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Hello all. My mdelom has dementia and is in a memory home. She is in an imaginary relationship with her activities director. I try to explain to her nicely that he is just a friend. She disagrees with me. She often gets jealous when he is working with another patient which usually ends with her crying. This is very hard.

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Let your mom find her moments of joy where she can, as her brain is now permanently broken. Don't try and argue otherwise as you will never win.
If it upsets you to see your mom crying because the activity director is helping someone else. perhaps it best that you plan your visits at a different time of day when the director isn't around.
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I would bring this to the activities director's attention and the RN. Maybe someone can distract Mom when the director is with someone else. Nothing you can do about it. In her mind they are having a relationship.

My Mom thought the Daycare bus driver was her boyfriend. She wanted me to call him. I told her I did not have his phone number. He was really nice to her. Came to the door to get her. Put her arm thru his and walked her to the bus. Same thing when he brought her home. He would ask her how her day was going and she would smile up at him.
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LGinger11 Apr 19, 2025
Hi JoAnn!
I know there is nothing that I can do. It's just hard because I don't want her to get her feelings hurt. He knows and the nurses know. And it seems that he is telling my Mom that it is wonderful to have such a nice friend. When she mentions it to me I let her know that it is always a good thing to have friends and to be able to see each other all the time and do activities together ❤️ Your Mom sounds so sweet
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Talk with the staff. They see this kind of thing and have training to deal with it. Maybe they don't know why she's crying but can make some adjustments if they're aware.
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LGinger11 Apr 19, 2025
Hello!
I have spoken to the staff and this has happened with other patients too. Some have even claimed that they are in a relationship with him and are carrying his baby. They are used to it.
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My mom had an actual boyfriend at her IL. They ate meals together and she told me they would kiss after everyone else left. It made her feel special and she was consistently in a good mood. And then the drama started! It was like high school. She got mad at him for talking to another woman, he got mad at her for acting jealous and controlling and wouldn’t sit with her. She was suddenly feisty and unkind to me! He had dementia, that didn’t help. It all ended when she left for AL after a fall and rehab. He left soon after for memory care so she stopped complaining about going back. Sounds like she might have a new boyfriend. Hopefully no drama this time!
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LGinger11 Apr 19, 2025
Hi Shirley. Unfortunately, he is an employee at the home, he is 40 years younger and gay. He is an amazing activities person and includes my Mom in almost everything. Hence why my Mom thinks that they are in a relationship.
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Thank you. I do let her have her moments of joy. She is at a memory center and she lives there. She is very involved in every day activities and seems happy on most days. I know the "no no's" of dementia. I do not argue with her. We are very close still which is amazing and I am thankful for it. We do not argue. She calls me and cries or cries to her caregivers. I show empathy towards her and I speak to her and I don't speak down to her. I'm very protective over her and it's been a hard time. I just worry about her
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Thank you everyone 💓
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My mother thought she was going to marry Elvis.

Her caregiver played Elvis movies on the TV nonstop because my mother loved the beautiful scenery, songs, and attractive young people. Her PT came to the house, and since he knew she loved Elvis movies, he'd sing those songs to her when he was working with her in order to distract her from the pain. Due to her dementia, she confused the PT with the TV Elvis.

She'd sit at the window and watch all day for Elvis's car to drive up. She was sure they'd get married when he got there. She even bought a ring! Her caregiver took her to the mall in her wheelchair for entertainment, and mom insisted on looking at the rings in the jewelry case in a store. Next thing we knew, it was on her finger. I asked her why she'd bought it. She said in total seriousness, "I think it's the only proper way."

That's what made her happy.
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