Mom is having bladder bowel issues, accidents and not getting to toilet quick enough. She’s resistant to needing protection. Suggestions?

So many helpful suggestions here (even new ones to me), like the waterproof sheets and how to cover car seat (rubberized flannel).

Two (or three) specific issues here:
1 - what to wear on body;
2 - what to put on the bed (furniture, in car)
3 - dealing with resistance.

* Get a portable toilet next to her bed or wherever it is needed.
* You will likely need to try different items out and see what works.
* I call them 'disposal underwear; my main client calls them diapers.
* You could tell her some people pee in their pants from laughing too hard, regardless of their age. This may not diminish her feelings of embarrassment, however not feeling alone in these situations (or many situations) helps a person feel more understood and perhaps 'normal.' YOU ARE NOT ALONE (and neither are you).
* I've covered my client's mattress with a full queen size protective cover.
That never comes off (because there is enough over it so it doesn't have to).
* Either underneath the (regular) sheet - or on top of the sheet, I have a large fabric protector that can be washed as often as needed. These come in many sizes. The large one we have covers about 1/3 of a queen size bed. Sometimes, I use two since we have two (one is smaller because I didn't have the larger one at the time.)
* In my opinion, one cannot have too much of these items.
IMPORTANT: Always have:
1. Disposal gloves available
2. A can of disinfectant (lycol) - although it is strong (open windows or air out bathroom as much as you can);
3. Some kind of fragrance/air freshener (for when you need it around you when cleaning up.
4. A waste paper basket for this purpose when you need to throw things out quickly. Have it lined.
4a. Buy liners for the waste paper basket(s). I buy at Costco (garbage bag size and liner / small can size.
5. My client uses 'recycled bags (plastic) to put in her wet disposal underwear. These could be from the grocery store vegetable dept., bags from items that are shipped in the mail; if your mom would put these soiled items in a bag and 'wrap it up,' it will help.
6. I've learned to use a large garbage bag in the bathroom so it can be easily tied or secured / closed. The smaller bags don't have enough 'bag' leftover to really help reduce the stench.
7. Get a waste paper basket in the bathroom that will close. One that needs to be open(ed) with a foot or something like that. I couldn't get my client to buy one, but I surely tried. I use Lysol as often as I can (and spray on floor and/or carpet, esp when client goes out to lunch and I can air out her room. (Some may take issue with the chemicals; we all do what we feel we need to do in any given circumstance). No judgment here.
8. Get the carpet shampooed reasonably regularly. I've seen my client 'pee all the way into the bathroom from her bed/ studio-one room.
* * *

All of the answers as to bed covers, diapers, pads, etc. are fine. But the question is why this is happening and what can be medically done. What about taking her to the toilet say, every hour, and making her sit there until she does something. Can medications help. If she is rebelling against wearing these items, then I would get extremely tough and firm with her and tell her that she will have to clean up and mess, and herself, you are no longer going to do anything because she won't cooperate. And let it happen once or twice (although you will have to clean up the mess on the floor). Let her feel dirty. It may help. When people become stubborn and uncooperative and what they are doing is horrific, they have to be stopped and treated very firmly - I assure you nothing else will work. Sad but true. And scare her and tell her you will remove her if she does not cooperate fully.

Well, mom is already using the Maximum. Has anyone found that the "overnight" are any better? When I asked about the "Extra laundry" charges I was told she won't get up at night to go (reading into the response that they are trying to get her up to go) and is soaking herself, linens and PJs. I see they offer an "overnight" choice, so I thought I might ask those here who have had some experience with them if they work better.
Mom had some recent falls (no injury) and now refuses to walk, won't work with OT/PT and is just being an obstinate jerk about it all. I asked that they notify me as extra charges are being made so I will know BEFORE we get the monthly bill! I only have enough money go into her account to cover the "rent" and a little extra for incidentals, etc. Rent is due on the 1st, has TWO extra charges on it and when I asked, we're not even into August and they already have two more pending...

So, are the "overnight" underwear really any better (they are more expensive!)?

My mother vehemently denied the need for incontinence garments until the day she and I were riding the elevator up to her apartment in Assisted Living. She peed all over the carpet in the elevator, saturating it and her clothing as well.
Depends pull ups is what she's worn ever since. I order them from Amazon on the auto delivery program.

Portable commode next to bed. Mom uses Teena Pull UPs which we call fancy panties. 2 washable chucks and 4 disposable chucks in addition to plastic over mattress and plastic on top of that. She has a garbage can next to commode for all paper products. All essentials hang on a shoe rack behind her door which is near the commode. Changed her room around to accommodate this lay out. She can close the door for privacy. Use baby wipes, get her garbage can bags (Dollar Tree 4 gal. $1) sanitary hand lotion, toilet paper if necessary, absolutely baby wipes she wipes herself and removes any urine residue.

I booked an appointment with a Continence Nurse for my relative. Nurse told her the options were *cure* or *containment*. If cure not possible, then containment it is. Time to choose products from her gift bag to trial.

(You do want a Doctor to look into the problems first though!)

I was amazed how much the nurse said was accepted - well that's experience for ya! Good ole no-nonsence practical choices - denial was not an option. Having someone to discuss it without embarresment the trick - she'd seen it all before.

Hope you have a similar clinic, or resource. Good luck.

Relative now happy in more absorbant pullup style.

Pull up pants that are disposed of if soiled. Just tear the sides to remove. I kept a bunch of baby nappy bags in the bathroom for something to put the soiled ones in. And a pack of replacement pants there too. I always kept a reserve pack of pull up pants in my car too in case gone through a lot!

Pull up pants are as close to usual underwear as you'll get - so apart apart from being slightly more bulky - it will seem more normal for your mum to use.

**Best way is to start by replacing her normal pants with the pull ups whilst keeping a pack in the bathroom too. Removes the option of “forgetting” and putting her old ones on ... **

Best of luck - been there several times - hence the best way part... !

I had some trying times with my Luz trying to get to the potty (bathroom) from the bed. She would get about half way and the flood gates would open. this was on the same spot daily.
I finally placed a pea pod mat at the site and it saved me a lot of work. There were other times and recurring places that I applied the same strategy.
This usually happened when her underwear was full and overflowed or she may have removed them after going to bed.