Missing work due to elder care. How do others handle time away from work? - AgingCare.com

Missing work due to elder care. How do others handle time away from work?

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I can only speak for myself but I missed far less work time when my children were small than I do now caring for an elderly parent... I have to laugh when managers still get concerned if a prospective employee has small children. I want to yell " who cares about that??? how old are their parents & how is their health???" I'm still 10 years from retirement so thats not an option. I have 3 weeks vacation & 5 sick days. I did use 11 vacation days personally this year but the remainder of my "paid time off" has been used on my 87 year old mother's doctor's appts; hospital stays etc. There are services that can drive her to/from but she needs someone with her who can go in to the exam room with her to take notes, ask questions etc. as she doesn't remember what the dr says . She actually had 7 different drs appts in the past 2 months! . My brother & I try and split them but she's not comfortable w/ him in the room if she has to undress or lower her gown etc. plus he has the same issues missing work as I do. I really hope someone starts to raise this issue on a national level as I know I can't be alone. Wondering what others thoughts on this are...

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MISSING WORK DUE TO ELDER CARE...Well tallvine You are so lucky, as You are still able to hold down Your Career. Most of Us Carer's here on site have had to forsake Our Career's. HONESTLY IM NOT COMPLAINING, as it was necessary to do so. My thought's are once You have explained Your circumstances to Your Employer's, surely They would understand. I would agree with You tallvine, this Issue must be raised at National level, so that all Employer's will understand Your situation. There must be an awful lot of People out there in the same circumstances to You.
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Do you qualify for FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act)? Usually you have to be at your job for 1 year before you qualify. That is one of my problems I haven't been here a year yet and I missed 17 hours last week. That takes a big chunk out of my paycheck! None of my 3 brothers EVER miss work to do anything for mom.
And your right about the 1 pm appointment. The wait at my mom's doctors office is usually always an hour minimum in the waiting room and then a 1/2 hour in the exam room!!! Can you call the office and make the appt's? That's what I do now and I work it around my schedule and then just tell Mom when we will be going.
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I have used up all my vacation and sick time this year while mom was in the hospital and taking her to doctors appointments. I have told her doctors to make her appointments for early mornings or on my days off but mom insists that if she makes an appointment for 1:00, I will have plenty of time to get to work by 2:00. No I don't. There is always a long wait for the doctor and I still have a 30 minute drive to get to work. I told her that i will not take her to any late appointments and she would have to reschedule. As long as I have a note from the hospital my employer is very understanding about missing work.
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I'm fortunate in that I work at home now though I have an office location. My boss so far has been very supportive and allows me a lot flexibility in my working hours (i.e, start early, work late many times ahead of the appointments, which there can be many). If it weren't for that I would've burned a whole through the PTO I have left this year. My husband's job allows him the same flexibility to help my dad. My brother can't, won't do it. As long as the job gets done well they've been fine with it, but it realize this is the exception. I did talk to others and HR for options as well, but I think it mostly comes down to the type of work you do and the management.
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I'm self employed. If I don't work my contracts (which are usually 1/2 day engagements, planned months to a year or more in advance), I don't get paid, but I still have to find a sub to work that job (and risk receiving a very bad review, which negatively affects future contracts). So it really hurts to take off time for mom, but she did pass away in June. My siblings all had PTO and used not one twit of it to come visit mom....not even when she was in her final couple of weeks! !!! They all whimpered, it's too expensive. One came for a couple hours around dinner on Sat, and then promptly returned home so they could attend their home church services....I'm sure Heavenly Father was very impressed.
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I haven't worked at my new job long enough to qualify for FMLA, nor have I earned any time off yet. So, if I miss work; I miss pay! I am very angry/resentful of my brothers who have NEVER taken time off of work to do anything for my mom. It's stressful and overwhelming most times, but I know I am doing what I do with a pure heart and mom is safe and comfortable with me. To make up some of the time, I come in a little earlier or stay a little later; I also don't take my lunch break so all of that adds up. But I still loose hours and guess that's just the way it has to be!!!
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Dr. Keith. What kind of assistance would you suggest for someone with a Master's degree? I have had interviews where I am actually asked well what happens to Mom if we hire you. They are already expecting lots of time taken off to take care of Mom. How does a person answer a question like that?
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PBS on May 7, 3:00 pm eastern time, has a special "Caring for Mom and Dad". A start to raising awareness of caregiver issues.
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I hope eventually things work out for you (and I know they will). I know from personal experience and I have just completed research on working caregivers and I know things can be tough. You can't do it alone! Please try to reach out and get some type of assitance. Also, read the article I published on this site. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/balancing-career-caregiving-cant-do-it-alone-180295.htm?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Newsletter%20-%20May%202,%202015
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I took a lower level job working 3.5 days a week and caring for my parents the other days. We use their pension to pay for a caregiver 3.5 days while I work (her pay is lower than mine) and the government gives us a free psw a few hours every week so I can shop for food, pick up meds, have a quick bite/coffee at a foodcourt. My parents are both disabled and dad is blind. My work vacation days are taken up with my parents' doctors appointments, stocking up non-perishables and cooking up meals to store in the freezer so we can have variety in our diet.

I have home monitoring which means that we have 2 cameras installed in the living room and bedroom and I can see my parents on livestream on my Blackberry anywhere. I also have emergency lineline installed in case they fall. All my salary is spent on accommodation, groceries and hydro. I pray that God will be merciful and provide for me as I'm an only child with no spouse or children - or that He kills me after my parents are gone.
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