My mom is 82 years old she's a little frail old 80 pound elderly woman.. since 2011 I've been here caregiver I do everything for her maintain her bills, make sure she eats proper foods, take her to appointment get everything in order, etc.. I love my mom so much I've been trying to please her.. my two brothers don't do nothing they might visit on Sunday for 2 minutes or bring her a little plate of food and just leave. Lately she is so angry with me she wants to break everything in her apartment she insulted me in so many different ways..... I live 1 block away from her.... I feel so overwhelmed I so unappreciated.... I'm 46 years old and recently I bought a home so she could live with me and my husband and she refuses... instead of me being happy buy my first home she got me feeling guilty.. the house is 30 minutes away... my 25 year old son moved in with her so I could get a little break because he seen the way she treats me... I'm really so confused and tired... everytime I try to be happy she tries to knock it down with something. I really don't know now if I really want to move into the new house because the way she makes me feel. My husband says regardless she still going to be the same way no matter what she's not going to change
Her acting out and becoming violent isn't normal. Perhaps if you can figure out what's going on, you can better deal with it. Depending on what is causing it, medication might help with her mood. Maybe, then she won't be so distraught and miserable. Mental anguish is very painful. I'd try to find her treatment.
I'd try to stay objective about her behavior. Sometimes illnesses can cause people to lash out without justification to their caregivers. I had that happen with my cousin and it was shocking. Later, after we figured out why she was doing it, it all made sense. I had to look past her odd behavior and negativity. I knew who the real person was and that she didn't mean to be that way.
I hope you find your answers.
She is not really angry at you, she is projecting anger onto you because you are the closest person to her. She is far more likely angry that her old life where she was a vibrant, healthy, independent person is gone. She is angry because she can't do what she used to do, she has to rely on help. She is angry because death is staring her in the face. She is also probably very scared and anxious as to what the future will bring.
It is good you are getting some distance. It's true that she probably won't just magically stop this anger projection. However, if you discuss these symptoms with her doctor, they may prescribe something to help her with this anxiety. After a week or two on this new medication you may be dealing with a person who is much more like the mom you used to know.
Angel