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I live with her full time, and my doctor said to get out for my own sanity. I'm miserable help!

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First take care of yourself, what ever that entails. My experience with dementia is that they don't know where they are one minute from another, so where they are doesn't really matter as long as they are receiving proper care.Don't be too hard on yourself don't feel guilty for taking care of you, it is the proper thing to do. I was at a workshop for caregivers last Saturday, I learned that 30% of all Caregivers predecease the ones they are caring for, wonder why?
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Hi Reverseroles. Cheryl's Mom is in rehabilitation -- where she can get the constant physical care and on-going professional assessment she needs until she is well enough to be released. Think of her rehab situation like being in a hospital. From her previous post, it looks like Cheryl reassures her mother by letting her know she is NOT in a nursing home. And I'm sure she visits her mother and does things with her. Yes, it's upsetting to see our loved ones cry and get angry. But if they are somewhere where they are receiving medical supervision -- and they are safe and being treated with respect -- then that is where they need to STAY, until they get well.
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" my doctor said to get out for my own sanity" Do it.
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But if you take her home, and nothing is familiar, and she is still crying and mean? Then what? I would want her calmed down before I took that chance. Cure the sickness first, move the patient second.
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If she is crying to get out, why dont you take her home with you?Omg thats horrible. when my mom did that,I took her home with me omg poor thing! If you do live that long, wouldnt you want that? Sorry but thats just awful. If you wont take her out of there, you can go there and hold her hand, be with her, eat with her, watch tv or sing to her, tell her short stories, etc at the least, -please dont just ignore her.
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Gosh sounds like my mom. She's been crying so much being in a rehab center and don't remember why she is there. She thinks she is in a nursing home. She calls constantly asking me to get her out of there. If she starts with call after call I usually turn off my phone or just ignore her. It makes me feel bad that she is in distress, but I don't know how to help her. It's just so d*** sad. I hope I don't live a long as her. She's 92.
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Aweee your Mom is just as miserable as you, frightened, confused and scared. Lots of hand holding, kisses , music and meds! Good luck!!
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I feel for you! and isnt it GREAT medical advice "get out and leave a vunerable sick lady on her own"? I think you should report that Doc and change him asap. I had 2 nurses up here recently i was totally ignored and they just sat and listened to mums lies?
Your doc is right to a point to take care of yourself BUT he could suggest meds for your mum and longterm care? its too easy for these docs to just say "get out"?
I think you need to think about a NH i am ill from the stress of looking after mum and i will leave but have gotten 2 carers to come in twice a day morning and evening to give her meds?
I am drained from trying to get her help and shes never co-operative which drives me nuts.
Speak to a social worker and i would change her doctor i think alot fo docs dont like old people? i know my mums doc is useless he once said to me "your mum has diabetes is going to die what do you want me to do?". I know a "disgrace".
My siblings have no idea of how MEAN my mum can get and the way she speaks to me sometimes but how could they know shes all smiles and full of crap when they are here.
Take care of you as ive had a TIA and have had to step back i can tell you there are times when i hate my mum for the things she says to me, dementia is best left to professionals unless youre made of "steel"!
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Have you tried music that she used to like? Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Classical? Music can relax a person if it's music they love.
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I look after my mother. I love her AND she always has been mean AND the dementia makes it worse. So finally we did what should have been done many decades ago and put her on meds.
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Why not place her in a Nursing Home. It is very important that you take care of yourself. If she has dementia she will hardly notice the change, at least after a few days.
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I also have a Mother with dementia, among other mental disorders, who can be so mean. After my Dad died she cried all the time. She was frightened and confused. Both my parents should have been in Assisted Living long before Dad died. She was mainly afraid that we would put her "in a home". We tried for quite a while to keep her in her own place but it just was not safe for her. Eventually she got over her anger and her grief. Dementia is a scary journey for our loved ones. I imagine that is part of the cause of the meaness and anger. Don't take it personally - step back - and as calmly as possible tell your loved one that you will be back to talk when she feels she can be nicer/calmer with you. It worked for us. Doesn't mean it will work for you, but it is certianly worth a try. Best of Luck.
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Am thankful for Seroquel; given to my wife at the dosage of 50 mgs in morning, 25 mg at noon, and 25 mg at bedtime for Alzheimer's... This drug has helped immensely. It isn't a panacea, and behavioral problems still remain, albeit diminished.
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Your doctor may have to review her medication. My wife was hostile and even violent with one medication (Namenda), but is much calmer now with Seroquel. The two drugs are quite different and they affect people differently. As for getting out, YES, you should. You can't do all this alone. If you had an assistant caregiver for even 1-2 days a week -- to allow you to get away from it, go to a movie or see some friends and be a normal human again -- you may be able to endure with her behavior better. It's very difficult to be around insane people constantly! Remember too, that however nasty she gets, you can't allow yourself to become upset over things she says, because she is out of her mind! Better to shrug off any unpleasant conversation and smile while you change the subject. "Hey! A squirrel outside by the tree!"
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My mom is in a rehab center and calls me crying and/or angry because she wants to go home. I keep explaining to her she has to get steadier on her feet before she can leave there. She just gets mad and more upset. I don't know how to calm her and make her feel better. It is very upsetting and draining to have her call me many times a day being so upset. I even put signs up on her walls letting her know she is not in a nursing home, but there for therapy. If she could just settle down I think she'd do better.
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When a person with dementia finds, they're likely to feel anxious, stressed and scared. They may be aware of their increasing ungainliness and helplessness to remember things, and this can be very frustrating and upsetting for them. If you are looking for dementia caregivers who can help her in her need, could solve your problem.
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Is she on medication for anxiety and/or depression? Who will mom's caregiver if you get out in accordance with her doctor? Has she been checked for a uti? Is she dehydrated? Is her doctor someone who understands your mom's condition? Sorry to ask all these questions, need more information.
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Encouragement, distraction, empathy and support. Parents are frightened and don't always know what's happening then get confused. Food plays a huge part. When my mum starts to 'go off on one' - an episode (she has dementia and psychosis) I encourage (notice the word encourage and not force) her to eat something, even if she doesn't want it. Within half an hour her mood improves, she becomes, logical, rational and easier to console. It's hugely draining caring for someone no matter what their condition. Good luck, get support. x
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my husband does that and yes it is very upsetting to see and frustrating not knowing what to do so I try and change the subject and ask what her fav flower is and things like that when they turn just try very hard to distract them ask if they need something to eat or drink it could be that they are thirsty or hungry and that is someway of telling you thinking of you xxx pam
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Her doctor should prescribe anxiety medications for her. Go with her on the next doctor appointment and see if he can help you.
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