Mom is acting more spoiled, unthankful lately, a total departure from her usual pattern. How do I approach this? - AgingCare.com

Mom is acting more spoiled, unthankful lately, a total departure from her usual pattern. How do I approach this?

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Is this just part of her going downward? I don't quite know what to think, how to approach this.
cadams

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This isn't your mom - it's the disease - so try to roll with it, as hard as that is to do. However, a visit to the doctor is in order. She could have developed a urinary tract infection or she simply may have developed anxiety over the increased commotion during the holidays. Whatever the reason, a checkup is likely in order.

Please keep us posted on how it's going.
Carol
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My mother also had dementia, it's hard to see someone you love go thru the changes. It's different one day to the next. Just keep reminding yourself its not your mom its the diease. Trust me its easier said than done. Saying thank you and please to everything is no big deal we all forget from time to time. Its not like the world is going to come to an end if its not said. Be grateful you still have your mother with you, mine past away last April and I would give anything to have her with me even with the dementia. Be easy on your mom and cherish each moment you have with her. One day she will look at you and not remember who you are and that will break your heart. Love her for who she is not for who you want her to be.
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I have same situation with my mom and the weekly struggle with bathing and clothing choices is exhausting...she gets super aggitated and a mean look and nasty response always in sues ....I too felt upset with her, and discovered that my tone and approach triggered her responses...A soft and loving tone has almost gotten her to be less and less aggressive...All who recommend love and forgiveness to you know that is the only true and effective way to keep peace and harmony as much as possible when caring for a person with dementia/az
Give it a try let us know what happens...Good luck!
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There are many changes in behavior that you will see with your mother as this disease runs its course. I too was flabbergasted watching my mother turn into a selfish belligerent child at times, scream at me to leave her home and my daughter and I could live on the streets, or her get out of restraints so she could climb out of bed like a caged animal. It is heartbreaking, because these are the people you have loved all your life and they have loved you.

All you can do is continue to say to yourself over and over, "this is simply a progression of Mom's disease." You can forget this at times, especially when you are exhausted. This is not something your mother chose, she is very ill and is getting progressively worse, she can no longer control her behavior, or she would.

Love your Mom and forgive her each day because she would not do these things if she could control them. It is her disease.

My mother passed away from this in September of 2014, and I cared for her for 8 years. I have been in your shoes. God Bless you all.
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I think acceptance of these changes helps rather than trying to correct them will be
beneficial to both. As a doctor once told me “Play the hand you’re dealt.” It works for me. Blessings.
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It could just be that the Holidays have interrupted all her routines, her diet and her regular eating and sleeping habits. If you think it is more than that, get her to the MD and have her checked, and ask about anti-depressants.
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Your profile says Mom has dementia. This may indeed be an indication that the disease is progressing. Or as Pam says, the disruptions of the holidays may be causing a temporary decline. Or she may be coming down with some of the dreadful bugs making the rounds this time of year.

If it persists or gets worse, mentioning it to the doctor who is treating her dementia makes sense to me.

How to approach it? Whatever is causing this is not a personality defect or a psychological problem. Dementia has physical causes in the brain. Keep firmly in mind that Mother can't help this change in her behavior. She isn't doing it to annoy your or manipulate you. It is something she can't control. Just reminding yourself of that should help you cope.

Don't take the behavior personally.

It may become appropriate/necessary to set some limits, for example to leave the room when her behavior is particularly irksome. But as her behavior declines yours may have to become more obviously loving and tolerant.

Dealing with a loved one who has dementia is a huge challenge. Hang in there!
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When my mother also becomes spoiled like a child, I treat her with the loving patience you give a child. Sometimes I even play the airplane game to get her to eat her meat and vegetables when all she wants is the dessert.

I know it's not easy. Hang in there.
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To add a little humor, how did she act when you were
acting spoiled and ungreatful as a teen.
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It is not uncommon for the elder to stop with the pleases and thank yous when they are aging and losing some of their mobility etc. They become move focused on their immediate needs which you are providing. I would not read too much into it.

Good luck.
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