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My husband died of cancer after 18 months. I hired full time help when my husband was ill and remodeled a bedroom and bathroom to accommodate his needs. His family did not assist at all and rarely visited. His siblings and parents think because I have the remodeled room and could afford help for my husband that I should provide this service for them. I have said no, but they are refusing to take this as a final answer. Am I wrong to not want to provide caregiving for two ninety year olds with dementia?

I’m relatively certain my SIL will never follow thru. She talks a lot, but never seems to do anything. I agree that no lawyer is going to take their case. After all the years my husband and I were married they should know I’m not prone to backing down.
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Reply to UsedupDIL
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SIL called again this morning. Grabbed the phone before I looked at caller ID. She went off on a tangent about me being uncaring, etc. I told her that I wanted no further communications with any of them. She started in on we’re family. I told her that my connection to the family was dead and I was done with all of them. During her rant she did reveal that she couldn’t find an attorney. She brought up her children and how close they were to my husband. I laughed and pointed out they never visited a single time while my husband was ill and two of them 21 and 23 didn’t attend his funeral. Called the phone company and am getting a new phone unlisted telephone.
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Reply to UsedupDIL
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BarbBrooklyn Sep 24, 2018
She sounds like she suffers from a mental illness of some sort.
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Usedup,

I think you did the right thing by changing your phone number.

The requests you are getting from the In Laws are completely unreasonable, and quite bizarre.

There is a reason SIL could not find an Attorney! Her case or whatever she was trying to pursue is laughable.

I hope you find peace and joy getting your life back on track.
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Reply to lizzywho61
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Two ninety year olds with dementia?  Of course you are not wrong at all in refusing to do this.  You're sane and reasonable.  Think about it - caregiving one person with dementia is not really workable beyond the early stages, but two? They aren't your parents, right?  Caring for your husband is one thing, but you really have no obligation to provide money and housing for their parents. No, this is simply not your responsibility.  They need to work on ways to care for their parents, thinking in the long term.  Just keep saying "No," as often as needed. I would not argue or explain, just show then a stone wall - "No."
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Reply to rovana
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It never ceases to amaze me.....

No attorney worth his salt would take on a case like that on contingency. And from the sounds of it those in-laws would never want to pay a retainer likely in the thousands of dollars. Give them, if you want to give them anything at all, Medicaid contact information.
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Reply to gladimhere
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God bless you..the loss of your husband must have been so painful...my condolences to you...but I must say that bringing in 2 more people (90 yr olds) into your home is something I would not do...especially after you told them no already; "NO MEANS NO!"...at least in this situation..I too am a burned out DIL & after what I am still presently going through. ..would never do this again!!! I know this sounds horrible but, I have learned my lesson...It sounds like you have too..I know once I get out of my current situation I will not get into this kind of thing again!!!
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Reply to lessonlearned
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Well, as long as they don’t have a key to your house, they can’t sneak ‘em in while you’re at the grocery store. I’m only half kidding. YOU are in charge of yourself and your house. “NO” is a complete sentence.
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Reply to FarmJelly
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It never ceases to amaze me what other people will want and expect of us to preserve their inheritance! I have two twisteds sibs like that.
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Reply to gladimhere
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My parents were wonderful, thoughtful people. During their illnesses they cooperated anyway they could. They did not fuss about me hiring outside help with their money and they were willing to check into respite care for me to have a vacation if I needed a break. During my father’s illness my husband was a big help. He pitched in any way he could. My husband’s illness was difficult. Multiple rounds of chemo and radiation, but for the most part he kept a good attitude and did what he could to help himself and me.

My MIL and FIL are totally uncooperative. Husband’s siblings are greedy and feel entitled. BIL actually commented after my husband’s death that their inheritance would only have to be split two ways.

I told in-laws again today that I would not allow them to move in my home and that I would not take care of them in any way. They then called their daughter to tell her how selfish I am. Of course, she called crying and whining to me about she couldn’t possibly disrupt her family and it would be so easy for me since I was alone. I told her sorry, I’m going back to work October 1st and could not possibly help. Maybe that will get thru.
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Reply to UsedupDIL
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Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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