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Mom has Alzheimer's and currently lives in a Memory Care. She is running out of money. I have taken out loans, maxed out my credit cards, borrowed against my life insurance and now there is no where else to turn. She will not have enough money to live in this memory care much longer. They have apartments attached, and there is an opening for a 2 bedroom. Mom would be able to afford the rent they charge for those. I would have to move in with her and be her caregiver. I just don't know if I am up to it, but what choice do I have? I am an only child. I am a retired CNA, so details of care are known to me, but Mom wears out caregivers. She has already been kicked out of 2 facilities because they won't deal with her behaviors, which are from personality disorders such as narcissistic. She hits and is resistant every minute. I'm trying to decide if I should do this or borrow some more money. It's taking a financial toll and my husband doesn't want to ruin our credit.

Have you considered retaining an attorney’s services? They know the ins and outs of these situations and a good one can help you navigate through these issues.
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I have a question for those that say apply for Medicaid. As I understand, memory care is mostly..if not all private paid. I. have not seen any that take medicaid.

So you would have to move to a nursing home that takes medicaid.. another issue with moving to a nursing home is that I thought you had to have a medical need.. other than just requiring dementia custodial type care.

Is this correct? My parents are also in memory care.. so just thinking what kind of a mess it will be if they outlive their money. I am actually also planning to assist them for a couple of years financially if needed.. of course I can't do it forever.. and I would rather my nest egg go to my care when I need it.
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Ahmijoy Dec 11, 2018
My mom was in Memory Care, which is a kinder way of saying Alzheimer’s Lockdown. She started out in their Skilled Nursing Wing and then required more care. There was never a question of self-pay. When she was admitted to this facility, she had very few health issues, just dementia. But she was accepted anyway. The facility applied for Medicaid and she was accepted within 3 months.

I would caution you against using your own money for their care. It’s a noble idea, but I can guarantee you that your money will evaporate within months. My mother scrimped and saved so I would have an inheritance and her money disappeared within 3 months when she entered the facility.
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Apply for Medicaid, you should have never given up your retirement to pay her bills, there is no recouping that money. Get the application process started now and let the memory care know that is in progress so they can do Medicaid pending.

Do not give up your life for her.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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I would not do this. ALZ/Dementia only gets worse. This would be a 24/7 thing. What does husband say? I think at this stage you need to apply for Medicaid and a NH. Have her evaluated. There are meds that can help Mom. Maybe a phyciatric facility to find the right combination then onto NH. If she is in MC LTC will not be all that different.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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The way I understand this (and my understanding is limited) is the person needing AL/Memory Care is responsible for payment, not the extended family. Bless you for taking on this enormous cost, but your mom is the patient and Medicade is for her help. It sounds like your mom's financial resources ran out a long time ago, so the five-year look-back should be fine, assuming she has no assets, or that you are not living in a house that is in her name, etc. If your mom has spent down all her assets, Medicade will step in. Go online and find the Medicade website to read about it and find how to contact them tomorrow. ASAP. For your sake as well as your mom's. There are other resources available for you if you contact local senior services.
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Onlychild64 Dec 11, 2018
Mom owns 200 acres of Farmland. She can never apply for Medicaid. Her fees at this Memory care exceed her payments from the farm. The 200 acres has a mortgage.
Medicaid looks at five years. Dad died only 3 years ago. He was keeping her with him. Even if I sold everything now. Depleting the income would take longer than 5 years.
Thanks
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I wondered the same thing. Have you looked into Medicaid?? The social worker at the memory care can help you navigate Medicaid.
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Reply to Eyerishlass
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Can I ask why you haven’t filed for Medicaid?

If you take on her care, you will be exchanging one set of problems and stresses for another. Mom is violent and resistant and you say her behaviors are so bad she’s been kicked out of two facilities. Even as a trained CNA I can guarantee you and your husband will burn out after a month. If she tends to “carry on” at all hours, and escapes the apartment, you will not be very popular with your neighbors. If she attacks someone, you could wind up in court. Do you and your husband work? Who will care for her then?

Approach the financial delartment at her current facility immediately, like tomorrow. Explain to them with great honesty that funds are running out and you need advice. Do it now before you are in an emergency situation. Explain that you cannot care for her at home. Best of luck.
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Onlychild64 Dec 11, 2018
All of the answers say "Don't do it!". As far as Medicaid, she will never be able to use Medicaid or any low income help services. She owns 200 acres of farmland. We sold off 160 acres already on contract. So those last for 30 years. So Medicaid is not an option for her.
But even with the income she receives, the Memory Care fee is $6272 a month. Each year she is about 2 months short. That is what I have been taking up the slack on.
But you are right about the burnout. That is what she is doing to the caregivers at the facility now.
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.
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