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Mom has now had a total of 4 strokes. She still thinks she hasn't changed because them. Her verbal abuse toward me and my wife is unbearable. It's starting to take a toll on our marraige. Her doctors won't listen, the county won't listen. The times law enforcement has been to the house, they don't listen and won't do anything. My mom is not a nice person, she has committed fraud against my uncle (who I also take care of ). Before I became his caregiver, she physically assaulted both me and my uncle on more then one occasion. I don't know what to do, nobody will help me.

The next time she is hospitalized, refused to take her home. Have her evaluated for 24/7 care and cognitively. Tell them its time for Longterm care and do what you need to do to have her placed. In the meatime, ask her doctor for something for anxiety to calm her down.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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In the past M “physically assaulted both me and my uncle on more than one occasion”. Now it seems that it’s just “verbal abuse”. The police will not intervene for verbal abuse, and if you continue to call them multiple times it’s no surprise that they “told me if I call again I am going to jail”.

Like Alva said “Does your mother live with you? If so, evict her. Do you live with your mother? If so, leave.” Evict her means you serve her with a 4 week eviction notice.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Your profile says you've been caring for your mother since 2018. You've done enough. Just walk away. If she lives in your house, do what you need to to move her out. If you and your wife live in her house, move out. Then report to APS that she needs help and has no one to provide it.

Why are you also caring for you uncle? Do you want to be doing that? Is he paying you fair wages for your time?
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Reply to MG8522
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You've been posting about this issue for some time now. I'd get mother placed in Skilled Nursing care with Medicaid funding if necessary. Enough is enough, don't you think?
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Reply to lealonnie1
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What can you do? You walk away and don't look back, that's what you do.
And I hope to God that you don't live with her or she with you. Although if you live with her it's easy to move out, but if she lives with you it will be harder(but not impossible)to get her out.
And until she or you gets out, any time she gets violent, you call 911 and if possible have them take her to a psych ward for evaluation, and then make sure that she gets placed sighting an "unsafe discharge" in the appropriate facility.
And once out, you call APS every day if need be reporting a vulnerable adult living by themselves and violent. They will come out and do an assessment and take over her care if necessary, so please let them, as you and your wife have been through enough with your mom.
Time to get on with living and enjoying your life without all this stress.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Does your mother live with you?
If so, evict her.
Do you live with your mother?
If so, leave.
If your mother is competent under the law she will need to take care of herself.
If your mother is no longer competent in her own health, safety and care you will have to call APS to make a wellness visit to assess her needs. If she has needs then APS will have to open a case to get her into state guardianship.
Under no circumstances should you take responsibility for someone abusive to you.
I wish you good luck, but really , this isn't in our hands, but rather in YOUR hands to address.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I have a question. Do you and your wife live in her house or does she live in yours? This makes all the difference. If she's living in your place you can call the police and an ambulance and have her taken to the ER the next time she gets abusive. Once she's inside the building ask them to send down a social worker and ask them for a 'Social Admit' (use this exact term) for her. The slang term for this an 'ER Dump'. Tell the social worker that she cannot return to your home because she will be an unsafe discharge and there's no one to care for her. The hospital will admit her until they find a care facility to take her.

Now, if you're living in her house the hospital may decide that she's well enough and send her home. You and your wife will have to find somewhere else to live. If you're living in her house and plan on staying, also plan on living with her abuse. Even if the hospital gets her placed, you and your wife will not be allowed to continue living in her house. Unless she has very good LTC insurance or her house has been put it into Trust to you longer than the 5-Year Medicaid lookback period (CA is I believe 2+1/2 years), it will have to be sold and the money spent down on her are. Otherwise she will not qualify for Medicaid.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Is your mother living with you?
If so at anytime she is being abusive you call 911 and say she is having a medical episode and needs transport to the hospital. Once at the hospital you can say that it is not safe for her to return to your home, you are threatened and concerned about your safety and the safety of other family members.
And if she is living with you and has a diagnosis of dementia you can place her in Memory Care as that will provide her a safe environment and 24/7 care.

I should have started with are you POA for your mother?
If so send a letter to the attorney that did the original paperwork and inform them that you can no longer be POA for "Mrs.______" and she no longer has capacity and will need to have a Court Appointed Guardian. This takes the burden of her care off your shoulders.
Or
As POA you could place her in Memory Care again taking the burden of direct care off your shoulders. And you are still POA
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Chef925 Dec 23, 2025
We have called multiple times they won't do anything to her infact she lied to law enforcement and they were going to take me to jail even though myself and my uncle were assaulted they told me if I call again I am going to jail I guess for being the victim I was even bleeding
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Back away from the situation. This is not safe for you, your spouse, or your marriage. That’s what needs protecting. No one deserves abuse, no matter the cause. Protect your uncle as well, remove him from her presence entirely and guard his finances. The situation will change with her, it’s certain an event will happen that forces change. No fun waiting for it, but it always comes. Meanwhile stop being a punching bad and leave mom to it, that will likely speed up the event that’s inevitable and actually needed. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You have to call the cops when she gets abusive physically and tell them she has a bad UTI and that she is not safe at the house. You cannot take care of her, and she is and unsafe discharge. That will start the ball rolling. Do not take her back.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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