911 to advise your mother of what happens if they feel she is misusing the service. They will, soon enough, if she really is.
And I should un-set up the guest bedroom and RV pronto pronto, if I were you.
If God forbid your mother winds up with a broken hip and cannot be discharged home, the hospital or rehab facility will be obliged to help her make an alternative plan - as long as you butt out. As long as you're not there, that is, to be leaned on.
And that will be better for her than her coming to your home, which she does not want to do don't forget, and making all of your lives unbearable.
The social worker doesn't actually think that family should quit their jobs to do caregiving. But protocol demands that they make the inquiry.
Maybe she doesn't want to be a burden living with you. Have you discussed her moving to an Assisted Living facility?
She is an accident waiting to happen as evidenced by her falls. It would be helpful to have caregivers to help her. It doesn't sound like she's safe living alone anymore.
But you have one robust, reliable crutch. YOU are backing up your mother. You are respecting her autonomy, her right to make decisions about her life as she wishes to live it. And even, God forbid, should she become mentally frail and unable to be in control of decisions any longer, the correct ethical line is to continue to follow her directions on her behalf.
Your mother wants to be independent for as long as possible. Should the time come when it is no longer physically possible, it seems clear to me that she has opted in advance for professional, emotionally detached relationships in structured institutions rather than dependency on her daughter. There is something to be said for that formality if you are a private person by nature.
And that would mean that for you, respecting her preferences is a more loving thing to do than welcoming her into your home. I think your mother sounds quite some lady.
If you find yourself on the floor and can't get up.
You scoot yourself into the doorway with your legs on a lower step - grab the railings on each side or the doorknob and a railing and lift yourself up
into a standing position. The cheapest lifting device there is.
She is almost twice my weight so I can't lift her so one of the neighbors told us that is how she got her father to lift himself up from a fall- it actually works.
I also looked into self lifting devices-such as Mangar elk inflatable lift $1600
or Camel Elk Indeelift $1745 - will have to sell the RV to get one.
Barb: Luckily I work from home online but yes taking care of my husband is my other full time job.
Countrymouse: Thanks - I will let go and let mom do as she pleases
and try to quit worrying. She says if she breaks a hip insurance will cover her for 100 days in a SNF and then medicare another 100 days.
I wish you well taking care of your husband; mine passed away many, many years ago and I never thought twice about keeping him at home and taking care of him. My mom (sounds independent and stubborn like yours) is an entirely different story. Things are just not working well with her living with me.
My MIL got weaker and weaker and would fall (due to bad balance and weakness) and would call 911 (via her alert pendant) if no family member was available to help. They would come get her up, she would refuse to go to the hospital, and they would go on their way. It started at about once a month, then once a week, then daily. Finally my SIL convinced her to see a doctor (took a lot of convincing) who determined she was in end stage kidney and liver failure.
She refused dialysis, went on hospice and died in less than a month. My husband and I went and took care of her the last three weeks.
She was absolutely determined to stay in her own home, and since she didn't have any dementia we had to let her stay there, whether she fell or not. It was hard, but it was her choice.
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