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Dad passed away Dec 30 last year of melanoma. My Mom hasn’t been bathing regularly or cleaning up after herself or her dog. She is incapable of paying her bills.My Mom has a mortgage and many bills so she can’t afford to live in her house. We are thinking of moving her to a small 1 bedroom apartment. She is 2 months behind on house payments and can’t afford to pay property taxes. His life insurance is being contested so she only has her fixed income. My brother and I both live out of state . Just when I think she is doing ok I find out that she’s been lying to me about her incontinance and keeping up with the house. We are terrified she will ruin the carpet in the apartment and get evicted. What should we do?

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Oh JoAnn, what an insane situation you're stuck in with the Medicaid threshold, I'm so sorry. How frustrating, and what a stupid waste of a potential home for somebody. Are you making a fuss about this to anyone?
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What's the problem with the life insurance policy? Why is the insurer querying the claim? I'm just trying to get a feel for whether there is a realistic prospect of payment or not - if the insurers are just dragging their feet, maybe there is; if the policy was taken out after your father's diagnosis and there was a failure to disclose, or if there was a minimum cover term, then probably not. But you do need to get some idea, because this sum of money could be useful in negotiations either way - whether you're fending off creditors on the one hand or helping your mother to apply for additional benefits on the other.

I'm afraid I have rather a lot of questions, but first of all I'm very sorry for your loss. It is a very recent loss, and melanoma is a very mean disease. How are you doing?

Is there anybody near your mother providing her with practical and/or emotional support? It's eight weeks, only, after what must have been a terrible experience, and now all this incredibly stressful admin. I feel for all of you.
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GonzoAmy166 Mar 2, 2019
Thanks so much for your kind words. I am taking it one day at a time. It’s been very difficult and my Moms brother has just been diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic prostrate cancer. My Dad took out this 5k policy before he was diagnosed with melanoma but after he had basal cell skin cancer removed from his neck. He had basal cell skin cancer removed on 2008 and was diagnosed with melanoma in June 2017 and bought the policy. February 2017. All of my Moms sisters and brother live close to her so she’s receiving lots of support. I’m very worried I just received a call from my cousin who saw my Mom. My Mom isn’t washing her hair, bathing or cleaning up after her dog. She has incontinance problems and I’m not sure if she is just grieving and depressed or something more is going on. She tells me she’s ok and doing fine but my family says otherwise. I will be going to Florida again in less than 2 weeks to see her.
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Has she appointed a Durable POA and Healthcare POA? If so, they may want to go and stay with her to see what her needs are. She may not be reporting everything accurately, through no fault of her own.

If she's incontinent, can't pay bills, lying, etc. I'd make arrangements for you or another family member to go and stay with her for a couple of days. That enables you to know just how competent she is to live alone and run her her own household. I'd actually view the financial records to see what the truth is. She could be confused about it. Has anyone talked to her doctor about her health? If she's not able to live alone, without assistance, moving her to another place where she's alone, might not solve the problem. Depending on what you find out, I'd get consult with Elder Law attorney and a financial expert to see what her options are for these debts and long term care.
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Really, you can't sell the house for a quick sale if you think Medicaid will be needed in the next 5 years. It will have to sell at Market value. If you think you can get her past 5 yrs, then sell it for what you can.

Why is Dads insurance being held up? You may have to get a lawyer involved. Call Office of Aging to get a number for Legal Aid. Yes, check to make sure she applied for Dad's SS. This is the short version, if Dad was bringing in 1500 and Mom 750, her 750 will drop and she will get his 1500.

Like isthisreallyreal said, there maybe HUDD apts near you. They take 1/3 of Moms income for rent. She would be responsible for electric and TV.

I am assuming Mom is on Medicare. Does she have a supplimental. If she is considered low income she maybe able to get Medicaid. If she can, there are other things available when you have it. You may need Homecare, they provide it. I also suggest you get Mom to a doctor for an evaluation. She could have Dementia or depressed after Dads death. Things maybe too overwhelming. Hope you have POAs.
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GonzoAmy166 Mar 1, 2019
My Dad died during the contestable period of this one life insurance policy. Mom received another life insurance policy and used almost all of it at the funeral home. She went hours before I flew in from Arizona. She knew I was on my way and didn’t wait. As for selling the house, it always smells of urine and I don’t think we could ever sell it with her living there. Whenever I am there I have to mop, wash sheets, etc every day. Mom is adamant about only wanting to live in a few places. She fights me tooth and nail on everything. Trying to go over mail with her on the phone is next to impossible.
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I would find a senior apartment building that charges based on income.

Get that house on the market at a price it will sell quickly, hopefully leaving mom a little money.

Check into her getting a portion of your dad's social security.

Find all the food pantries close and start using them. Check out if she qualifies for meals on wheels or food stamps (SNAP)

Have a yard sale to create some instant cash and dispose of excess furnishings that will not fit in her new place.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope that you get mom situationed quickly.
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GonzoAmy166 Mar 1, 2019
Thank you. Mom just started getting part of my Dad’s social security. I have tried to get her to agree to cheaper apartments but she refuses and my Aunts are not helping me at all. They tell her this isn’t a good place.
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