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We are from India and mom used to be in a senior community there. She's always been absent-minded but last year, her memory grew worse and she would walk out of her unit "looking for me." There were many other incidents and her neighbors would often call me about these. So I rushed over and brought her to live with me in NJ.


Mom has never worn shoes or socks here entire life - she didn't need them in India and she refuses to wear them now. She also has horrible toenails and I worry the socks will get caught in them. Yet, daily she chants "it's so cold..". She doesn't understand that NJ in December will be cold.


So what do you all recommend? We have hardwood floors and mom's nervous about carpets too - that she will slip on them even if they are skidproof.


PS: If we go anywhere in the cold weather (to meet family) , mom only wears her Indian sandals (flip-flops) and a sweater. Refuses to wear a heavy jacket.

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There are spa flip flops, soft, flurry and comfy that maybe she would be okay with. I have seen some on Amazon that are reasonably priced.
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Wren; Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos about dealing with folks with dementia? Learning how to deal with mom's competing issues of cold and refusing warm clothing is the kind of thing that Teepa is good at.

Most folks with dementia lack "executive functioning" which in part is the ability to see the consequences of their actions. They also don't learn from experience.

If you are taking mom out, offer a choice of footwear and take backup with you. Or remove her flip flops and tell her that only warm footwear is available.

Same with coats. If she goes out and then is cold, you have a parka or wrap with you and offer it.

Blame climate change. Blame whatever political figure she dislikes.
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wearynow Dec 2019
Thank you, BarbBrooklyn:p)
Yeah...I pull out white lies to get through the day.
I take a thick blanket for the car if mom goes out at all.
I did watch some Teepa Snow videos and got the gist of it.

I soooo miss gossiping with mom about "who did what"...now she barely remembers people and its tiring to explain daily what I am talking about..conversations are very superficial now...at least she seems to know who Trump is...lol....
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If you get carpet don't have them tack it down. It will put holes in ur hardwood. There is tape that can be used. It may solve Moms problems. Those floors are cold.

My thought was those dancer workout footwear. Some have just the sole and strap on. I found some under "Dancer workout footwear"

I have been thinking about u lately. So is Mom with you permanently?
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wearynow Dec 2019
Hmmm, not so sure about the dancer workout footwear but thank you..always great to get different ideas here.....

Yes, mom has been with me for the last 7 months and I don't see forsee her going back to India any time soon. She cannot be alone.
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Lined Crocs are warm, easy to slip and and off and not tight like shoes and socks.
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wearynow Dec 2019
True but mom is just not used to a buckle around her feet and will constantly grumble about it...

Thank you
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Checkout the UGG website (www.ugg.com/womens-slippers/). UGG is a bit pricey, but IMHO worth every penny. ;-)
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wearynow Dec 2019
Thank you....I got something similar for mom from Target and she says her feet are slipping and she walks very slowly and makes me nervous..
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Hi,

I got two pairs of synthetic "furry" flip-flops at Target, not so long ago.
They are washable, and they have open toes . They are white, but DON'T BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE COLOR ! Mine wash up beautifully ...... no problem ! Do you have a TARGET near your home? Otherwise, a place such as K-MART might also carry something like that. This is a good time of year to be looking for them, as stores would stock more of this type of thing in the winter,
I just want to tell you that I am an ONLY CHILD, too ! I remember when my parents were living, sometimes it was a burden to try and take care of everything
with no siblings to help ..... but then, you get to call the shots, too. You will be OK if you take good care of yourself. Get the help you need. Hang in there, Kiddo !
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What about lined crocs?

https://www.amazon.com/Crocs-Classic-Lined-Animal-Clog/dp/B07L99HMRD?th=1
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wearynow Dec 2019
Mom is not used to buckles - she prefers slip-ons where she just has to slide her feet in. I might get the crocs for myself though....:-))))

Thank you!
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There are sheepskin flip flops. Maybe those will help. Google it.
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I was having a look at moccasins and mukluks, too - there are some seriously gorgeous styles out there! Could your mother be persuaded to try some if they were decorative enough?
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Wren, there are Japanese socks that have a separate big toe - I can't remember what they're called but I'm sure you'll find them online. Just wondering if your mother might find them less claustrophobic on her feet. If you can have claustrophobic feet...🤔

Short of installing underfloor heating, which is a heck of a lot more expensive than practical Westernised footwear would be, I can't think of anything that would feel normal to her and keep her warm. Imagine moving to a country where you had to wear woolly gloves the whole time! - and you can see why she'd find this such an uncomfortable inconvenience.

Would you consider having fitted carpets put in? Even non-slip rugs are a trip hazard if your mother becomes gradually less steady on her feet.
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wearynow Dec 2019
Thank you. Mom will not wear any shoe style footwear. Anyway, I hope she likes the padded spa slippers.

I'm not going to put fitted carpets in - we are already spending a lot of money on hiring sitters for mom, her medical expenses. She will still find something to grumble about the carpets.


All your responses are very helpfu - thanks again.
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