Mom has now had a total of 4 strokes. She still thinks she hasn't changed because them. Her verbal abuse toward me and my wife is unbearable. It's starting to take a toll on our marraige. Her doctors won't listen, the county won't listen. The times law enforcement has been to the house, they don't listen and won't do anything. My mom is not a nice person, she has committed fraud against my uncle (who I also take care of ). Before I became his caregiver, she physically assaulted both me and my uncle on more then one occasion. I don't know what to do, nobody will help me.
Like Alva said “Does your mother live with you? If so, evict her. Do you live with your mother? If so, leave.” Evict her means you serve her with a 4 week eviction notice.
Why are you also caring for you uncle? Do you want to be doing that? Is he paying you fair wages for your time?
And I hope to God that you don't live with her or she with you. Although if you live with her it's easy to move out, but if she lives with you it will be harder(but not impossible)to get her out.
And until she or you gets out, any time she gets violent, you call 911 and if possible have them take her to a psych ward for evaluation, and then make sure that she gets placed sighting an "unsafe discharge" in the appropriate facility.
And once out, you call APS every day if need be reporting a vulnerable adult living by themselves and violent. They will come out and do an assessment and take over her care if necessary, so please let them, as you and your wife have been through enough with your mom.
Time to get on with living and enjoying your life without all this stress.
If so, evict her.
Do you live with your mother?
If so, leave.
If your mother is competent under the law she will need to take care of herself.
If your mother is no longer competent in her own health, safety and care you will have to call APS to make a wellness visit to assess her needs. If she has needs then APS will have to open a case to get her into state guardianship.
Under no circumstances should you take responsibility for someone abusive to you.
I wish you good luck, but really , this isn't in our hands, but rather in YOUR hands to address.
Now, if you're living in her house the hospital may decide that she's well enough and send her home. You and your wife will have to find somewhere else to live. If you're living in her house and plan on staying, also plan on living with her abuse. Even if the hospital gets her placed, you and your wife will not be allowed to continue living in her house. Unless she has very good LTC insurance or her house has been put it into Trust to you longer than the 5-Year Medicaid lookback period (CA is I believe 2+1/2 years), it will have to be sold and the money spent down on her are. Otherwise she will not qualify for Medicaid.
If so at anytime she is being abusive you call 911 and say she is having a medical episode and needs transport to the hospital. Once at the hospital you can say that it is not safe for her to return to your home, you are threatened and concerned about your safety and the safety of other family members.
And if she is living with you and has a diagnosis of dementia you can place her in Memory Care as that will provide her a safe environment and 24/7 care.
I should have started with are you POA for your mother?
If so send a letter to the attorney that did the original paperwork and inform them that you can no longer be POA for "Mrs.______" and she no longer has capacity and will need to have a Court Appointed Guardian. This takes the burden of her care off your shoulders.
Or
As POA you could place her in Memory Care again taking the burden of direct care off your shoulders. And you are still POA