Missing work due to elder care. How do others handle time away from work?

I was just thinking last night of how people say "it takes a village" to raise children. My mother now requires a small army.

Mom's the same age. They had her going to a heart doctor twice a year, a pulmonary doctor twice a year, her primary, an eye doctor, her pacemaker clinic and doctor. Between normally scheduled appointments and follow-up appointments, that's all I was doing.

I stopped all of them. She has a primary who comes to the house. I have faith in him; so does mom.

Gotsta' do what one's gotsta' do.

But, I feel like, those of you that are cutting down on work are also, cutting down on your social security. Who is going to take care of you?

I hear you. That's we we got her to move to Assisted Living.

I have a low income job. Not low enough to qualify for federal programs at all, but not high enough to be called middle income. My siblings found jobs with high income and great retirement. I have a job at a small business which is only me and my 2 bosses. Because it's small, I can last minute call my boss at home at 8:00am (I open the shop at 8:30am) and say, "My dad finally agrees to go to the ER. I've been trying to get him to go since 4 weeks ago. I'm going to call 911 as soon as we hang up. I can't come to work." And my boss says okay, just update them. And that is why I've been working at this job for 20 years for such low income. I can call in last minute that I can't come. And we will figure out how I can make up my hours. He much prefers that I make it up than to pay me less on my paycheck. Now that sis is living with us, I no longer make those calls to the boss. Sis now goes with dad to the clinic. But I still have to go if it's the ER. No, I don't have POA.

The only way to ever get change in this is to elect to office those who will place & value what is viewed as women's work on equal footing as mens jobs. Caregiving is by & large in the US viewed as cheap or free labor done by women. Needed but devalued. Until those that draw up legislation have actually been in the day to day effort to be a caregiver happens, it will not change.

As an aside on this, last night 9/16 on Charlie Rose, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand was on. One of the things she said was staggering…that when she went on the armed services committee when in Congress there were actually several women. That for the first time there was a group of women. That the men on the committee were all about how many tanks would be placed on the field; how many tons of armament would be delivered. Very focused on on hard costs of buildings and equipment. The women were asking what were the #'s on social services costs - how many PTSD cases, suicides, field hospital units & staffing, deployment costs to their families. That often this data & social costs was not being collected. But with more women in office and being put on the armed forces / defense hearing that has changed somewhat. Still horrendous problems (especially the suicide rate) but more focus & funding for social costs.

In a way, this is similar to how the US approaches dealing with aging. The focus is about building & staffing NH & AL. The $ is made in having elders in facilities not in living with family. Medicaid is designed to pay for NH first & foremost. Not for paying family caregivers or for family to be able to hire caregivers. My mom's cost between Medicaid NH r&b & Medicare hospice is about 14K mo. $ 168,000.00 a year. And mom's medical demands are pretty minimal as she has no chronic diseases like diabetes or cancer. She is just very elderly with a terminal disease (in her case probably Lewy Body Dementia) and totally bedfast due to hip shatter. She is now going into her 15th month on hospice. Probably has spent more on health costs this last year than total for her entire prior 90+ lifetime. I shudder to think of what the costs are going to be when the oncoming tsumani of baby boomers start hitting needing the NH's and will qualify for Medicaid. There just has got to be a better way which means a sea change in what aging is to be in the US.

On another note, I thing the elderly are going to the doctor way too much.

My parents primary doctor wanted to see them every 3 months.... after doing that for the past 6 years and taking all that time off I finally decided to postpone their appointments and drag it out for a few more months.... nothing terrible happened by doing that.... in fact, nothing happened at all accept for my parents grumbling about not going to the doctor :P

Now I am now dragging out the time with other appointments for my parents. Maybe now I CAN finally make appointments for myself !!

MISSING WORK DUE TO ELDER CARE...Well tallvine You are so lucky, as You are still able to hold down Your Career. Most of Us Carer's here on site have had to forsake Our Career's. HONESTLY IM NOT COMPLAINING, as it was necessary to do so. My thought's are once You have explained Your circumstances to Your Employer's, surely They would understand. I would agree with You tallvine, this Issue must be raised at National level, so that all Employer's will understand Your situation. There must be an awful lot of People out there in the same circumstances to You.

I am getting stuck in same situation. Parents might give me $5 omce in awhile (after spending 6 hours and driving everywhere).
I am keeping track of all the hours. My employer is sympathetic having lived thru it.
As far as other people suggestions or hints that this is a need for govt to pay family members to do the care.....oh that is a BIG can of worms. Administration of that would cost astronomical. I hope my taxes do not go to pay my neneighbor to be caregiver. That is job best left to AL and NH. People should skip the big screen TV, fancy cars, vacations other than camping, and save for retirement including cares in AL or NH. There are still good LTC policies around, and newer hybrid life insurance or annuities which can be designed to cover expenses at home, AL or NH. It is every person's individual choice to avail themselves of these options, to take care of themselves.

I recently completed research in my latest book regarding "Caregiving Full-time and Working Full-time. It has become a challenge as diseases like Alzheimer's continue to impact our society. Some employers are offering the opportunity to work remotely in the technology sector. In other areas employers are offering a compressed work week (i.e. 4 - 10 hour days, 3 - 12 hour days., etc.). It is not the cure all, but for some people this is a start.