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My mother is in assisted living. She has been feeding stray cats out in the parking lot for months (over the objections of some of the staff and some of the other residents). She decided she wanted to catch a mother cat and her kittens a while back and get them over to a spay/neuter clinic. Well, somehow she was successful yesterday (with the help of two staff members) and now has the mother and one kitten closed up in her bathroom. With the long holiday weekend I am thinking she's going to have to contain them there for upwards of a week or longer. It's a pet friendly facility but I am sure they require proof of vaccines, worming, flea meds and such.


I was going to visit her today and take her out for a while but now she's stuck there taking care of the cats. Plus, I can't go there because I cannot get sucked into being responsible for this situation she has created.


I am somewhat dazed and confused. She's entered a new realm of kookiness. I would love thoughts or comments from the members of the forum. She's a major fall risk. This isn't going to end well and, as usual, her poor decision-making is going to fall on me when the sh*t hits the fan!

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Update: Turns out staff & management were not so much on board with the situation so the cats have been turned back out. Mom's heart was in the right place but the operation needs to be planned out better so that the cats are not brought into the building. We will attempt in the future to get the cats to an adoption facility where they can find suitable homes :)
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SnoopyLove Jul 2022
Glad to hear those cats are out of there! I hope you are able to reclaim your much-needed break this holiday weekend.
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Upstream, tell your Mom that the other kittens are crying for the mother cat, they need to be nursed [depending on their age], maybe that will help her realize that she had separated a mother cat from the rest of her kittens.
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Upstream, correction.

If your mother gets kicked out of the AL, SHE is up a creek.

Not you.

She is not your child and you are not her Guardian. You don't intervene. Tell the AL to send her to the ER and let the state take control.

I only run myself ragged for folks who are cooperative. I take a hands off approach to those who are self-destructive, mentally ill and or "stubbornly independent".

They need more help than I or any mere mortal is capable of giving.
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Upstream,
Written letter to the Facility Admin, stressing how dare your staff exploit
the tender heart towards animals that your mother has, and actually help her to quarantine feral animals in her living space.

To support your mother in this "not well thought out" behavior of a vulnerable adult, the staff involved puts her at risk of falls, disease from fleas and ticks, and liability, at a time when her needs are too great to be caring for feral animals. The facility should be made responsible to treat for fleas and clean the carpet and bathroom.

Their actions involving helping your mother should result in staff taking the responsibility for their own lack of judgment, responsibility to rectify this situation should not fall on my mother or myself to rectify this impending disaster. end...

Do you think that might protect your Mom from being evicted, and from this situation becoming yours to fix? (Whether or not you agree, you can present this false bravado for liability reasons, or to fight an eviction.) imo. Poor cats, she thought that she was "saving" them. Sad.

Just thinking on it, and wondering what we will ever do when (not if) our elderly 'cat lover' ends up in AL. A scenario such as this did not even enter our minds, until now.

I hope that you cannot be drawn in, but totally understand your worry, on so many levels.

The cats should be let loose, returned to their natural habitat. imo. The mother cat may have other kittens to attend to.
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Upstream Jul 2022
Thank you, yes that's a good idea. Yes I am concerned about my mom possibly getting evicted over this. When my dad was in a memory care facility several years ago, I received several phone calls from staff stating that my mother's behavior was horrible and more or less put me on notice that they did not want mom coming there without ME as a buffer for her foul language and nasty disposition. If she gets kicked out we are up the creek.
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Upstream; DO NOT spoil your holiday weekend over this.

Your mother needs to live with the consequences of her actions. This is simply not your problem to solve. I'm curious to know why you think it is.

There's a technique used in parenting called "natural consequences". I don't recall your saying that your mom has dementia, so if she can still learn, this is the way to go.

Stop swooping in and saving her.
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Upstream Jul 2022
Thanks, I needed this!!! It already gave me a bad night of sleep last night with crazy cat dreams, etc.
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If facility employees helped her, this comedy is entirely on them.

I would not involve myself at all.
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I cant see her leaving the cats in the bathroom until Tuesday. She might have to let them go for now.
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I'm sorry, but this made me laugh.

I could see my mom doing the same thing--and your mom had HELP from the staff? Oh that makes it 100xs' weirder.

OK. The Human Society may be closed for the weekend (I bet they only close on Monday)---but they should be called ASAP and the cat & kittens need to be removed. Sweet of your mom and kudos to her for caring...but..she's not really in a place to be handling a family of cats.

Someone would come to the facility and pick up the animals. There is no dearth of animal lovers out there!

And then her bathroom should be bleached to within an inch of it's life!!

You just can't make this stuff up.
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Upstream Jul 2022
Unfortunately this is a rural area and this is not the Humane Society - it is strictly a non-profit spay/neuter clinic. I don't event think they keep animals overnight. The only "public" option is county animal control which is a high-kill facility. They would be better off being turned loose back into the parking lot. Shelters around here are over-capacity and it's very sad but there is literally nowhere to turn with this situation.
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Does your humane society accept the cats and hold them until they are fixed?

I think I would be calling to find out if they can hold them until they are ready for release.

Her heart's in the right place even if her reasoning is a bit off.
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Upstream Jul 2022
Everything is closed until Tuesday! Of course mom caught them the day before a major holiday weekend kicks off. So it's going to be at least Tuesday before a phone call can be made. My work schedule next week is brutal with lots of appointments already set up. So I can in now way get involved in the transport of these cats to the shelter. Mom's ALF is 20 minutes from me and the spay/neuter facility she is in contact with is another 30 minutes away.

Yes her heart is in the right place but she is just not physically capable of doing this. She uses a walker, has broken many bones due to falls (including her spine) and is hunched over with very poor balance. I am just afraid I am going to get roped in to this drama. My husband and I have worked very long hours to get to take two days off for the holiday this weekend. He is going to blow a gasket if I get sucked into this situation over the weekend. We both need to unplug and de-stress. Mom has been a significant problem in my life for a decade now. I just can't do it anymore...
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To clarify: Mom and I were involved in animal rescue in the past, together (like 20-30 years ago). To my knowledge, she does plan to release the mother cat once she has been spayed. I think she is under the impression that someone is taking the kittens to put them up for adoption. I am trying not to get sucked into this vortex. I have my own problems including a career that is much more time consuming than a 40-hour workweek. I just got off the phone with mom. She says the director knows the cats are in the bathroom. And yes we are looking at a lengthy time frame before the spay/neuter facility will be open due to the long weekend. Also, mom has the trap set out again in the hopes of catching more kittens. So this is only going to get worse.
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Alva basically said what I was going to write, but I have to add that the title of this post is hilarious! Not to laugh at the situation and the trouble and stress it is causing you but . . . 😉
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You can let Mom know that the cats need to be fixed and once they are out tell her that the real owner was found and don't bring them back. Really hard.
Prayers
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Inform administration and allow them to deal with this. With cats this feral your mother herself is in danger of scratches and infection. My brother died of sepsis from a very small wound on his shin.
It does sound, larger picture, that your Mom is moving out of the timeframe in which she can be ALF patient and may need to move up to memory care or to Nursing Home.
There may be light holiday staffing soon, but the staff will have access to other staff on call. Put this in the hands of whomever is working. Our own Animal Care and Control does the same work weekends and holidays it does all year round in an emergency situation, which is what this is.
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PeggySue2020 Jul 2022
My guess is that they are semi feral or outdoor cats. But as such they’re still a hazard to this elder…and the staff was directly involved!

Hello toxoplasmosis risk, not just to her but any caregiver. Cat scratch fever, which I’ve seen in two elders. Like send intimated, how bout some flea or tick diseases?

Contact admin and tell them mom isn’t liable. They are because if not for staff mom couldn’t be in the imperiled position she now is.
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