Mom has Alzheimer's and currently lives in a Memory Care. She is running out of money. I have taken out loans, maxed out my credit cards, borrowed against my life insurance and now there is no where else to turn. She will not have enough money to live in this memory care much longer. They have apartments attached, and there is an opening for a 2 bedroom. Mom would be able to afford the rent they charge for those. I would have to move in with her and be her caregiver. I just don't know if I am up to it, but what choice do I have? I am an only child. I am a retired CNA, so details of care are known to me, but Mom wears out caregivers. She has already been kicked out of 2 facilities because they won't deal with her behaviors, which are from personality disorders such as narcissistic. She hits and is resistant every minute. I'm trying to decide if I should do this or borrow some more money. It's taking a financial toll and my husband doesn't want to ruin our credit.
If you take on her care, you will be exchanging one set of problems and stresses for another. Mom is violent and resistant and you say her behaviors are so bad she’s been kicked out of two facilities. Even as a trained CNA I can guarantee you and your husband will burn out after a month. If she tends to “carry on” at all hours, and escapes the apartment, you will not be very popular with your neighbors. If she attacks someone, you could wind up in court. Do you and your husband work? Who will care for her then?
Approach the financial delartment at her current facility immediately, like tomorrow. Explain to them with great honesty that funds are running out and you need advice. Do it now before you are in an emergency situation. Explain that you cannot care for her at home. Best of luck.
But even with the income she receives, the Memory Care fee is $6272 a month. Each year she is about 2 months short. That is what I have been taking up the slack on.
But you are right about the burnout. That is what she is doing to the caregivers at the facility now.
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.
Medicaid looks at five years. Dad died only 3 years ago. He was keeping her with him. Even if I sold everything now. Depleting the income would take longer than 5 years.
Thanks
Do not give up your life for her.
So you would have to move to a nursing home that takes medicaid.. another issue with moving to a nursing home is that I thought you had to have a medical need.. other than just requiring dementia custodial type care.
Is this correct? My parents are also in memory care.. so just thinking what kind of a mess it will be if they outlive their money. I am actually also planning to assist them for a couple of years financially if needed.. of course I can't do it forever.. and I would rather my nest egg go to my care when I need it.
I would caution you against using your own money for their care. It’s a noble idea, but I can guarantee you that your money will evaporate within months. My mother scrimped and saved so I would have an inheritance and her money disappeared within 3 months when she entered the facility.