MIL (93) went to Assisted Living in April. Usually very easy going but lately gets into ”rages” especially re: her possessions. Any advice?

My little aunt (92) has been a little out of sorts lately. She fired her weekday caregiver and hired her back immediately. She’s been turning the AC off. Sleeping in her recliner instead of going to bed. Refused a bath from a substitute bather!
So I called her HH nurse and requested a UTI check. Sure enough. She has an infection.
Get your MIL checked ASAP. Of course no one wants her to have a UTI but it’s a relief to have a reason for the acting out that you feel like you can actually do something about.
I know it’s not easy but try not to take anything personal.

Just do your best to be gentle.

She he has suffered a lot of change and loss. Hear her out, agree with her, ask her follow-up questions to show her you are listening.

When she insults or screams, try to remain calm. Yelling (even yelling back) at the elderly is akin to yelling at a child.

I agree that UTI testing would be a good idea. When MIL gets really crazy, paranoid and argumentative in her thinking and behavior, especially if it seem to come on suddenly - it almost always is a UTI.

Short term memory loss is a sign of Dementia. Everything you posted sounds like a form of Dementia. Like said, her rages could be caused by a UTI. I would ask the RN on staff if they can test her.

If the facility can't test her, then get her to a doctor. UTIs are serious in the elderly. If Its a UTI, problem solved. If not, Mom needs a good physical. Labs especially.

She's "tired"

I agree that your MIL is in the middle of a difficult adjustment period and that can be difficult. She may also be experiencing a loss of control over her life, the loss of the independence she had prior to moving to the ALF. This too can be very difficult.

Give the situation some time, your MIL's moods may even out. There's not much you can do to facilitate the adjustment process, she just has to go through it. But you can try to help her feel as if she has more control over her life. Give her choices whenever you can, "Mom, do you want to come to dinner on Saturday or Sunday?" Or, "Should I pick you up at 9:30 a.m. or would you like a little more time to get ready?" Look for opportunities that give your MIL choices and if she decides she doesn't want to do something, allow her that for now. Help her regain some control back over her life.

Has she been checked for a UTI? Infections of any kind will completely change what are normal behaviors.

Hello LucilletIn1 and welcome :)

I'm sorry you and the family and your MIL are going through this rough time. "Teething troubles," I hope, but all the same painful enough while they last.

Just a bit of background - so your mother moved in to her ALF only 2-3 months ago. Is the ALF in Georgia or New Jersey?

I'm glad that the family was able to work together on this, and I'm sure you did make the right decision not to attempt to care for her at home if it wasn't something you were confident and happy about taking on. Good for you for not rushing into it, and for not doing it in spite of your reservations! Many people fall into that pit.

So, anyway, here we are and MIL is not a happy bunny. First thing to say is - it is early days. She'll need time.

Second: what is she getting so upset about? It doesn't have to make sense, but what are her main grievances?

Third: you say she has some short term memory loss but no dementia. Your profile also mentions cancer, is that correct? What would you say are her main health issues?

Sorry for all the questions, but the better we understand the better our chances of suggesting anything useful.