Is your mom just telling stories or being a victim? Have you talked to her about this at all?
It's okay to say something to her like, "Mom, I know you and Aunt Marge had a falling out 15 years ago and I'm sorry that it still hurts you but ruminating over it all the time just makes it worse. Either call Aunt Marge and mend fences or move on and let's not talk about it all the time anymore."
If your mom is lucid you will be able to explain to her how her constant negativity affects you. She probably isn't even aware of it. Try to make her aware of it nicely and respectfully.
One of the best things you can do for your mom is take her for walks. It helps almost everything. Remember that with dementia, it will progress. After awhile she will stop telling the one story and start with another. Her memories will fade. Not everyone’s dementia progresses the same. ”Let’s finish this puzzle and then we will walk to the corner for ice cream.” ”Did you notice that Red Robin at the feeder? Let’s put out more seed. “ Try to read all you can about Alz and dementia and be sure to watch the Teepa Snow videos on UTube. They are really helpful.
It is not clear whether there is something medically wrong with your mum, or whether she is just reflecting on her past. Almost everyone with dementia is a "time traveler" going back into the past and reliving past hurts and past hopes. Do you know what is the basis of your mum's anger about past experiences? It is good to be with someone who is the past, sharing their moment with them, but as the replies above have pointed out you can encourage your mum to join you in the present moment and forgive past hurts.
IMHO, this could signal the beginnings of dementia. Sorry. The retelling and keeping inventory of everyone "who done me wrong" was the main mindset and activity of my late father.
My advice to you is to suggest forgiveness, redirect the conversation, and failing all else, refuse the conversation. It got so bad with us, I would just leave the room and refuse to dwell on negativity and a hourly rehash of "who borrowed my hammer and never returned it.
Isnt it amazing how the elderly mind can focus on exact details of a snub from 1943, but can't remember what they had for lunch. Hang in there.
It's okay to say something to her like, "Mom, I know you and Aunt Marge had a falling out 15 years ago and I'm sorry that it still hurts you but ruminating over it all the time just makes it worse. Either call Aunt Marge and mend fences or move on and let's not talk about it all the time anymore."
If your mom is lucid you will be able to explain to her how her constant negativity affects you. She probably isn't even aware of it. Try to make her aware of it nicely and respectfully.
Remember that with dementia, it will progress. After awhile she will stop telling the one story and start with another. Her memories will fade. Not everyone’s dementia progresses the same.
”Let’s finish this puzzle and then we will walk to the corner for ice cream.”
”Did you notice that Red Robin at the feeder? Let’s put out more seed. “
Try to read all you can about Alz and dementia and be sure to watch the Teepa Snow videos on UTube. They are really helpful.
My advice to you is to suggest forgiveness, redirect the conversation, and failing all else, refuse the conversation. It got so bad with us, I would just leave the room and refuse to dwell on negativity and a hourly rehash of "who borrowed my hammer and never returned it.
Isnt it amazing how the elderly mind can focus on exact details of a snub from 1943, but can't remember what they had for lunch. Hang in there.