Mom is asking for bank receipts that I don't have. What do I do?

Word of advise. Please Do everything your mother asks you to do. This is the last thing she has control over. She has probably been keeping all kinds of documents and making copies of documents for years. It is a trust issue. Even if she does not have dementia, she will continue to test everyone not only you. You have to be honest with her and if need be, go to the bank to get copies of the receipts she asked for from your previous bank visits- on your dime. Don't try to change her - YOU are going to have to change and adapt to her. And she will have specific requests because that is what she has done in the past. Like it or not,You now have the role of personal assistant. Make it easy on yourself. Start setting up a mini office filing system. Keep the receipts, make copies of everything she asks (purchase an inexpensive ink jet printer for her home) including the checks. Purchase a small portable file box at the local retailer and put hanging folders and file folders inside of it. Make it for year 2015. Label each tab for each bank account, bill company etc. Put it in a specific place in her house/apartment. Yes, carry a MOM ENVELOPE in your purse so you can put all her documents in it. As you are paying bills, making deposits, coping checks, put all the documents you have collected inside that box in its designated folder. When she gets her bank statement, you can pull out all the documents and she can go over everything. Label boxes for the mail to be sorted in - one for letters, one for solicitations, one for magazines, one for newspapers. Give her a boundary that she has a week to go through the junk items and then they will get tossed. Ask her the next visit if she went through everything in the box. Then follow through on it. Guess what??? I thought the same thing you did 8 years ago - making unlimited copies, saving all receipts, etc. when I first started doing errands for my parents. I just complied with their wishes. And then I needed a document from 6 years ago when my father died!!! Yes, I have a copy of it and was able to prove something was taken care of and was able to finalize a situation. Bottom line, take the stress off yourself by being creative with the situation. Blessings to you and your Mom

The only time I have EVER had a bank error is when I wrote a check to someone, the bank processed the wrong amount. It used to be that they would print the amount of the check you wrote in those computery looking numbers at the bottom next to your account number and check number. They processed the check for my check number instead of the amount I'd written it for, because for some reason the amount didn't print. That was like 25 or more years ago though!

This topic is too close and personal to me so I should not have commented. Sorry Clarise that I have the opinion to save the receipts and that differs from many posters here. There was no judgment of you in my post, not fully explaining it seems I have been misunderstood. My post had way more to do with my own financial pressures of what has actually happened to me, than with throwing away a receipt. I am not going to share those events here, sorry I thought it would be contributing to warn of what could happen. If I could have used the computer for my banking, I would never have been able to trace the "emptied my bank account issue" to the person for which I am rep-payee because he is a computer whiz.

THANK YOU to those who "get" my situation- and hugs to you! Each of you touched on at least one thing that mirrors (almost exactly) what I'm dealing with and I have picked up some great tips as a result.

For my work, I deposited cash and checks in person with a teller. The receipt matched my deposit slip. A few weeks later, we received a letter from the bank adjusting my deposit to LESS than the actual deposit. My boss gave it to me and told me to deal with it. I'm very detail oriented (per my boss). I file all deposits with the receipts, copies of the checks and the deposit slip stapled together. I took it to the bank, showed the teller the letter of adjustment and my backups for my deposit. I told the teller if you add up all the cash sales, it will match the receipts and the deposit slip. If you add up the checks, it will match the receipts and the deposit slip. She took it to the supervisor, came back to me and asked permission to photocopy everything- the receipts, the check stubs, the check copies and my deposit slips. On our next bank statement, they reversed the 'adjustment.'

Not only can banks make mistake, sometimes they adjust it on their end. And then inform you afterward.

Not sure if you have online banking set up or what bank your mom is with, but most have check imaging upon deposit. So for instance, if you go into the branch or online banking and go through each cycle banking statement they will have the deposit amount and you will be able to click on its chk #and view the front and back image, and even print it. Again this service is available at most major institutions, so you have copies of the checks deposited at your fingertips. As far as the deposit receipts, after the close of that business day, that receipt can not be duplicated. Period. I would gather the check images first since those should be available, and then tell her the truth about the receipts plus provide her the bank statements hlighting the deposits date and match to chk date to offer her any consolation about the mishap. I worked as a bank manager for many years at 2 different banks, so i understand your pain from both sides of the coin. Good luck!

Jeanne, I had a teller key in the account number instead of the dollar amount, over 9 million dollars(oh happy day). Of course the error was in my favor so it was cleared up right away!. I have a NEAT scanner and scan every check and match it to the statement on line. I don't keep deposit slips, ever, but I do check they put in the right account # and the right dollar amount before I discard it.. Banks do make mistakes everyday and if you're not timely about resolving it....that is your mistake. Sorry Clarise, money is a very sensitive issue, we lost all ties with family because of a misunderstanding regarding money. I also know that it is impossible to explain mistakes to people that aren't listening. Try to sit down with Mom statement in hand and try to explain that you lost the slips but you can prove the deposits. In the future give your Mom the brightly colored envelope and take her to the bank once a month so SHE can ask the teller to make a copy and SHE can save the slip. Do it at the drive through if Mom has limited mobility. My MIL wouldn't let me convert to direct deposit and now that BIL hijacked her account I can't get the DD without opening a separate account under her name alone. Just be happy you're not POA so she can't legally hurt you.

My mother is exactly like yours. She keeps every piece of paper that comes to her, regardless of its usefulness. She too has an apartment overrun with useless paper. She has paper going back 30 years. Take my advice - it is better to give her the deposit slips rather than argue about it. You and I wouldn't live that way, but they do. My mother is 96, and I am 61. Do you want to spend the next 10 (or more!) years fighting this battle? Not worth it.

Oh, oh , oh forgot about the phone in cameras now a days. Take a picture of the phone and the deposit slip?

picture of the check...not the phone (silly, I was so excited to be able to positively contribute)

I don't keep bank deposit slips and I deposit via ATM. The record of deposits and withdrawals is all online and in your bank statement. I do not see the need of keeping duplicates. Your mother seems to be rather obsessive about paper but according to your profile she does not have dementia. Have you ever considered the possibility of an evaluation? Often financial matters are the first place developing dementia shows. I think I would sit down with her and explain that your time and energy is limited and describe what you are prepared to do and not do. Also explain to her that the deposit is recorded at the bank so her bank statements will show time and amount of deposit. I would work with her to get all transactions, like the deposits, automated as far as possible . Personally, if my mother started at me about how I handle her banking I would suggest to her, kindly but firmly that if she did not trust me that she find someone else to do who has the time to do it her way and that she should be prepared to pay that person. I think you are entitled to set some boundaries in the use of your time and should be able to call some of the shots. You are her daughter, but you are not a child, and as a parent ages the care giver has to take over more and more responsibility, and in some cases, not act just to please the parent. My two cents anyway.

I have refused to do some things that my mother wanted me to do as it was not in her best interests, She didn't like it, and I got a lot of flack but it worked out better for her in the end and she recognized that. Caregiving is a tough role. Big (((((((((hugs))))))))) to you.

I agree with some of the responses but just not so harshly. I would check with the bank about the deposit slips. (Some banks now offer copies of checks and deposit slips online and you may be able to print off the copies that your Mother has requested. You should have told you Mother the truth and take the consequences of it. If she has requested you do these things - I would do it to "Keep the Peace" with her and maybe put the information in a folder system to keep it better organized. My mother was very picky about how I handle anything financial for her, but my mother did not have dementia - she just didn't trust me. I am now sure why other than I was the child and she was the parent. I ended up doing some things behind her back with money that she gave me. I kept it in a safe and I ended up pay for her funeral with that money. If I would not have been sneaky about the money. My husband and I would have been financially ruined, because she did not want to think about the end of life things, such as funeral expenses and final expenses. Sometimes you have to be sneaky to protect yourself. Good luck to you.

I save all monthly bank deposite receipt transactions until i receive my bank statement to balance my checkbook. Then I will shred the deposit receipts. I keep the bank statements for five years then shred on a yearly basis.

Let's all try to apply The Fruit of the Spirit, Gentleness instead of the opposite, which is harshness. This site is a SUPPORT site, not "let's see who can tear down someone at the knees."