Mom hates assisted living. Should we save money and move her?

You use the word "adequate" in describing the other places. I guess I would ask, what type of gal is your mom? My mom has always been a "princess and the pea" type of woman. While mom has always been tight with a buck - she is finally, at 89 - more concerned with comfort and privacy - nice surroundings etc. so "adequate" just wouldn't do anymore - the princess side is fully in residence, the frugal gal has been kicked to the curb. Since my moms money will last and since it is her money - she stays put in her private room with the sliding glass door that opens out to a private landscaped courtyard - fountain and all. It's only accessible by six rooms so it makes my mom happy even though she has yet to go outside - maybe now that summer is almost here?! Mom is also finally participating in some of the activities- it only took six months, lol! So I'd say - you know your mom, is a posh setting something that matters to her - even if she doesn't seem to be noticing it? And can she continue to afford to stay there regardless of her participation? She may, after a while - become more involved. It certainly surprised me when my mom did.

It does sound like you are paying for lots for great amenities that are not being used or appreciated. I completely understand as my parents are in a nice independent living environment with lots of great amenities that are never used.. and I am sure we are paying for them. So frustrating!

When my parents first moved in I would try to get them to use the van provided for them, go to some events, appreciate the movie theater available to them, the nice grounds, exercise classes.. etc. Every month I would pour over the calendar of events to see if I could get them to participate...in anything.. but to no avail. My dad just wants to "go home".

I would consider moving her and saving money if you are absolutely sure she isn't going to have a change of attitude (didn't happen for me its been 2 years and my parents still have a bad attitude and do not appreciate the amenities).

Is the other place at least clean and safe with available assistance that she will require?