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MIL with vascular dementia has recently become very hostile, aggressive and dangerous. Within the last 2 months, she has started many, many fights with us, insulted us to no end, threatened to call police, the health department, a psychiatrist (lol) and many others on us. She’s accused husband and I of stealing from her, and told husband that I “embarrass her” and I “show my ***” in front of other, I steal from her, I don’t take care of her, I’m a bad mother, etc. She’s told me she hopes a social worker takes my baby from me. Recently, she took off in her car even though we hid her keys. She has thrown pots off the porch, almost hitting us in the head. She’s thrown items at me, kicked a coffee mug down the stairs full of scaling hot water, and when we left, she lit her clothes on fire in the yard. Is this …. Normal … for dementia? We did find a facility so we’re waiting to hear from them about when we can bring her in. But this behavior is highly, highly disturbing. We’re not sure what to do or think.

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Focus on fires, not “insults”. You KNOW that she has dementia and that means that NOTHING she says is credible.

If hiding keys doesn’t work, find a place to hide the car.

Stop “being disturbed”. Her actions, if not her words, say “I need help”. You’re working to provide help, by placing her, so you are doing your job.

Forget everything she SAYS, and make the environment safe for her AND FOR YOU.

A deteriorating brain means ANTICIPATE ANYTHING. Her filter is in the process of failing.

Continue with your planning for her. You’re on the right track.
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Echoing everyone else here.

1. Disable the car. That means pulling spark plug wires or disconnecting the battery if she wouldn't know how to recognize a disconnected battery.

2. Call 911 - today. You have a child to protect.

Much of dementia caregiving comes from recognizing a problem long after it becomes a problem. You have people here giving you the gift of a crystal ball to see the future. Listen to them, and act upon their advice.
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It’s normal for dementia but should not become the norm for YOU. Get her out of your house no matter what it takes. You must ensure your own safety.
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Call 911 NOW and get her to an ER, then straight to a facility. She is dangerous!
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https://www.agingcare.com/questions/help-mil-with-dementia-becoming-very-verbally-aggressive-towards-me-suggestions-475741.htm

You posted on July 1 with pretty much the same problem. Yes this in normal but...you should not allow it to go on. She needs Meds. She needs to be placed where she can be cared for by people who can handle her outbursts. What if she had set her clothes on fire in your home. This woman needs to be placed under a Psychic watch. She is a danger to you and your family.

Just skimmed thru your last post. This woman has escalated in the last month. Burning her clothes in your backyard should show you husband that now its time for Mom to go to a NH. Ifvshe has no money, he can apply for medicaid. I so hope you do not leave this woman alone. She is dangerous to you and your family. The fire should have been when you called 911 and had her removed and the Baker Act implemented. This is when they do a 72 hr Psyhic eval. Tell them that she cannot return to your home even if meds are introduced. You fear for ur life and the lives of your family.
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DogLover9494, time for mother-in-law to be checked for an Urinary Tract Infection [UTI] as such an infection can cause an elder to act the way she did. Her primary doctor or an Urgent Care can run such a test.
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Call 911 and have the woman sent by ambulance to the ER for a psychiatric evaluation. Pronto. Before she burns the house down, kills you or someone else, or causes a car accident. And you haven't 'hidden the car keys' by the way, if she's out there driving the car, which is 100% against the rules for an elder suffering from dementia. Take the spark plugs out of the car and disable it before you hide the keys this time.

All abnormal behavior is 'normal' when advanced dementia is at play, but this is over the top with what your MIL is doing. She needs medical intervention right away to see what other organic issues are contributing to her behavior, if any. She needs medication and placement also, as soon as humanly possible. But her erratic behavior has to be stabilized before she's placed, or she'll be asked to leave the Memory Care ALF she's placed at. All the residents have to be safe in the facility or the resident causing the ruckus will be asked to leave, or to be properly medicated before returning back there. That's why you need to remedy this situation before you place her. And before something dreadful happens in your home; your safety is very important also. And MILs state of mind should not be so agitated either, not with modern medicine available to her.

Wishing you the best of luck with a very serious situation.
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This behavior has gotten to the point of physical danger, and there’s an actual baby in the house.

Call 911 today. And I rarely say this, but if you have to fib about physical assault happening today, then do it, whatever you have to to get this dangerous person out of your house with a baby in it.
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Slartibartfast Aug 2022
I second the above.

It's not like she's happy like this, she's out of her mind with psychotic misery. Help her and save yourself at the same time.
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i'm sorry if it's inappropriate but i actually had to laugh, hearing all these bizarre behaviors listed in one paragraph! what a tornado you have on your hands! but as others have said it's pretty clear she can no longer be in your home, unless you find she has a uti and curing that makes the demon go away. it sounds like it would be difficult to get her to agree to see a doctor, though, so i agree with others that during one of her terrors you should call 911 and get the ball rolling on medical and psychiatric care and then follow through with the nursing home you are waiting for.
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Obviously, she needs to be put on medication immediately before she hurts herself or someone else. This is a serious matter which needs immediate attention. She needs to be supervised at all times. Take her to a neurologist immediately!
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