Mom is incontinent and refuses to wear pull-ups. Suggestions?

Irene, you have the professional advice from the AL to remove her panties and replace them with pull ups. You will get the same advice here.

Don't worry if she "pulls a nutty", she will have to deal with it.

Better a nutty then a smelly.

The AL has given you sound advice for dealing with this. Please listen to them.

I’ve no experience in nursing etc however just a civilian opinion - go with what they suggested - take ALL her underwear away and replace with pull ups.
she’ll have no choice then, you have to do what needs to be done and what is best for her as she cannot decide what is best for herself.
who cares if she goes nuts - let her carry on as you do with a child, eventually they tire themselves out and accept that their tantrums don’t change anything.
Again you have to do what’s best for her as she cannot make those decisions for herself

It is a learning curve taking care of our adult loved ones, God Bless you in this journey. This is a common issue with elderly, I went thru this with my mom one thing that worked was telling her I was wearing the same thing & thank goodness I wasn't in it alone & we could help each other out. I also had to "take" to the potty in protest & loving tell her she sat in something awful & I knew she didn't see it but I would help her get changed. I used this story for lots of things she would forget I just used the same white lie earlier. Being a care giver is so hard there is a LOT of stress listen to advice from others but do what works for you. My mother had dementia, she passed Nov. 21st this year. I miss her so much but I am thankful she is no longer in her body that caused her so much pain, falls, UTI'S, she needed to be showered & changed. I know in her mind she hated all that I tried to be with her as much as possible at least 6 days a week. I know I gave her love & comfort I was her voice when she needed one! The staff at the facility knew I was very involved in mother's care, it makes a difference all the way around. God Bless & take care of yourself.

Agree...listen to the staff, they have done this all before. Clearly your strategy isn’t working or you would not be here asking for suggestions. Recognize that you are going to have to do some things that makes your mother nutty and angry..but it is for her best interest and well being... Good luck...

My answer will be direct, but let me give context. My father died with Alzheimer’s after a 15 year journey. I lead education groups called Caregiver Academy at two hospitals and I work in hospice. I see the end results of caregiver decisions. If you continue like this, your mother will develop debilitating urinary tract infections and skin breakdown around her labia. Very painful and difficult to heal. UTIs can heighten her dementia symptoms until you get the infection under control. Incontinence of bowel lies ahead of you and you know you absolutely don’t need her messing around in her feces. Go ahead and Pick this battle now, toss all the panties, don’t argue with her, just smile, be gentle, and help her put them on. Maybe you put on a pair with her, and other women in the family. “Look Mom, these are the new fad!” Let her pull her nutty with you all standing in solidarity with her. (They’re actually quite comfortable.) Remember never to argue with a person who has dementia. Enter their world and try to have fun and smiles while you can. Your job is to take the best care you can of her physical well-being first, then her emotional state. Give her a treat for compliance.
Good luck.

For my mother, all it took was for the Dr. to 'prescribe' Depends and Poise pads to address future UTI's. Somehow she took the Dr's word over anybody elses. They aren't cheap, but it has made such a difference in her hygiene that it's worth it.

Yep, you’ve been told by trained personnel to take her underwear away. What she is doing is unhealthy and unsanitary.
What she does in reaction to the staff request is between her and staff.
Stop resisting and give it a shot. Do NOT give an audience to her anticipated outburst.
By refusing to acknowledge this inappropriate behavior she is drawing negative attention to herself and causing others to be uncomfortable and unduly concerned.
Be sure that you as her caregivers are not assuming some embarrassment for her behavior. If you are complying with staff requests you can’t be expected to do more than you’re doing.

If the smallest adult size is too large,look for larger children pull-ups. Measure her waist and upper thighs.
Remove her normal underwear. To leave it is cruel. It’s confusing. Out of habit she will choose the familiar. Don’t discuss it anymore. Just put the pull ups in her drawer and walk away. This will be over before 2020 gets here.
Gently mentioning here that you are having a problem with this. It will be okay. Mom can’t help it but she will adjust.

We had to take my dad’s underwear away and then since he had no choice he wore the pull-ups. Don’t project how she will react. She will adjust.