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MIL, especially when sundowning, would “shoosh” female family members, telling them to be quiet because they are “too loud”, and she does it in a really nasty and unpleasant demeanor.


I got shooshed, but I wasn’t loud, I have a soft voice, most of the time others ask me to speak up because they can’t hear me. then after some other family members complained about it I realized she was doing this to others too, it seems to be towards female only.


Families and visitors got this type of unpleasant treatment from her are annoyed to say the least. I have since started avoid talking to her unless it’s absolutely necessary. Others might do the same I think.


We don’t remember her shooshing anyone before. She is actually the loudest person in the family and has always been self centered and narcissistic. Her old way was to talk louder and louder over everyone so no one else has a chance to say anything.


Not sure if this is something anyone else has seen?

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"Mom, this situation seems to be hard on you and your hearing, so lets move YOU into another room where it is quieter" Might do the trick! If there is no one to "Shoosh" and she is getting some time out she may come around.. but of course with dementia there are no promises.
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Sometimes changes in hearing make higher pitched voices much more annoying; think of seniors who are "nervous" with their grandchildren playing in the house. I haven't known anyone who actually shushed anyone but I have known a couple of people who asked the kids to play outside and in one case left the house because a cousin with a high pitched voice was visiting.
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Chalk it up to her decline. You may want her evaluated to see if she is now entering the world of full blown Dementia. For now, thats what I would tell people.
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The "shushing" people up has been a lifelong behavior in my mom. When she feels a loss of control over people's speech and actions, or thinks she's "out of the loop" in any way, she feels anxious; thus triggering the shushing behavior. Like she thinks she has the right to shut people up. With dementia added to the mix, it got much worse. Yes, it's annoying and embarrassing. When my father was hospitalized and dying, she thought visitors were "too loud" when they really weren't at all. My dad, ill or not, was always delighted to receive friends and family, and that was part of the problem: it wasn't all about her. One time with family present in Dad's room, she was so disruptive I asked Mom if she wanted to leave, and she said (indignantly), "Yes!" Lol! I escorted her from the room. Problem diffused! At least for the moment. Once my father passed, that particular behavior diminished, and since then she exhibits a series of paranoid delusions, one after the other. sigh
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Ludmila Feb 2020
my MIL is almost exactly like what you described here! It always has to be about her!
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