Mom is asking for bank receipts that I don't have. What do I do?

I don't have a suggestion Clarise1. I just wanted to say that I handle my in-laws finances, my mother-in-law is a paper hoarder, and I can empathize with you. Anyone who is judging you hasn't walked in your shoes, and should reserve their unhelpful criticism. It's not going to change the situation now, and not saving some deposit slips doesn't suggest something nefarious.

It took me an entire summer to help my mother in law clean out her paper hoarded bedroom so she could see the bed and sleep in it. Sometimes you have to prioritize on thing over another. Even if she was the unluckiest person in the world and the bank messed up every deposit (though it's incredibly rare for it to happen even once), it wouldn't be the end of the world. I'm sure you're just doing the best in a very difficult situation, and I wish you peace.

Oh Clarise your situation sounds so much like my own several years ago. No matter what I gave her, or explained she still did not comprehend and it always ended in both of us stressed out. She could not understand how she over drew her account by 1500 and guess who stepped up and bailed her out!

I keep as much of a paper trail as I can for my mom's business dealings. As a senior she gets her monthly bank statement for free, but I do pay a small fee for a 'cheque back' service, which provides a copy of all cheques written. But before she moved in with me I also switched most of her payments to direct withdrawal from her accounts, and I now do a lot of her banking online. That allows me to print out anything I need, or alternatively you could just show her the account online, much simpler.
As for keeping statements, I am slowly adapting to the paperless society, but I have always kept things until I reconcile my books at tax time. Of course, then I have to sit and shred everything at once, which is a pain.

Of course Clarise you have made the mistake so let's not dwell on that part - your mistake and I know what guilt trips can be laid on people. It would seem from your comments that you are NOT POA so you don't have access to her finances other than make deposits. Im not sure about other countries but you can't deposit someone else's check in your bank account over here [UK] unless you have it signed by them.

So I am afraid you are going to have to grin and bear it and either tell your Mum you trashed them - which quite frankly I would do - that's the most honest route and to quell her subsequent wrath - because you just know that is going to come - you will have already gone to the bank and requested duplicates.

They should be quite helpful if you explain that she is elderly and has dementia and is now fretting because she doesn't have them. She is going to be a hoarder of paperwork and there is no way round it hun so just grin and bear it and be good girl!!!!!!

I am Mum's POA and it is a REQUIREMENT that I keep every receipt known to man and then some so be warned if and when that time comes for you will be required to demonstrate above and beyond all reasonable doubt that you have acted in her best interests at all times. That is not saying you don't now but just a caution for the future. Good luck - let's hope she doesn't spank your bottom!

Send you're naughty!! AGAIN. Think it is easy to judge others without knowing the full facts and I am as guilty as everyone else of so doing but a lot of us on here are POAs so we KNOW how much paperwork is involved.......PS you don't have to be a POA..... if you don't like paperwork Clarise I would weigh that up before saying yes. I do all Mums banking on line now with the exception of deposits so I only have to do a print out but I do keep copies of deposit slips and receipts..... I have found the banks really helpful

Good point, JeanneG. Don't know how that happened, feeling pressured at the teller's window, making several transactions for myself and for someone for whom I am rep-payee, putting my glasses away too soon. I should be fired!
Clarise should be fired too!
Can we be fired if we're not getting paid? I guess so, hope so, soon would be good.

You know what would have been even more helpful than having the receipt, Sendme2help? It would for the person making the $100 deposit to have glanced at the receipt and noticed the error at the time it was made. I don't keep receipts, but I sure as heck LOOK at them when I make a deposit. If the receipt has $100, then that is what the computer system thinks was deposited. Going back a week later and saying "this receipt is wrong" is not likely to help.

With a little convincing, the bank can duplicate the transactions between statements, and they can and should do this for free.
Anyone banking where they are charged fees for everything is just banking at the wrong bank. Have the transactions duplicated, please.

My bank has been making mistakes, wish I could have looked at and kept the receipt for $100 cash that was listed as $20. I feel bad for the many disabled and senior bank customers. And I am sure of this transaction.
Clarise-I feel bad for you too, because you will be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. If you do keep the receipts, good luck finding the statements to match them to when a question arises. Your Mom won't be able to either. It is a good thing to try to help someone who has hoarding issues, however, many of us go about it in the wrong way. Persons doing finances on our behalf, whether paid or unpaid caregiving should do it the client's way to build trust, then make su
ggestions later to streamline the bookkeeping. Use the easy shoebox method.
Out of respect for anyone, do their stuff their way.
If you still want to throw everything away that is yours, consider this scenario:
An organizer-type person was hired to place all the resumes in the bottom drawer for the boss. Then the boss was in a throwing it away mood, so demanded all that be thrown out. The employee, knowing not to cross the boss, threw them all out. Later, the boss remembered he had quickly placed cash in there to hide it.
Gone. Boss needed a keeper!
I keep financial receipts, especially cashier's checks. I review them to remember how much money was given away to my family so I won't make that mistake again.
Clarise, if there is anything going on, maybe it is just worry that Mom acts like she doesn't trust you, and does not respect you for the limited time you do have to give to her? Hoping that if she sticks to her old-fashioned ways of banking that you can accommodate her wishes, at least as long as the banks will allow it.
Please don't take it personal, it's not you, it's her. Neither is wrong.

I don't keep bank deposit slips. I used to until I finally figured out I do not use them or need them.

And I would discourage my mother from wanting them. But if I couldn't talk her out of it and that is what she wanted, I'd save them for her. Copying her check before depositing it? I think I would encourage auto deposits if that is at all possible. So she wants you to copy the check, deposit it, and save the receipt ... so she can compare them later? And catch the bank in a mistake? Lordy, what a pain when you've got a million other things to do!

For now, sit down with her and the bank statement and go over all the deposits with her. Tell her that you'll start keeping the receipts for her. Go with her to the office and ask if it is OK for her to bring her checks in to have them copied. Let her be responsible for that end of it. (At least that is what I would do. Or you could say, politely, that beggars can't be choosers, and you'll deposit her checks for her but you'll do it your way.)

And really work on the direct deposit angle!

but now you're making more stress - why not just tell her the truth, then at least she won't have to be worrying about it

Honestly I did not need to be judged so harshly and frankly very disappointed. like others I deal with a lot caring for a senior parent and everything falls onto me. I work and have a family and so forth and while I may have a different opinion re: receipts and whatnot I never ever would jeopardize my moms finances or well being. Smh. This has nothing to do with another agenda- it's a matter of keeping my mom from stressing when she doesn't need to. Don't judge what you don't know

Frankly, I don't agree that deposit receipts shouldn't be saved. And whether or not you agree to make copies of the checks prior to deposit really isn't your decision. These are your mother's checks; it's your responsibility to handle them the way she wants.

Without either, you have no proof other than the checking account statement that the checks were deposited as your mother requested. And it's not impossible for banks to make mistakes.

I'm wondering why though is she receiving $400 checks while she's in AL. It would be easier and safer to have them deposited directly with the bank - then you don't have to deposit them.

By your definition, I would be a paper freak too because not only do I keep financial data, I keep legal data as well.

Your false statement that you were saving "bank crap to get [her] off [your] back" when you weren't doesn't really suggest to me that you're the best person to be handling any aspect of your mother's financial affairs. It may seem like a little white lie, but it's a lie nevertheless. There's a big difference between junk mail and legitimate financial data.

How do you get out of the mess you've made? You go to the bank and pay to get a duplicate receipt. And you pay for it yourself; don't take it out of your mother's account. It's your mother's money, not yours, and she has the right to have the receipts.

Frankly, I think there's something else going on here.

I do. After I check the computer to see the deposit was credited, I put the receipt in the bin to be shredded. It keeps the clutter down.

Well, it's actually about a 50-year-old who decided to disregard her 86-year-old mom's instructions and then lie to her. Tell your mom you lost them and then go to the bank for evidence you made the deposits.

I had a mom pretty much like your mom. Wanted all her financial i's dotted and t's crossed. In a million YEARS I wouldn't have disregarded her wishes as you did. Probably some passive-aggressive stuff going on.

WHO THROWS OUT DEPOSIT SLIPS??