Mom with dementia doesn't understand why she has to pay bills. Any advice?

Sorry about punctuation,phone has a mind of its own

Show her the deed when she sold the house. Trying to explain financials with someone with dementia is pointless. Just say "it is being taken care of mom", and change the subject. When she gets angry, take her for a ride. Distract her and keep her away from when you do the bills. I do all bill paying around 5 a.m. and my husband only knows when I pay a bill off. Then he is really happy!

One good way to look at this is that no matter we are for what our condition, we must all day on our bill for three without basic necessities, including housing. Whether we pay rent or mortgage, we must either pay for our housing or be homeless. When paying for utilities such as water and electric, we either pay or do without those utilities. Water is a basic necessity for survival, and we all have running water these days. This is a basic need that needs paid for we won't have running water. I am not sure what bills and your mom is questioning, but if it's any of these, the harsh reality stares us all in the face, because there is no "free lunch." Whatever the bills are that your mom is questioning whether it be these or some other bills, If those bills are absolute necessities, they must be paid, plain and simple. There's just no explanation for someone who just doesn't get it unless they want to try living without those specific necessities. Sometimes the only way to get through to some people is to ask them how they would feel trying to live without what they need, and Believe it or not this is often a reality for some people. This is the best I can tell you because it's the truth and a very harsh reality. Nothing in this life is free

If Mom lived at Horizon she wouldn"t have monthly payments and she would receive the best care possible with a staff to resident ratio of 1 to 1

i've been taking care of my parents for about 6 years now...slowly but surely...they just let me take over and don't ask me about bills or anything else. my advice to anyone who has a mom or dad with dementia or Alzheimer's is that you DO NOT have to tell them anything that they don't understand! Tell them anything that will make them feel better or give them some peace of mind. You CAN'T reason with them if they have reached that point...so DON'T. Just take care of business and say whatever makes them feel better...they will soon forget...and eventually won't ask you anymore! gooooood luck

Sometimes what they want or expect from those memories is to bring comfort and reassurance. Just tell the white lie but also try to know what is it that would bring that piece of mind when they show some anxiety...maybe it is a person they remember and their particular way to comfort them. It is not that people with dementia live will live from memories, in their minds they are in fact living IN the past, so trying to 'bring them to reality' not only won't work.. it is actually cruel. A memory box, an album with photos, music and activities from those younger days would be a very kind approach and more humane. In terms of money issues, their claim about 'somebody stealing' it is the most frequent episode and remember to not to take away drastically the apparent control they want to have over their well-being. Reassure, give options, respect and understand.

My mother regularly asks what have I done with her apartment and the proceeds from the sale, where is the rest of her money, is it in her name, who is paying the bills etc. and gets angry and suspicious. What works is very calm, gentle explanations, talking slowly, answering each question and giving lots of sympathy and reassurance about the way she is so frustrated and confused. Takes about 30 minutes each time to get her chatting normally. It is exactly the same conversation each time. Like Nansacola in a previous post I also point out the memory loss due to mom being 90 years old, and she does accept that.

I have POA and paid all mom's bills for several years now! She has dementia and terminal cancer! She's under hospice! She's never stayed by herself a day in her life so have to pay someone to stay nights!
Now answer to your question - They don't understand about money! Tried telling mom several times it's taking more than her income to pay her night caregiver! She doesn't want to understand that her savings is getting low and I'm paying some of her bills myself! My resolution - don't discuss money with them! They don't want to understand it so I quit discussing finances period! Like talking to a 5 year old!

Correction - never stayed a night by herself!

My friend with dementia was "together" enough to understand that his mind wasn't working right, especially in the early stages. I tried, as much as possible, to make him feel involved by going through things he was interested in (again, and again, and again), along with the (sometime

..sometimes "cliff notes" version of what I felt was prudent to do and why. He was bright and well-educated, and I was often pleasantly surprised by some of the very astute questions and observations he had. He also seemed to enjoy that he was being included and taken seriously.

Yes. No reasoning ability. It is frustrating on both... best to no even attempt. The trick, is to REMEMBER NOT TO!! Future plans, do not discuss causes anxiety. Just agree never disagree. Smile & be happy alot. It's hard, but force yourself to do so. Take your long bath or just a nap in your bed. Regroup. Be determined to make your loved one feel your love. You will always be there for them. In restroom mirror give yourself pep talks, name out all your qualities!! Keep smiling. God bless you & all caregivers!!

Yes, at some point it comes down to the basics. Yes, Mom, your bills are paid. You have water at the tap, electricity when you turn on the light switch, your cable tv works, these are your clothes, this is your furniture, and there is food and medicine. You asked us to help you with this a long time ago...and we do. We are right here. You are ok. Enjoy yourself.

Had the discussion about finances with Dad tonight in fact. I just keep repeating to myself the best advice I've seen about obsessiveness - validate and redirect. Have the paperwork sent to you or make it paperless.

I went to the US postal service website and had my mom's address changed to mine for $1. That's how I discovered what all she had stopped paying.

Your mom has reached the point where re-orienting her to reality isn't going to work anymore. It is SO hard to accept this in your parent, especially if they were pretty savvy with their finances in their prime. But, the time has come to enter her reality. Trying to get her to see facts, truth, reality...will only frustrate and upset both of you. Simply stop showing her the bills she doesn't think are her responsibility. Try to figure out her thinking around her long-gone house and agree with it. Does she think it's empty, waiting for her? Does she think it's being rented out, lived in by family? Whatever is comfortable for her.
HOWEVER, keep in mind that this can be very uncomfortable territory for you. I know it is for me. I use a 'say as little as possible' approach. When Dad gets on a topic where his thinking and reality are far apart, I try to be vaguely agreeable. I don't ever want to slip into actively making up elaborate lies to match his thinking. I find that just avoiding disagreement, rather than out-and-out lying, is important for me in retaining my respect for him as my father.

If she doesn't see a need to pay bills, she probably will not pay the bills. It would help her if she had a companion or someone to help her in her daily activiities.

My mum was extremely savvy about paying bills - she used to be a bank manager so you would expect that. I started initially going through the finances. Then I realised that she only wanted to know that the bottom line was increasing. SO now what I do is this I say we have paid for the utility bills (never ever name them all) and this is whats left. She's happy and my life is so much easier.

There are some great ideas here. I learned to try to smile a lot and say, It's all been taken care of. And if she wanted more, I would promise to get it, but it had to be mailed and it would arrive any day. She seemed to accept it, but she would ask the same thing in 5 minutes because she would forget we already discussed it.

I have noticed that over the last year, she doesn't ask as many questions. I guess it's because she doesn't know she has a car, a house or, a bank account.

My own Mother had been diagnosed with Al/s over two years ago. The first thing that I learned as Mum's full time Caregiver was that WE WERE ON OUR OWN.
There's no One there to teach You how to react when Your World comes crashing down around Your feet. I began to understand that Mother wasn't able to figure
things out, or reason therefore confusion set in. Instead of contesting what Mum
had said, I began to enter Her World, and I noticed a big change immediately. Mum became more content, much happier and so did I. Now I tell Mum exactly
what She would like to hear, as opposed to the way it might be. Why bother, or
upset the Crater. Keep Her happy and content.