My mother has broken her wrist & fractured her jaw. She’s having surgery on her wrist tomorrow & then 6-9 months recovery. Working on getting an oral surgeon for her jaw. We’ve been told it will have to be rebroken and wired shut for 3-6 months. My dad has a g-tube and she’s the main caregiver. She’s not able to care for him ex. Feed, crush meds, etc. now. She’s not able to drive either. My brother lives in town 3 miles away and is refusing to help. She’s told me he and his wife don’t want to help her. Keep in mind she moved 5 months ago to be near my brother. I love 600 miles away. I immediately flew here when my mother called me. My brother has not come by or called. This is also the same mother I posted about mentally & physically abusing my father. She has not talked to me for two years until about a month ago. Only because she is fighting with my brother right now. My mother is a narcissistic psychopath by definition. I’m having a hard time caring for the both of them only because of the tone she uses when addressing me for “why my dad hasn’t done this” & “you need to dress me”... I don’t need to go on. There’s no Kudos from her. Would it be possible to file for emergency guardianship over both of them? Or just my dad? She has a durable POA with my brother listed second. I have a durable POA one too with me listed... hers trumps mine but she filed for divorce while she got the durable POA. I have recordings, nasty texts to my dad she’s sent and paperwork I’ve filed to APS. How hard would it be to get emergency guardianship so I can either take my dad back with me or get emergency guardianship over both. I like this site because I value the honesty of opions on here. I love my mom, the issue is she’s text book narcissistic psycho path personality disorder never diagnosed. She’s going to be unable to care for him for 6-9 months.
I am not much of a "blood trumps all". For me, love does that. I will go a long way for love and decency and zero distance for psychotic disordered folks. From that I will run away, and that is whether I am the daughter or not. What is it you imagine you can conceivably do to help this situation short of giving up your entire life in exchange for a life of abuse?
Is he? Have you actually spoken to him yourself?
I think, if you're not to fall straight into a quagmire, you really need to talk to him first if only to confirm that he's washed his hands of them.
Did he and you get on pretty well before this two year estrangement?
Another person has given some some wisdom to me... just ask her what she wants her care plan to be and honor that. I’m doing that today and will keep y’all posted. This site really has great insight.
On a side note it’s even though I think my mother is insane she’s doing the best job she can at 71 trying to care for my dad, I’ve seen an improvement since three years ago. I do think she needs to be evaluated because her instability and her inconsistent behavior. She cannot remember medicine dosage.
Just say it was you. Would you think *any* of the reasons you guess might lie behind your brother's attitude good enough to block somebody's calls, refuse communication to the extent of withholding essential news, and refuse to visit a house that that person is staying in?
I mean, he's not just a bit disgruntled, is he?
My guess is that someone must have fed him some rather poisonous taratiddles at some stage.
So, to return: is it true that your brother has "refused" to help? Or is there a bit more to it than that?
I wonder if your mother told him not to tell you about her bad fall because you wouldn't be interested. That you'd refused to visit. That you'd said he could deal with this on his own.
I can't suggest how, but find a way to talk to him. Both of you need not to take your mother's word for anything that anybody has said.